


Stormchaser

by JennaLee



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance, Smut, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:33:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27952373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaLee/pseuds/JennaLee
Summary: “Maybe someone told him about the party,” Rae said innocently, or as innocently as she could with her dark eyes dancing. “Maybe a little birdy told him he should come.”“You guys really asked him?” Sykkuno could hardly believe it. It seemed like such a long shot. The party was fun, sure. His friends were nice people and Corpse seemed to like them too. But it wasn't like these were Corpse's only friends. Corpse didn't seem the kind of guy who liked partying so much that he'd get in his car and drive all the way to Los Angeles. Besides, he was always so busy. “He wanted to drive all the way here, for – for a party?”“Maybe a little birdy told him that you were coming.”
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpsekkuno - Relationship, corpse/sykkuno
Comments: 373
Kudos: 2822
Collections: cute&knife





	1. i.

Sykkuno had never been to a real party.

Well, not officially. At least, he didn't think so. He'd had parties with his family. He'd been to his sisters' birthday parties. But there was a difference between being at a party because you were family and actually being _invited_ to one. 

And he wasn't invited because somebody felt obligated to let him tag along. He was invited by friends. It wasn't a joke and it wasn't because they felt sorry for him. He'd asked Rae just to make sure, while they were playing Minecraft, and she yelled at him. And then Toast called him an idiot.

Sykkuno felt like that was a good sign.

It made him feel better that it was a group of people he trusted. He didn't leave his house much, but he couldn't help but be excited. Now that it was safe to gather in person again, Sykkuno was going to be able to see all of his old roommates together, and all the friends he'd been streaming with since the whole lockdown thing happened. And the best part was that they actually seemed excited to see him too.

“Sykkuno!” at least three people shouted when he walked into the new OTV house behind Toast, who'd picked him up and driven him here. Lily clapped her hands with excitement and Ludwig threw his arms up in the air and said “Hey, you really came!”

Toast gave him a look that said, _See, what did I tell you?_

Sykkuno waved awkwardly, unsure of what to do with himself. He never did like being the center of attention. “Hi, guys,” he said, but his voice was so quiet that he wasn't sure anyone heard. “Um, thanks for inviting me.”

He didn't know what else to say.

They all knew him, though, and none of them put him on the spot for too long or expected him to instantly join the merriment. Lily urged Michael to shimmy to the side, forming an opening in the room for Sykkuno to step into like he'd been there all along, and the conversation kept flowing easily all around him. 

Conversation and laughter and music. It was a little loud for Sykkuno's taste. But it was cool that everyone seemed to be excited and happy just to be here together. Sykkuno wasn't exactly sure what to do at a party, but this seemed familiar. It was just a bunch of people hanging out, like any other day in the old OTV house, except there were just a lot more faces and maybe a few more smiles. 

Maybe he could do that.

Suddenly he was corralled into the kitchen. “There's drinks,” Rae said happily, pouring herself a glass of wine. “Sykkuno, what do you want?”

“To drink?” That made sense. People drank at parties. “Oh, I don't know. I didn't bring anything. I don't want to, you know, just show up and drink everyone else's stuff...”

“If we wanted you to bring your own drinks, we would have asked.” 

“Well, I guess I can ask whoever bought it...they'd probably say yes, right?”

She smacked the counter impatiently. “We _invited_ you, Sykkuno.”

“Oh.” Sykkuno ducked his head and covered his smile. “Oh, yeah. I guess. Well, um, what do you have?”

“Everything! I could make you a cocktail. Do you like cocktails?”

Sykkuno looked around the room. A lot of people seemed to be drinking wine like Rae. Poki's glass was enormous and filled to the brim. Others had what looked like soda, probably with some hard liquor in it. Michael had something orange with a crazy straw in it. Toast, Ludwig, Scarra and Edison were holding bottles of beer. 

“Maybe just, a beer or something?”

“A _beer?_ ” She seemed amused. “You drink beer?”

“Well...I could have wine, if you want? Is that your favourite?” He looked at the bottle. The wine was pink and bubbly. “I'll try it if you want.”

She shook her head. “It's your choice.” 

“Okay. Just a beer, then.”

“So boring.” She opened the fridge and gestured him closer. The entire bottom of the fridge was stuffed with bottles. Sykkuno didn't know much about beer, but it seemed like a safe choice, something that he was supposed to drink at parties. 

“Thanks,” Sykkuno said, choosing a bottle, but Rae was already gone, halfway across the room and laughing with Pokimane.

Sykkuno sat down by himself in a chair off to the side, sipping the beer and watching the others. They were all being so loud and joyous. Sykkuno was quiet and reserved. That was okay, though. He liked listening. He liked being on the fringe of everything. He liked it because that was just the way it was, and he'd learned the hard way in school that interjecting himself into groups where he didn't belong always led to a bad time. 

But then Ludwig spotted him and sat next to him. Toast and Lily broke off from Poki and Rae to come join them, and then there was Michael Reeves too, following Lily like an eager puppy. 

Sykkuno was at a party, holding a bottle of beer. And maybe, just maybe, he felt like he belonged. 

Suddenly Rae let out a shout, and the drone of conversation suddenly faded. Sykkuno turned to look and saw Poki and Leslie moving closer to her, bowing their heads. Rae was apparently whispering something to them. The people in the vicinity turned and looked at Sykkuno, grinning.

His anxiety warmed from its usual simmer to a near boil. He hated it when he felt like everyone knew something he didn't, like he was going to be the butt of a joke or like he just wasn't cool enough to be 'in' on whatever cool thing they were talking about. Sykkuno hugged his arms around himself, his smile fading.

“I'm gonna...I'm gonna go to the bathroom,” he mumbled, and got up awkwardly.

Somebody caught his arm. “Wait!”

“What?”

It was Rae again – Sykkuno swore she could teleport, the way she just bounced around the room at lightning speed – and she was breathless with excitement. “I have something to tell you,” she said, in a mysterious tone.

“Yeah? Um, what is it?”

“Guess who's coming to the party?”

Sykkuno looked around, wondering who was missing. “I don't know, who?”

“Guess.”

He shook his head. “Oh, um, I'm not very good at guessing...”

“I wasn't sure if he could make it.”

“Oh. So, it's someone not from LA?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Someone who plays with us on stream?”

“ _Mmmhmm._ ”

Sykkuno thought about it. Hafu was in Texas, Charlie was in Florida, Karl was from North Carolina. Sean was from somewhere in Europe, he was pretty sure, but he _did_ travel to California a lot. Sykkuno knew that he was friends with other YouTubers and streamers. Maybe he was here to do a collaboration now that the travel restrictions were lifted.

“Jacksepticeye?” he guessed.

Rae groaned. 

“I don't know,” Sykkuno said. “Really, I don't. But, um, the more the merrier, right? We definitely have enough drinks for everyone.” He looked at the bottle of wine that had just been full fifteen minutes ago and blinked. Rae's glass was full again. “Okay, maybe not enough wine.”

She squinted. “Are you being a troll? A shady troll?”

Sykkuno smiled, and for Rae, he didn't even hide it. “I'm not, I swear.”

“You're hopeless,” she groaned again. “You really have no idea.”

“Well...no,” Sykkuno said, anxious again, “but I'm really sorry if I'm forgetting anybody.”

“He'll be so sad, Sykkuno. You don't even remember him. Our new coolest friend.”

Sykkuno stared at her. “Who?”

“Corpse!” she practically yelled, smacking her own forehead. “Oh my god, it's _Corpse_.”

“What?!” Sykkuno's voice shot up an octave. 

“Corpse,” Rae said again, exasperatedly. “You know, the guy with the voice, Mr. Mysterious...”

Sykkuno's hand was shaking. He put his bottle down carefully on the counter and smoothed his bangs to the side. Something other than anxiety had started to vibrate in his stomach. “He's coming here? In person? Like...to the party, in this house?”

“No,” she said sarcastically, “we're gonna make him sit outside.”

“But how does he know...”

“Maybe someone told him about the party,” Rae said innocently, or as innocently as she could with her dark eyes dancing. “Maybe a little birdy told him he should come.”

“You guys really asked him?” Sykkuno could hardly believe it. It seemed like such a long shot. The party was fun, sure. His friends were nice people and Corpse seemed to like them too. But it wasn't like these were Corpse's only friends. Corpse didn't seem the kind of guy who liked partying so much that he'd get in his car and drive all the way to Los Angeles. “He wanted to drive all the way here, for – for a party?” 

But when Sykkuno glanced at the attendees, a thought occurred to him. A lot of the girls were really pretty. To Sykkuno they were all just good friends and he didn't really think of them any other way. But a lot of girls liked Corpse. Sometimes, at parties, people hooked up with each other. Maybe Corpse had been talking to somebody, or maybe he hoped...and why did that make him feel upset?

Rae was grinning. “Maybe a little birdy told him that you were coming.”

“Me?” The feeling in his stomach got stronger. It was like something was fluttering around in there. “You didn't...you mean you told him that it was all the people from our streams.”

“Well, I did that too. I told him it was going to be me, and Toast, and Lily, and Leslie and Edison. And then he asked if that meant you were going to be there too.”

“He _asked_? About me?” Sykkuno wondered if this was just another joke, something to get a laugh out of everyone. Everyone seemed to find it amusing when he interacted with Corpse, and he wasn't sure why. 

She saw something in his face and dropped her grin. “I wouldn't lie to you, Sykkuno.”

“Well...”

“Yes, okay, when we're _playing the game where you're supposed to lie._ ” 

“But why would he ask about me?”

“Sykkuno, I thought we talked about this. You know people actually really like you, right?”

He blushed faintly. “Yeah, but...I mean...well, I guess we talked a bit outside of the streams. Like on Discord.”

“Exactly,” she encouraged. “And now you can talk in person!”

Sykkuno swallowed. Maybe Corpse really did ask about him. It seemed like they were friends. Maybe Corpse only asked because he thought Sykkuno didn't really do parties, and he thought it was strange. Or maybe Rae had just goaded him into the question. Rae was kind of good at that. 

Or maybe he asked because he really did want to see Sykkuno in particular.

Sykkuno suddenly wondered if the beer was stronger than he'd thought. His head was swimming. It was a stupid thought. Corpse liked everybody. There was nothing special about Sykkuno. “When is he getting here?”

“Soon. He said he just got into the city. He texted me.”

“You have his phone number?”

“I gave him mine.” 

Sykkuno would never dream of being so bold. He nodded his head for lack of anything to say. He suddenly wished he'd worn something nicer than his old green and white T-shirt. He wasn't sure why. He didn't own anything really nice. Nobody here was really dressed up anyway and he didn't look out of place. Lily was wearing what looked like one of Michael's hoodies and Toast and Scarra were just in jeans and tees, like him. Poki was wearing leggings and sneakers. Rae was wearing pretty red lipstick but was otherwise just decked out in a big black shapeless sweater. Corpse would probably be wearing black too. Maybe he'd keep a mask on, and the eyepatch he said he wore sometimes. 

“You don't look excited,” Rae protested, looking hurt. “I thought you'd be excited!”

“No, no, I am excited. Really excited!” Sykkuno made himself smile again. He felt it trembling on his face. “It's just, you know, such a big deal...”

“Oh, you're _nervous!_ ” she exclaimed, delighted again. “Don't be nervous, Sykkuno.”

Sykkuno looked past her and caught his reflection in the shiny black microwave mounted over the stove. The haircut he didn't like had mostly grown out, and it made him feel a little more comfortable in his skin. He swept his messy bangs to the side and straightened his shirt.

Rae maneuvered her way in front of him. “You look cute,” she declared. “Lily, doesn't he look cute?”

Lily was making herself a cocktail at the makeshift bar. She looked over at the question and nodded, round-eyed. “Super cute.”

“You guys, you're just saying that to be nice. You don't have to...”

Rae ignored him. “Poki?”

“I think you're handsome, Sykkuno. I've told you that like a hundred times.”

“Stop it, you guys.” Sykkuno covered his mouth. This smile was real. “You guys, I don't look – I'm just me. Corpse knows what I look like.”

“He does,” Rae affirmed. “And he likes it. So there's no reason to be nervous. Just relax, have fun. It's a party and we're all going to have a good time.”

Sykkuno was wondering why they seemed to think it mattered whether or not Corpse liked how he looked. It was much easier than wondering why _he_ thought it mattered. 

“He's _here_ ,” someone said, and all eyes turned to the door. Just outside the living room window Sykkuno could see the headlights of a parked car. As he watched, the lights turned off and the blurry faint shape of a man got out and walked around, pausing for a minute as if to confirm the number on the house.

Rae's phone rang. 

“Corpse!” she shouted into the phone. “Is that you outside? Yeah, this is the right place, just come in! Door's open!”

Sykkuno clutched his beer bottle more tightly and held his breath. If he stood to the side, it would be hard to see him from the door. Not that he was hiding, because he wasn't nervous. There was no reason to be nervous. It was just a friend coming to a party. Just one more friend.

And yet the significance of Corpse showing them all his face wasn't lost on anyone. Sykkuno wasn't the only one whose gaze was glued to the door. Surely there would be some dramatic entrance – surely Corpse would be intimidating, aloof, leagues above them, with his rich voice and exploding fame.

But the man who opened the door did so slowly, almost shyly. The hand that grasped the doorknob was as recognizable as his voice. Black painted nails, silver rings.

 _It's him. It's really him._ Sykkuno could hardly believe it. He stared. _I thought he said he wasn't as good looking as people thought._

Corpse wasn't wearing a mask. Or an eyepatch. His hair was dark, and curlier than Sykkuno thought. He had it pushed down and across his forehead. He was clean shaven. His eyes were almond-shaped, dark, rimmed with smudged black eyeliner. The arch of his eyebrows and the cut of his jaw gave him a touch of the sinister, imposing look that Sykkuno imagined him to have, but his mouth was softer, with a defined cupid's bow. And his lips were a little chapped, but still not pale. And it was probably kind of weird to be staring at Corpse's mouth and thinking about it so much, but - 

“Hey,” Corpse said to the room in general, his distinctive voice quiet. He looked like he felt out of place. Sykkuno knew that feeling well. He watched as Corpse jammed his hands in his pockets and slouched, hanging back, unsure.

Rae was the first to approach, beaming. “Cool jacket. Wanna hang it up? Want a drink? Or some food? Oh, and you gotta take your shoes off. House rule.”

The hunched posture relaxed by maybe a fraction of an inch. He leaned down to unzip his black boots. They were combat boots, scuffed and worn. “I'm good. I can't drink, and I ate on the way.”

There was a sense of excitement in the air, but everybody played it cool. Nobody mobbed him. Nobody stared too long or too hard. Edison gave him a fist bump and Scarra lifted his bottle of beer in a silent greeting. Poki and Aria just said “Hi” like it was no big deal that it was _Corpse_. Lily waved and Michael just stared at Corpse's leather jacket and breathed, “Whoa, that's awesome, man” with full sincerity.

“Thanks,” Corpse said softly to Michael, and maybe, just maybe, he smiled faintly. “I like your hoodie too.”

“Really? Oh wow. I can't believe I got a compliment from Corpse.”

“Who wants a cocktail?” Rae yelled out from the bar, pulling most of the attention towards her. Janet and Celine were pouring vodka into a blender and Aria was putting little umbrellas in a row of finished drinks. Jodi was playing some kind of game in the corner with Syd and Syanne. 

Corpse came a little further into the room, looking around the house with curiosity and trepidation.

A little rush of empathy almost made Sykkuno come out of hiding. He was pretty sure he knew exactly how Corpse felt. It was pretty crazy that such a cool guy like Corpse could be shy like himself. Maybe that's why Sykkuno felt such a connection with him when they chatted on Discord.

“So do we still call you Corpse?” Ludwig asked easily. 

“Yeah, Corpse is fine.” He didn't offer any other option and Lud didn't ask for one.

“Cool, cool, man. This is Syanne, and that's Jodi. The loud one is Rae, you probably knew that. There's Peter, and Scarra...”

Sykkuno made himself melt into the corner as Ludwig went around and introduced Corpse to everyone who hadn't initially greeted him, including a handful of people that had grouped upstairs. When they came back down, Corpse's forehead was creased, and he looked almost sad. 

Ludwig didn't seem to notice. “So yeah, that's the gang. I guess you knew most of 'em already. I don't know who I'm missing. I feel like I'm missing somebody. Anyone you haven't met yet?”

“Yeah,” Corpse said quietly. “There is one person. I thought he'd be here. Rae said...”

He couldn't cringe in the corner forever. Sykkuno downed the rest of his beer and gathered up all the courage he had. 

He stepped out from the corner and into the light.

Corpse's eyes lit up when their gazes met, and Sykkuno's heart just about stopped.

“Sykkuno?” he asked tentatively, like he wasn't sure.

“Um,” Sykkuno said, because of course he did. He smoothed his bangs to the side nervously. “That's me. Hey, Corpse.”

Corpse pushed his hair back from his face and Sykkuno's heart stopped again. That was Corpse's face, alright, and whoever had drawn his avatar for him hadn't done him justice at all. 

“Sykkuno,” he said again. “It's...wow, it's good to see you.”

He hadn't said that to any of the others, Sykkuno noticed. Ludwig had disappeared. “It's good to see you too, Corpse. You're...ah...” He swallowed. “You look good.” _Why did you say that?_

“Really?”

“Yeah. You have really, um, cool hair.” _Pretty_ was more accurate than _cool_ , but Sykkuno didn't think friends were supposed to tell other guys that their hair was pretty.

“It's cool?” Corpse looked bemused. “I didn't do anything to it.”

“Well, that's lucky then, because that means it's just naturally pretty.”

God, he really just said that. In front of everyone. Poki and Peter and Leslie had heard, and they were grinning.

“I can't believe you're really here,” Sykkuno blurted desperately. “Thanks for coming by. Was it a long drive?”

The faint shadow of a smile turned into something more noticeable. It was a shy smile, touching his eyes more than his mouth, but it was there. “Yeah. Bad traffic. I was nervous about coming.”

“You shouldn't be. Everyone's really nice. Do you, ah, do you want – ” Sykkuno gestured at the kitchen. “There's lots of drinks, but you can't drink, right? They have one of those water things, like the big blue jug...the cups are up here, I think, or they used to be.”

“Water would be great.”

Sykkuno opened the furthest left cupboard to find the glasses. Corpse followed him. It was nice to feel like he was doing something to make Corpse feel more at home, even if it was just pouring him a cup of water.

“So this is the house where the Offline TV people live,” Corpse said, half to himself, half a question.

“Yeah. Toast, Scarra, Brodin and Yvonne. Lily and Michael. Poki used to, but now she lives with Rae, and Celine and Janet.” 

“You used to live here too?”

“In the old house,” Sykkuno said. “Not this one.”

“Did you like having roommates?”

“Yeah, actually.” They were having a conversation. And Sykkuno didn't think he was embarrassing himself. “It's nice because I had my room, but I also could just, you know, hang out when I wanted. Usually it's not this loud. It's not like there's a party like this every day. Sometimes we went out to eat, of course. But this is pretty cool too. This is my first party, really, and...”

Sykkuno winced. That was a little embarrassing to admit.

But Corpse didn't seem fazed. “Oh yeah, I don't really do parties either,” he said, and drank his water. The lights from above the bar glinted off the shiny silver chain around his neck. Sykkuno couldn't get over how curly his hair was. It seemed unreal. It was so dark it seemed to drink the light around it, and the curls all seemed to have a mind of their own.

Sykkuno rubbed his own hair self consciously. The sides were still a little shorter than he was used to. “Oh, um, but...Well, I hope you don't feel pressured or anything. You don't have to, like, actually party, I don't think. I don't really know what happens at parties but so far it just seems to be like hanging out.”

“I think that's what we're supposed to do,” Corpse agreed. “I don't really know what happens at parties either. I don't drink or smoke pot, so I'm not the most fun person to invite. Even if I did have friends.”

“Well, we can just hang out together then. We're friends, right? I mean, with everyone, not just with me... not that I'd mind, really, but...um...”

Corpse laughed. His laugh was even nicer in person too. “I'd like to hang out with you. Of course we're friends. You know, I...I probably wouldn't have come, if I hadn't known you were here.”

He meant it. He really meant it. Corpse had a way of saying things that just sounded so genuine. There was no way he was making fun of Sykkuno. 

“Well, I'm really glad you're here, Corpse.”

Corpse's face changed so much when he smiled. He had nice eyelashes. And really nice eyes too. He really was handsome and he didn't seem to know it. Sykkuno felt his face growing warm as Corpse looked at him.

“I'm glad I am too,” Corpse said.


	2. ii.

Sykkuno could understand why people always talked about having parties. They were actually a lot of fun. 

He sat in the living room next to Corpse with a glass in his hand. Sykkuno, having finished his beer, let Rae make him a cocktail since she seemed so excited about it. She had made him something orange coloured with sugar on the rim. Sykkuno wasn't a big fan of sugar but it tasted good, like peaches.

Rae claimed that she'd only used half a shot of vodka in it but maybe she made a mistake, because whenever he turned his head to look at Corpse, he felt his head spinning and he wanted to smile dazedly. 

He listened to the conversation around him and stayed pretty quiet, like usual. Corpse was quiet too, but he was a good listener, and he usually looked at whoever was talking and joined in a little, politely. When he wasn't talking, he seemed to be looking at Sykkuno, and it made Sykkuno's stomach feel weird. Not in a bad way, though. 

And when Corpse got up and let Toast show him where the bathroom was, it seemed like he sat a little closer when he came back. 

The feeling got stronger, and Sykkuno had a hard time keeping track of the conversation.

Inevitably, though, the talk drifted to the new post-lockdown reality, and Sykkuno could follow along.

“I was going insane,” Rae declared. “No bars, no restaurants? Thank god I have my roomies.”

“She's always a little insane,” Poki giggled. “Sykkuno, do you know about the beans?”

Rae _shrieked._

“Um,” Sykkuno said, baffled. “What? I don't think so....what beans? Like beans that you eat?”

Poki dissolved into laughter. She managed to get the story out between giggles as Rae buried her head into her hands. 

Somewhere Ludwig shouted out, “Do you know the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?”

“Don't!” one of the girls yelled back, but Ludwig ignored them.

“I wouldn't pay five hundred dollars to have a garbanzo bean on my face!”

Rae shrieked again and Toast shook his head. Ludwig was laughing so hard his face was red and Jodi had choked on her drink. Sykkuno felt himself smiling too, not really sure if he got the joke yet, but he didn't start laughing until he heard Corpse start to wheeze. Corpse laughed so hard that he tipped his body to the side, pressing against Sykkuno, and suddenly Sykkuno's face was hot. Probably from laughing so hard.

“I don't get it,” Sykkuno said, looking around. “Aren't they the same thing? Chickpeas, that's just...that's the word most people use, but they're actually garbanzo beans, right?”

“Ludwig is gross,” Corpse told him, bumping Sykkuno's foot with his own. “That's all you need to know.”

“Sykkuno's too pure for your nasty jokes,” Rae called to Ludwig. “You're gonna corrupt him.”

Corpse said softly, “I'll protect him,” and everyone in the room went, “Ooooh.”

“Um,” Sykkuno's eyes darted from side to side. “What just happened? I...well...thank you, Corpse.”

Ludwig lifted his hands in mock surrender. “He's all yours, Corpse.”

“I didn't mind lockdown,” Corpse blurted like he was trying to change the subject. “I live alone anyway so it wasn't that different. And I liked wearing masks everywhere.”

“You never got lonely?” Sykkuno asked curiously. He was an introvert himself, but he couldn't imagine being alone all the time. Especially without Bimbus. Corpse didn't even have a pet, he knew.

“I've been too busy to be lonely.”

“Too busy becoming world famous,” Jodi declared.

“World famous?” Corpse's leg bounced up and down. “I just make my music and play games, that's all.”

“Damn good music,” said Edison, and Sykkuno nodded in agreement.

Corpse's face had turned faintly pink. “It's a lot. It's still hard to really take it in.”

“I think we all owe a lot to the Among Us streams,” said Syd. “We're all more famous now.”

“Yeah!”

Everyone was suddenly pushing their glasses and bottles towards each other for a toast, some people calling out the Among Us games, others shouting out each other's milestones. Sykkuno raised his glass and three others knocked against it, and someone shouted out, “Sykkuno hit two point five million subscribers!”

A few more shouts and screams followed that statement and Sykkuno quickly pulled his glass back to him to drink, hiding his embarrassed face. “It's no big deal, you guys...Really, you don't have to...”

“Congratulations, Sykkuno,” a soft deep voice rumbled from beside him. “You deserve it most of all.”

Sykkuno spluttered into his drink. “Oh,” he managed. “Th-thank you, Corpse.”

He licked the sugar from his lips. Corpse bounced his leg harder. The room was suddenly very warm.

Luckily he didn't stay in the spotlight for long. The topic changed again, something about Pokemon cards. Rae got up for more wine. Somebody turned on louder music. The voices got louder too, the more everyone drank. Some of the girls went outside on the deck, and their laughter floated through the windows. The guys clustered in the kitchen where Ludwig was apparently trying to convince them to drink a concoction where you took two shots called a cement mixer. 

Sykkuno nursed his drink and stayed where he was. And Corpse stayed at his side, asking soft questions and listening to Sykkuno awkwardly ramble back. The best part was that Corpse didn't seem to mind him rambling. If anything, he actually seemed to like it. He listened with his head tilted slightly, engaged, encouraging. It felt like he'd known Corpse for years, the way it was so easy to talk to him. 

Sykkuno didn't even notice the time slipping by, hour after hour.

Finally, close to midnight, the party seemed to be winding down. Leslie and Edison left first, and then Poki, Celine and Janet left too. Rae was well past tipsy, and Toast quietly disappeared upstairs to make up one of the guest bedrooms for her. Lily and Michael had snuggled up on the couch together. Michael apparently didn't have much of a tolerance for alcohol.

Soon, Corpse would probably leave too. The realization left Sykkuno feeling a little bit like a pricked balloon. It would be so cool if the party kept going. He liked it here. He liked it a lot.

“So, um, are you going to drive back home?” he asked Corpse tentatively, trying not to sound too disappointed.

“It's kinda late,” Corpse said. “I don't know. I could find a hotel or something.”

“And drive home in the morning?”

Corpse glanced at Sykkuno. “Well....I don't know if I want to go home yet.”

“Oh,” Sykkuno said. “Well, I guess, once you've made the drive, might as well check out LA. Maybe you have friends you want to visit, or something.”

“Friends?” Corpse shook his head. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Me? Oh...not really. I don't go many places. Maybe I'll take Bimbus out to the park.”

Rae had stumbled into the kitchen behind them to get a bottle of water out of the fridge. Sykkuno heard her sigh, loudly and impatiently.

Corpse was bouncing his leg and tapping the counter with black-painted nails as he waited for Rae to leave. She did, holding her water and shaking her head. 

Sykkuno wasn't sure what to do, so he poured himself a glass of water. Coffee would be better. He was kind of tired. There was a Keurig in the kitchen but he didn't know who it belonged to or if there were any of the K-cup things. 

“Hey, uh,” Corpse started, quietly. “Do you think you'd like some company on your walk?”

Sykkuno's heart double-thumped. “You mean...you?”

“Yeah. No pressure or anything. I get that you have your own stuff to do. But.... I think I'd like to meet Bimbus. He looks really cute.”

“Oh yeah, everyone likes Bimbus. Of course you can come,” Sykkuno said, hiding his smile behind his hand. “We usually just go around this trail near my house that leads to this park...it's not that fun, but it's, you know. A nice walk. Not a lot of people.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“We could stop at this place on the way back,” Sykkuno said out of nowhere. His palms seemed to be sweating. “Sometimes I get a milk tea. They have bubble tea, too...you like bubble tea, I think I heard you say.”

“Yeah, I like bubble tea.” Corpse was looking at him oddly, intensely, his dark eyes fixed on Sykkuno's face and his mouth strangely curved like he was biting the inside of his cheek. “I'd love to get bubble tea with you, Sykkuno.”

“Cool, um. It's – ” _A date_ , his stupid mind finished. “It's going to be fun, then,” he said lamely.

“Where are you going for the night? Home?”

“I don't know. Toast drove me here, but Toast was drinking...I don't know. I can take an Uber.” Sykkuno hated taking Ubers. It was always so awkward, being in a car with a total stranger. 

Corpse's gaze shifted, and Sykkuno heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Toast leaning in the doorway.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Oh, no, not at all.” Sykkuno stepped away from the bar, thinking that Toast probably wanted another drink. “Corpse and I were just talking...”

“Right. You're taking an Uber home, you said? I thought you hated doing that.”

“Well...I don't have a car, and you drove me here, so...”

Corpse was following the conversation silently.

Toast yawned. “You know we have an extra guest room, right, Sykkuno?”

“Oh. But you gave it to Rae, I thought.”

“I meant an extra one on top of the one I set up for her. Sykkuno, do you really think I'd make you come to a party and then leave you stranded?” 

“I guess not?”

“Good. I'm not that kind of guy. I don't just invite people and then kick them out. Jodi and Syanne are going to take the couch once somebody hauls Michael up to his room. I'll leave the door open so you know which room is yours.” Toast glanced at Corpse, then back to Sykkuno. “The bed in the guest room is pretty big.”

“Oh,” Sykkuno said vaguely. “That's cool, I guess. I don't mind sleeping anywhere though. I don't take up a lot of room.”

Toast laughed and said, “Alright, Sykkuno. Corpse, you get my drift, yeah?”

Corpse's face suddenly looked less pale, like he was flushed. He nodded and ducked his head down to let his curls fall over his face.

“Cool.” Toast bumped the fridge shut with his hip. “If you're hungry, eat whatever. If you need anything, just ask.”

He was talking to Corpse. Sykkuno was slow, but he wasn't _that_ slow. The weird fluttery feeling in his stomach came back with a vengeance and it seemed to be hard to breathe.

“I think,” he started quietly, after Toast had left. “I think he was saying...that you could stay the night, Corpse.”

“I think so too.”

“And I think he meant we could share the room.” Sykkuno almost shivered, saying it out loud. “Share the bed. Because it's so big.”

“Would you mind?” Corpse's voice was quiet too. His eyes were wide. He looked – afraid, almost. Nervous. As nervous as Sykkuno.

“I...I...um...no. No, I think...” The image of Corpse lying in a bed – lying next to _him_ – hit him like a ton of bricks. He'd never slept in a bed with anyone before. Was that something friends did? _Don't make it weird,_ he chastised himself. It wasn't weird. It was just polite. Toast was a really nice guy like that, even if he didn't always show it. Like when Rae said Sykkuno didn't have to feel guilty about drinking the alcohol. They invited Corpse so they politely set up a place for him to stay, just like they'd planned for Sykkuno to sleep over. Maybe Toast had been planning on giving them separate rooms until Rae decided to sleep over. And of course the house didn't just have endless space. And it would be weird to sleep with Rae. It was only right that she had her own room. Guys shared rooms all the time.

“I think...” Sykkuno got out. “I wouldn't mind at all. It'll be fun. Maybe we'll all go out for breakfast or something tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Corpse said, almost in a rush. “Okay, good. I promise I don't snore or anything.”

“I don't think I do either. Are you tired yet?”

“I'm always tired.” Corpse laughed. God, Sykkuno liked that laugh. “I have a hard time sleeping.”

“We should go to bed, then.” _Together, oh my god._ “Did you bring, like, a bag or anything? They usually leave extra toothbrushes and stuff in the bathroom. The upstairs bathroom. If you need that.”

Corpse hesitated. “Can you show me?”

“Sure.” Sykkuno's head whirled. He turned towards the stairs, too fast, too clumsy. He tripped over his own foot, like a complete idiot, and gasped as he started to fall. He put his hands out to stop his fall and then -

Corpse caught him in his arms.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said awkwardly, his face hotter than ever. “Oh jeeze, I...thank you.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I...yeah. I'm good.”

Corpse's arms were still around him. Sykkuno turned to face him, and he'd caught his balance, but Corpse wasn't letting go. They were close enough that Sykkuno could feel Corpse trembling slightly, close enough that he could smell a touch of deodorant and soap, a human scent, _Corpse's_ scent. He could see Corpse's eyes, wide beneath his curly fringe, and for the first time Sykkuno saw that they weren't just plain dark brown like his own but a rich, smoky amber – like there was a fire burning way deep down inside. 

“Corpse?” he whispered. “I...I, um...are you...are you okay too? You're shaking.”

“I'm nervous. I'm so fucking nervous.” Corpse swallowed loud enough that Sykkuno heard. “God, you're – I...”

Sykkuno wasn't sure what made him do it. He generally wasn't a person who gave hugs. He gave Toast a hug once, and that was nice. In general, though, he didn't like being so close to people. But _Corpse_...there was just something about him, and he was so nervous – Sykkuno knew what it was like to be nervous.

He put his arms around Corpse's shoulders – they were almost the same height, Corpse standing just a little taller – and hugged him.

“Don't be nervous,” he said into Corpse's ear. “It's just me. It's okay.”

“Just you,” he heard Corpse breathe. “Yeah.” 

Corpse's arms dropped from Sykkuno's chest and slipped around his waist. The shock of his warm hands made Sykkuno gasp again. Corpse's hands felt so big on his small waist. He wasn't sure what to do, but some instinct made him lift his hand to stroke Corpse's hair. It was drier than his own, coarse but nice, and so thick it felt like he could bury his fingers in it.

It felt good. Everything felt good. It was the best hug he'd ever had. 

“Sykkuno...you're not drunk, are you?”

“Me? Oh, oh no, definitely not. I just had the one beer way earlier, and the cocktail Rae made for me. But I drank that over a few hours, so... I'm just...clumsy I guess, and I...am I acting drunk? Am I talking too much? Is this...weird?”

“No. No, not at all. I just wanted to make sure.”

“Why?”

“Because if you were drunk, then I couldn't do this.”

“Do what?” 

Corpse kissed him.

It was so sudden, so shocking, that Sykkuno didn't have time to be nervous. He'd never kissed anyone. He'd never been kissed. He didn't know what to do, but everything was happening so fast. Corpse's lips were soft against his, and his breath tasted sweeter and more intoxicating than the cocktail Rae had made him.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said weakly when they broke apart. “Oh...um...wow. Wow. Corpse...?”

“I'm sorry,” Corpse whispered, looking dazed. “I, uh...”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Was that okay?” Corpse sounded weak too, maybe afraid. “Was that...”

“It was...it was good, I think. I just...I don't know why you...”

“You _think_ it was good?” Corpse asked worriedly.

“I...well, I've never...”

“You've never been kissed?”

“No,” Sykkuno admitted weakly, burning with shame. “People don't really...you know, they don't usually...want to?”

“I want to.”

“Why?”

“Because I like you,” Corpse said. “Because...because I can't help myself. You make me feel something I don't ever think I've felt before. A-and you look even cuter in person.”

“I do?” That hit so much differently, coming from Corpse. It was nice to hear it from Rae and Lily, but from _Corpse_....

“Yeah. I really wanted to meet you. I'm really glad that I did.”

“I am too,” Sykkuno managed. “And...if you want to do that again, I think...I'd like it a lot.”

“I definitely want to.” Corpse's voice was like the low rumble of thunder. “You taste like peaches.”

Sykkuno blushed. “It must be the drink. The cocktail. You...you taste nice too.”

“Jesus,” Corpse said thickly. He glanced out towards the living room. Lily and Michael were still dead asleep. Someone was out on the back deck; there were faint voices coming from outside. “Should we, uh...go upstairs?”

“Yeah. To...the guest room. Our room.”

“Yeah.”

Sykkuno wondered why he wasn't more of a nervous wreck. This was new. This was really, really new, and really weird, too. He'd never thought that his first kiss would be with a guy. But it was good – it made him feel a lot of things he'd never felt before, just like Corpse said. Was it so different from a girl? Did it matter?

Somehow, Sykkuno didn't care.

“I don't mean, uh,” Corpse looked worried again. “No pressure. I'm not trying anything, or asking you to, uh...”

Sykkuno swallowed. “Just to sleep,” he said. “And maybe try that...that kissing thing again? If you want...”

“Jesus, Sykkuno.” Corpse blinked.

If Corpse had been different – if he'd been confident, flirty, over-the-top, and brave – Sykkuno probably would have bolted out the door, no matter how pretty Corpse was or how nice his lips felt. But the fact that Corpse seemed just as timid as himself made it seem easier, somehow. It seemed like maybe they were almost on the same page. 

And it had felt so good to have his arms around Corpse. It had felt even better to have Corpse's lips against his. 

“Come on,” Sykkuno said, for once not hiding his smile. “Let's go find our room.”

And in a moment of uncharacteristic courage, Sykkuno took Corpse's hand. 

Corpse looked down at their clasped hands and smiled. He had very nice white, even teeth. His hand felt almost electrified when it squeezed Sykkuno's.

Together, they went upstairs.


	3. iii.

The house was quiet and dark.

Sykkuno sat on the bed in the guest bedroom, listening to Corpse brushing his teeth and washing his hands. It was almost intimate, listening to somebody get ready for bed. It was especially intimate because it was Corpse – still half a stranger, but a friend, and now more than a friend but still a mystery. The idea of just sleeping next to him almost felt like more of an expression of trust than the kiss.

 _My first kiss,_ Sykkuno thought, with a rush of warmth. 

He never thought it would have happened like that. It didn't seem like the kind of thing that usually took people by complete surprise. But that was for the best. Probably he would have been a nervous wreck if he'd known that it was going to happen. Especially if he knew it was going to be _Corpse_. It had been kind of fast, but Sykkuno thought he could finally understand what all the fuss was about. 

The sound of running water suddenly stopped, jerking Sykkuno out of his thoughts. He looked up to see the door creak open. Corpse stepped in, quiet on socked feet. His eyeliner was mostly gone, reduced to just a lingering shadow, and his fingers were bare. He'd taken his rings off. Without them, or his leather jacket, he looked...softer, somehow. 

Sykkuno wanted to kiss him again but didn't know how to start. 

“Are you, um, all ready for bed?” he asked instead.

“Yeah, I think so.” Corpse ran a hand over his hair. Was he nervous too? “I hope nobody minds that I used one of the makeup wipes.”

“Oh, they wouldn't mind. It's like the extra toothbrushes. They always keep stuff for guests.”

“I like that,” Corpse said. “I can see why you didn't mind having them as roommates. If I could...I mean, if I wanted to...I wouldn't mind having roommates like that.”

“They're great,” Sykkuno agreed. “It was nice of them to have a room for us too.”

“Yeah.” Corpse rubbed his arms. “So are you going to just sleep like that?”

“Well, not like this.” Sykkuno pulled the blanket back and got his legs underneath before laying down on the pillow to demonstrate. “More like this, actually.”

Corpse laughed. “I meant, well...jeans aren't very comfortable to sleep in.”

“Oh, um, did you want me to take them off?”

“Jesus, Sykkuno.”

“What? Oh, I, um, I didn't mean...was that weird?” 

“No. God, no.” Corpse blinked and laughed again. “You really don't have any idea how hot you are, do you?”

“I...I guess not?” Sykkuno wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed. “I wasn't, you know, trying to make it sound like I wanted to...um...it's just my underwear, right?”

Corpse stared at him for a while, and then said. “It depends on how comfortable you are. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, alright then.” Sykkuno couldn't figure out what the look on his face meant. But for some reason, it was making him feel that fluttery sensation again, although...it seemed lower than his stomach, now. “So does that mean I should take them off?” he asked, just to make sure.

“Do you honestly think I'm going to say no?” Corpse asked, and Sykkuno liked the little flash of teeth that showed when he grinned. 

“Well, I've never slept beside anyone before. So I wasn't sure if it was...um, not rude, but what's the word? Pressuring? Presumptuous?”

Corpse nodded like he understood. “I don't see it that way at all.”

“Oh. Oh, that's good.”

“And I promise I won't, uh, presume anything, either. I know it's just about being comfortable. I respect that it's not an invitation.”

Sykkuno blushed. Corpse sounded so serious and gentle. “I trust you, Corpse.”

“I can't promise not to look, though.”

He blushed harder. “That's...well, I have boxers on, so it's just my legs. I suppose you can look at those.” Sykkuno had never thought much about his legs. Were they nice to look at? Would Corpse like them? They were kind of skinny. He took lots of walks with Bimbus but didn't really work out or anything. Corpse looked like he worked out. 

But when he unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down, he heard Corpse make a soft noise, like he was letting out a slow breath to keep calm. 

“That is a lot better,” Sykkuno said, wishing he had the nerve to ask Corpse if he liked what he saw. He was glad he'd worn decent boxers. Some of his had holes in them. 

“Yeah. Yeah.” Corpse was still standing there as if frozen. 

Sykkuno took a deep breath. “Um, so what about you?”

“Fuck,” Corpse said, and then he was scrambling, shaky hands pushing the worn black denim down his pale thighs – his _thighs_ \- to puddle at his black-socked feet. He nearly tripped stepping out of them, because he was still looking at Sykkuno, and Sykkuno didn't notice he was being stared at because his eyes were nowhere near Corpse's face.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said dumbly. “I...”

Corpse said shakily, “I – I know it's not – I have eczema, that's why there's dry patches, and...”

“I didn't notice,” Sykkuno said honestly. _Even his underwear is black._ “I think you look really good. And you should maybe stop standing there and come see how comfy the bed is.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay, wow.”

For a fleeting second, Sykkuno pictured him climbing on top, straddling his thighs, leaning down to press their bodies together – but he didn't. Sykkuno wasn't sure whether or not to be disappointed. Instead Corpse carefully slid under the covers next to him and turned on his side so they could still look at each other.

“Is this okay?” Corpse asked, nervous again.

Sykkuno nodded, not trusting himself to speak. “I think I like it.”

“I think I do too.”

Sykkuno inched closer, and Corpse put his hand high up on Sykkuno's arm, brushing his thumb over Sykkuno's skin. His touch made Sykkuno shiver. Lit from behind by the soft yellow light of the lamp, Corpse was all shadows, his eyes big and dark, his eyebrows fierce. His lips were so full they cast a slight shadow of their own on his chin. Everything about him was so dark and mysterious, but not in a way that made Sykkuno feel shut out. Everything about him was _exciting_ , and Sykkuno's heart was racing even though he wasn't doing anything but laying there and looking at Corpse's pretty face.

“I can't believe you're here,” Corpse said, almost to himself. “I can't believe I was gonna say no when Rae asked me to come.”

“I'm glad she asked you. I never would have. I mean, not because I didn't want you here. I just...really never thought you'd want to come.”

“Why?”

“Well, you're always really busy,” Sykkuno said, “and you don't even live in LA. Even if you did...I just don't like bothering you, that's all. I don't want to be annoying or anything.”

Corpse nodded, his brow furrowed. “Can I ask you something?”

“Well, of course.”

“Didn't you know how much I like you?”

“Well,” Sykkuno frowned. “I didn't think that all _this_ was going to happen. I like it but I was pretty surprised.”

“I meant before. Before we met in person today.”

“Well sure. I mean, we got along. You messaged me sometimes and we always had fun while playing. I liked you a lot...and yeah, I thought you liked me too, I think. It's hard to tell sometimes.”

“Hard to tell?” Corpse sounded...not hurt, but maybe disappointed.

Sykkuno thought for a minute about how to explain himself without sounding rude. 

“I have a hard time trusting people,” he eventually said. “I never had any friends before I met Lily and Toast and everyone. I don't really know what I did wrong, but I must have done something wrong, because everyone has friends, right? But I just...never know. I never figured out what I'm doing wrong. I try to be nice, and sometimes I think people are being nice back, but it turns out it's just a joke. And I'm never sure why. It's like they think it's funny to make me think they like me? I just don't see why that would make anyone feel good.”

Corpse's mouth tightened like the words pained him to hear.

“I don't mean you,” Sykkuno hastened to add. “It's not that I have a hard time trusting you. You've always been really cool.”

“It's just a hard habit to break, isn't it?” Corpse murmured. He squeezed Sykkuno's arm gently. “Not wanting to get too close for fear that you'll get burned.”

Sykkuno's throat suddenly tightened and he nodded. 

“I wish I'd known you sooner,” Corpse said. “I used to work out a lot, and if I ever saw anybody hurting you...” His gaze locked on Sykkuno's, and a muscle in his jaw clenched. For the first time he looked as ominous as his online avatar.

It made Sykkuno's stomach fizzy again to think of Corpse defending him. “I wish I'd known you sooner too,” he said, “but you know...the people that were being mean, they already must be pretty unhappy, right? Something must have gone really wrong in their lives for them to feel good about making me feel bad. So in the end I think they must hurt more than I ever did anyway. There wouldn't be much of a reason to act like they do because all it does it...continue the cycle, you know? I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose, even if I think maybe they deserve it.”

Corpse's eyes softened again. “You really are as sweet as I thought you'd be,” he said. “Not many people would be mature enough to look at it that way.”

“Oh, um, really? I don't think anyone's ever called me mature,” Sykkuno said, completely bemused. “Usually I think I'm the opposite, really. Even though I'm a lot older than you.”

“A _lot_ older?” Corpse's lips tugged into a smile.

“Isn't five years a lot?”

Corpse giggled. The sound was so pure and sweet that Sykkuno started to laugh. He raised a hand to cover his mouth but stopped and put it on Corpse's shoulder instead.

“I didn't mean...” Sykkuno said through his grin. “I didn't mean it was like, weird or anything? It's not a big difference.”

“Mm. Yeah. Not like you'd be taking advantage of me or anything.” Something in Corpse's voice sounded teasing, but not in a mean way. “Not that I'd complain if you tried...”

Suddenly it felt like it was hard to breathe. “What...oh, I wouldn't....I would never, um...wh-what do you mean by that?”

“God, you're so fucking cute, Sy.”

He blushed. “Sy?”

“You don't like it?” 

“No, no. I do. Nobody else calls me that.” Sykkuno thought. “Do you know my real name?”

“No. Do you tell people?”

“Sure. It's not a secret, really. It's Thomas.”

“Thomas,” Corpse repeated, like he was tasting the name. “Is that what you want me to call you?”

“You can if you want. I don't mind. Lots of people do. It is my name, after all.”

Corpse hummed. “I like Sykkuno better.”

“Yeah?”

“It already has so many good memories associated with it,” Corpse said, “and...it suits you, somehow.”

“Corpse suits you too,” Sykkuno said. “Not that um, you look dead or something. You definitely don't. But it's...cool and dark.”

“I like the way you say my name.” Corpse looked at him. “I thought you were going to ask me to tell you my real name too.”

“I wasn't going to. I know you're a private guy and that you don't tell people, so...I don't want to be rude. You don't have to tell me.”

“Just for that,” Corpse said with a little smile. “I'll tell you.”

He leaned in and nuzzled Sykkuno's ear until his breath made Sykkuno shiver. And with that breath he whispered a name.

“Oh,” Sykkuno closed his eyes. “That's a good one.”

“I wanted you to know,” Corpse said softly, “but I don't like people using it.”

“How come? It's not a bad name.”

“There's some not-so-good memories associated with it.” A shadow passed over Corpse's face. “It just felt right to tell you.”

Sykkuno understood how much Corpse was trusting him, and he didn't take it lightly. “I think I kind of know that it's like to have memories associated with things. Like my high school. I can't even look at it when I go by it, because...well, it was a really bad time. The teachers were okay and I liked school. But when something really bad happens, it just...it kind of takes over your thoughts, doesn't it?”

“It does.” Corpse's face went tight with something like sadness.

“But it's okay,” Sykkuno went on, “because the bad stuff doesn't last forever. It gets better. I never thought I'd ever have friends, but then I did. So much good stuff has happened even just this year and I keep thinking all this good luck has to stop soon, but it doesn't. It just keeps getting better. So maybe someday I won't even think of the bad stuff anymore.”

“Not luck,” Corpse said. “You deserve every bit of the success you've gotten.”

“Thanks, Corpse.” Sykkuno smiled. “You do too. Well, you do so much more than me with your music and stuff. So you deserve it even more.”

“No,” Corpse said patiently. “Don't say that.”

“Oh, but it's true though. And your streams are better than mine.”

“You take that back, Sykkuno.”

Sykkuno giggled. “What, no, I'm being serious. They are better.”

“You take that back or else.”

“Or else what?”

“I'll think of something.”

“Are you going to um, fight me or something? I think you'll win. I mean, you look pretty tough so I bet I'd be pretty helpless if you tried anything.” An image flashed in Sykkuno's head and made him blush. “But I...I don't think I'd mind if you did.”

Corpse let out a breath. “Are you trying to kill me, Sykkuno?”

“Am I trying to turn my Corpse into a corpse? Oh no, definitely not.”

The joke was really bad. Corpse had heard it multiple times. But he stared at Sykkuno, looking blindsided, almost dazed.

“Your Corpse?” he repeated, in a tone that Sykkuno hadn't heard yet. Sykkuno hadn't even noticed the way he'd phrased it, but he realized the implications of it and wondered if he'd gone a little too far. But then Corpse's eyes fluttered closed, and his lips were curved up in an almost dreamy kind of smile.

Sykkuno didn't remember making the decision to lean in, but suddenly they were kissing, and Corpse wasn't the one who'd started it this time.

Corpse made a little noise as soft as his lips, and slid his hand into Sykkuno's hair.

Maybe it was clumsy, maybe Sykkuno had no idea what he was doing. Maybe he'd come in a little too strong, because his momentum and urgency had Corpse roll half onto his back, so that Sykkuno had to plant a hand on the other side of him to brace himself. And then it became something else entirely, because their bodies were pressed so close together, and it was more than just a kiss – it wasn't innocent, it wasn't just sweet, it was awakening a lot of things inside of him that made his whole body flush with heat. And then Corpse's mouth opened beneath his own, and _oh_ , this is what people always talked about - _this_ was why people liked kissing so much. 

Sykkuno didn't know exactly what to do and it was hard to think – Corpse's _tongue_ was touching his, so soft and warm – and his hand gripped Sykkuno's hair harder when Sykkuno tilted his head and did it back, darting his tongue into Corpse's mouth. And just before Corpse pulled away he sucked Sykkuno's bottom lip into his mouth and grazed it with his teeth, and Sykkuno gasped.

Corpse stared up at him wildly and said, “Oh my God.”

“Was it...” Sykkuno had a hard time collecting his thoughts. “Was that good?”

“I, uh.” Corpse took a deep breath. “Maybe too good? I...kinda don't want you to get me too excited. I don't want to freak you out.”

Maybe Sykkuno was innocent about this stuff, but he thought he knew what Corpse meant. “I wouldn't get freaked out.”

“I don't want to move too fast either.” Corpse cupped his jaw. “I want to take it slow with you so I don't fuck this up.”

“Why would you, um, mess it up?”

“I have a track record.”

“Oh. Maybe it was their fault, though.”

“You're too good to me, Sy.” He sounded wistful. “You're too good _for_ me.”

Sykkuno felt embarrassed. “I'm not. I'm just being honest.”

Sykkuno liked the way Corpse was looking at him. He liked Corpse's shy smile. He liked the way he felt so safe and warm beneath the covers, in Corpse's arms. He could feel his eyelids growing heavy and his mind was turning sluggish. His efforts to stifle a yawn failed.

“You're tired?” Corpse asked.

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah. Do you like being the little spoon, or the big spoon?”

“Spoon?” Sykkuno's brow furrowed.

Corpse kissed his scrunched forehead and made him blush. “If we both lay on our sides, someone's in front and someone's behind,” he explained. “If you're the little spoon, you're in the front.”

“Oh, okay, that makes sense. I've never...I've actually never slept with anyone before, so I'm not sure. What do you like?”

“I kinda want to be the little spoon.”

“I get to be the big spoon? Oh, alright. I think I like that.”

Corpse's smile was almost shy. “Okay,” he said, and rolled over away from him. With the covers half tugged down, Sykkuno got a whole new view that he'd never considered before. Below the pale strip of skin beneath the hem of Corpse's T-shirt, the fabric of his underwear stretched tight across his ass. Sykkuno shuffled closer, and his face grew hot when he realized what part of him would be pressed up against that ass.

“C'mere,” Corpse murmured, reaching blindly behind him. “You're nice and warm.”

“Okay.” Sykkuno slipped an arm across Corpse's waist and pulled himself close, close enough that they were touching _everywhere_ , warm and intimate. He felt Corpse's sharp intake of breath, felt him trembling, but Sykkuno thought it wasn't from fear or nervousness. It was just sensation. Sykkuno was feeling the same thing. Sleeping with another person felt incredible. There was a bit of a thrill from the closeness of their position, but Sykkuno was tired enough that it wasn't getting him _too_ excited.

“Is this good?” Sykkuno whispered. “Will you be able to sleep like this?”

Corpse grasped Sykkuno's hand. “I think so. This is perfect.”

The back of Corpse's hair was even curlier than the front. Sykkuno pushed his face into it and instinctively kissed the nape of his neck.

“Goodnight,” he breathed against Corpse's skin, and promptly fell asleep himself before he heard Corpse's soft reply.


	4. iv.

When Sykkuno woke up, it took him a moment to remember where he was. 

At first everything was dark, and something was tickling his nose. But then Sykkuno lifted his head and realized that he had a face full of black hair. He was still pressed up against Corpse's back, his legs tucked up behind Corpse's thighs. It was deliciously warm under the covers, especially where their bare legs were touching. The room was bright and streaked with sun shining through the blinds. He could hear Corpse's slow, even breathing. 

_He's still asleep,_ Sykkuno thought, propping himself up on one elbow. Corpse looked so handsome and peaceful, and Sykkuno could look as long as he wanted. Sykkuno gazed at his curly hair, all tousled and wild with sleep, and the shadow of his eyelashes on his pale cheeks. His eyes had dark circles under them. Corpse said he had trouble sleeping, but he seemed pretty dead to the world right now. Sykkuno thought he could easily stay in bed for hours just like this, with Corpse in his arms.

But Sykkuno's body had other plans. He'd downed a whole water bottle before bed, because he always did after drinking alcohol, and the need to go quickly became way too strong to ignore. Careful not to move the bed too much, Sykkuno slipped out from under the covers and headed to the bathroom. 

His throat was so dry, his mouth parched and stale. Brushing his teeth helped, but he was still thirsty. There was no cup in the bathroom, though, so Sykkuno had to head downstairs for a drink. He pulled on his jeans first so that nobody had to see him in his underwear. That was something only Corpse was allowed to see. 

That thought made him smile. 

As he made his way downstairs, he noticed how bright the light outside the big front windows seemed to be. Sykkuno looked at the clock and was surprised to see that it was one PM. Was he really the first one up? Maybe the others had been drinking more than he thought.

But he wasn't the first one up after all. In the kitchen he found Rae, looking half dead, her long hair shoved up in a ponytail. She was picking at a bowl of cereal. When Sykkuno opened the dishwasher to find a clean glass, she groaned piteously at the noise of all the silverware rattling around.

“How are you feeling, Rae?” Sykkuno asked generously, trying to close it again as quietly as he could.

She groaned again. “My _head_.”

“It hurts? Yeah, you sure had a lot of wine. That makes sense.” 

“Maybe I overdid it a little,” she admitted. “I was having fun.”

“So was I,” Sykkuno said, letting himself smile.

“Were you?” Rae lifted her head and squinted at him. “Did you like my cocktail?”

 _You taste like peaches,_ Corpse had said. “It was really nice.”

“Just _nice_?”

“ _Really_ nice, I said. I liked the sugar on the edge. I don't think I've ever had something so fancy.”

That seemed to please her. “Good. I was just checking to see if you even remembered drinking it.”

“Of course I remember. I didn't get drunk at all.”

“No, but you seemed very distracted,” she said pointedly, swirling her spoon in the milk. 

“Wh-what do you mean? I was...I was just...”

“Too busy with your favourite party guest?”

“I don't have favourites,” Sykkuno protested. It wasn't exactly a lie. “I had a good time with everybody.”

“Corpse's boots are still at the door.”

“Um, yep. They sure are.”

“So he stayed the night?” Rae pressed.

“Yeah. I slept with him.”

Rae choked on her cereal.

“Not like that!” Sykkuno blurted. “Oh jesus, Rae, we didn't – we shared the guest room, that's all! The extra guest room!”

“You shared a bedroom?”

“Well...you took the other one, so we had to.”

“Oh yeah? And let me guess, there was only one bed?”

“Y-yeah, but Rae, it's not – well – maybe it is – ” 

“ _What!_ Did you two actually – oh my god, Sykkuno!”

“We didn't – do _that._ We just...um...you know.” Sykkuno covered his mouth with both hands. “I don't really want to say, but...”

She lifted her eyebrows. “Did you kiss him?” she asked, her tone plainly indicating that she already knew the answer.

“Well, um, it was more...the other way around.”

“Well yeah, I figured. But did you kiss him back?”

“Rae!” Sykkuno glanced nervously at the stairs. “You won't tell anyone, will you? I mean, he's – you know, he's a private guy, okay, and I shouldn't – ”

“Oh, _puh-leeze_ , he wasn't being very private about flirting with you all night, was he?”

“Flirting?”

“Oh my _God,_ did you not notice?”

Sykkuno covered his mouth. “Well, I...I think I got the message eventually?”

“Ooohh. So where is he? Is that him showering?”

“No. He's still asleep. ” An image of Corpse in the shower suddenly floated into his mind. He ducked his head to hide his blush. Rae always knew way too much about what he was thinking.

“You left him there alone?”

“I didn't leave him.” Sykkuno frowned at the thought. “I just had to use the bathroom. And then I thought I'd come get water. Maybe he wants a water when he wakes up too, right? I'm going to bring him a cup. I'll put some ice in it so it stays nice and cold. In case he still wants to sleep for a while.”

“You guys are going to be one of those nauseatingly cute couples, aren't you?”

“A...a what?” Sykkuno covered his mouth. “I don't know...I don't think...this doesn't make us a couple, does it?”

“Did you even talk about that before you started kissing?”

Sykkuno shook his head, suddenly realizing just how ignorant he was about stuff that other people just seemed to instinctively know. “Were we supposed to?”

She softened. “It's not like there's an instruction manual. And no, kissing doesn't automatically make you a couple. But Sykkuno...I know I haven't known you for a long time or anything, but I feel like I know you pretty well. And I've never seen you show so much interest in anyone before Corpse came along. And the way he was _looking_ at you last night, oh my God.”

“How was he looking at me?”

“Please tell me that you didn't miss that, too.”

Sykkuno did remember Corpse looking at him often. “Well...no, I didn't miss it. I just don't really know much about, um, this kind of stuff.”

“Everyone could see it. He was like, _mesmerized._ Like a little anime character with the sparkles in their eyes.”

“What?” He covered his mouth again. “That's, um, why would he be mesmerized?”

“Sykkuno, I already told you that you're cute, and I'm not going to do it again. If you don't believe me, now you need to ask Corpse. Maybe now you'll finally accept that people really _are_ into you.”

Despite her exasperated tone, her words were sweet, and Sykkuno knew she was being genuine. “Thanks, Rae. So you think...do you think that Corpse wants to be...a couple?”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don't know.” He honestly didn't. He knew that he wanted to see a lot more of Corpse...and he'd be really hurt if they didn't meet up again for a long time. 

“Maybe you should ask him.”

Sykkuno hugged his arms around himself. “Already? I don't know...” He hadn't even considered what all of this meant for the future. It was crazy enough to think that his first kiss had just happened out of nowhere. He'd always kind of thought it would happen with a girl. 

_But did you?_ another voice in his head whispering, recalling years of rather baffling interactions with girls. They hadn't ever been interested in him, and the feeling was mutual...except Sykkuno had always just imagined that he hadn't met the right one yet. He thought it would be different, somehow, when that time came. Something would just click, and everything would fall into place. Except it never had...and the barrage of female viewers and compliments in his chat just felt more baffling than flattering.

Rae shrugged and swallowed a mouthful of cereal. “Well, what do you think is going to happen next?”

“He wanted to come for a walk with me today,” Sykkuno remembered. “With Bimbus. And I think we're going to get bubble tea.”

“So you're having a date. That's good!”

“Is that what a date is?”

“ _Sykkuno._ ”

“I don't know,” he protested. “I really don't. I mean...if Corpse wants it to be a date...”

“What do _you_ want?”

It was a good question. Sykkuno thought about it. “I'm not sure,” he said finally. “I've never had a...a, you know.” The word _boyfriend_ had never occurred to him before and it felt too foreign to even say out loud. “All I know is that he's really nice. I can talk to him, I feel like I can trust him. He's interesting, and mysterious, and funny. I want to get to know him better. And he's also...”

“Really hot,” Rae finished, matter-of-fact.

“Oh, um.” Sykkuno's face heated up. “I guess he is.” 

“You _guess_?”

“You think so too?”

“Don't worry, I'm not crushing on him. I mean, I can't say I wouldn't turn him down...but he's all yours, Sykkuno.”

She looked playful and impish. Sykkuno didn't know what to say without something embarrassing coming out of his mouth. He filled a new glass with ice from the fridge and water from the dispenser, for Corpse. “I'm gonna go back upstairs now,” he told her decisively, with a little nod for emphasis.

“Have fun on your date today if I don't see you again,” she called after him, but quietly, so he wouldn't be too embarrassed. 

Sykkuno's ears turned red anyway.

Corpse hadn't moved from where Sykkuno had left him. His back rose and fell in the slow rhythmic pattern of sleep. One of his arms was shoved up under the pillow and the other rested at his side, the muscle in his bicep bulging.

Sykkuno almost tip toed around to his side of the bed to put the cup of water down on the nightstand, then wiggled back out of his jeans. As Sykkuno slipped into the bed beside him, Corpse rolled onto his back. His eyes opened blearily. At first he looked confused, but then he saw Sykkuno and his face broke into a smile.

“Oh,” Corpse said, his voice all sleep-rough and deep. “So it wasn't a dream.”

“What wasn't a dream?”

Corpse shuffled closer and pushed his face against Sykkuno's shoulder. “Last night. You.”

His hair smelled good, earthy and sweet. Sykkuno stroked his hand across the tousled curls. “Oh, yep, that all definitely happened. Do you dream a lot?”

“Normally they're not very nice,” Corpse said, “but once in a while I get lucky.”

“You have a lot of bad dreams?” Sykkuno asked sympathetically. “I don't remember most of mine.”

“Must be nice.”

Corpse sounded sad. It was making Sykkuno anxious. He didn't know what to do, so he just kept petting Corpse's hair, unsure if it was something that felt good for him. Corpse certainly wasn't complaining about it.

“I bet it's because you have a bad sleep schedule,” Sykkuno offered. “You always say you stay up late.”

“Yeah, maybe.” A shadow had fallen across his face.

Sykkuno's stomach twisted. “Did I...did I say something wrong?”

Corpse shook his head. “Fuck, no, don't be sorry. I'm just...don't worry about it.”

“I know your sleep schedule is none of my business.” It was just like him to make everything awkward. “I only meant...I want you to have good dreams, not bad ones. That's a stupid thing to say though, isn't it? If you could control it so easily I'm sure it wouldn't even be a problem.”

“Hey.” Corpse reached up and brushed a hand against Sykkuno's jaw. “It's okay. You didn't say anything stupid.”

“Okay, good.” Sykkuno swallowed. Corpse's soft touch made his stomach settle. “Just making sure.”

“What time is it anyway?”

“Just about one-thirty, I think.”

“Whoa. That's the most sleep I've gotten in three years.”

“This bed is really soft,” Sykkuno offered. “Maybe that's why. A good mattress makes a big difference.”

Corpse's hand trailed down his arm. “I don't think the mattress had much to do with it.”

“Oh,” Sykkuno said, flustered. “Well, I'm glad we slept together, then.”

The corners of Corpse's mouth twitched, but he didn't laugh, not even when Sykkuno hid his embarrassed smile behind his hands. “I'm glad too.”

Sykkuno watched Corpse prop himself up on an elbow, looking up at him with heavy lidded eyes and a sated, lazy kind of smile. Sykkuno had first thought Corpse looked older than his years – older than himself, at any rate – but in the light of day, without his makeup, something about him seemed suddenly youthful. _He doesn't have those bluish circles under his eyes anymore,_ Sykkuno suddenly realized.

He knew enough not to say that out loud, though. Instead he leaned in to kiss him. Somehow it already felt like the most natural thing in the world.

“Mm,” Corpse hummed, his eyes dreamy when they parted. “That's a nice way to wake up, but I should really brush my teeth first before we do too much of that. Or else I might scare you off.”

“Scare me off?” Sykkuno giggled. “I didn't notice anything. Do you want water? I got you a glass right there.”

Corpse blinked and sat up. “You brought me water?”

“I thought you might be thirsty. I'm always thirsty when I wake up.”

Sykkuno watched Corpse's silver necklace bob up and down as he swallowed. The light from the window shone through his hair, gleaming red. His shirt was twisted to the side from sleep, stretched tight across his chest and riding up on his stomach. He had a trail of dark hair leading down from his navel.

“You're beautiful,” Sykkuno blurted.

“Beautiful?” Corpse's eyebrows raised.

“Um, or handsome, I guess. I guess you don't really call guys beautiful, do you? Is that weird?”

“No, I liked it,” Corpse said softly, putting the glass aside. “Nobody's ever said that to me before.”

Sykkuno felt flustered. “Well, that's weird then, because it's true.”

Suddenly he found himself with his face in Corpse's neck, his hands on Corpse's back. Corpse had practically thrown himself on top of him, pinning him to the bed.

“You're too sweet,” Corpse mumbled into Sykkuno's hair. “What am I even supposed to do with you?”

“Um.” Sykkuno's voice was weak. “What...what do you mean?”

“Too good for me,” Corpse mumbled. “Don't deserve it.”

“Just because I brought you a glass of water?”

“You don't even know.”

He wasn't making any sense but Sykkuno thought he was probably just tired. “Maybe we should get up and have breakfast,” Sykkuno suggested. Corpse's neck smelled good. That was maybe a weird thing to notice. It was making his heart beat like crazy. “Or, well, it's not really breakfast anymore, is it? Lunch, then.”

Corpse made a noise of protest.

Sykkuno went on. “We could go out somewhere. Or order something. Or, if you don't want to wait, I'm sure you can just ask Toast or somebody if you can have something here.”

Corpse rolled over and into him, pushing Sykkuno onto his side so they were settled in what Corpse had called the spoons position, except this time Sykkuno was the little spoon. 

“Let's just stay here a little while longer,” Corpse breathed against the back of his neck, his hand settling on the bare skin showing at Sykkuno's waist. “I like it here.”

“Me too,” Sykkuno whispered back, shivering at the intimate touch. 

It didn't even matter if the others would eventually notice that he was still in here with Corpse, or if they came to the same realization that Rae did. Nothing else mattered but Corpse's warmth against his. It felt like the rest of the world didn't even exist. Nothing had ever felt this good. Sykkuno had slept for more than ten hours but he could sleep all day like this.

And then from just outside the door they heard a sudden jumble of voices – Brodin and Lily and someone else – and then Toast said distinctly, “It's just underwear, it doesn't have a gender, Scarra. And besides, it makes my ass look good.” 

Corpse laughed so hard that he wheezed, shoving his face against Sykkuno's shoulder and curling his legs up. Sykkuno kept his hands pressed hard over his mouth to suppress his shaking gasps of laughter.

“Oh jesus,” Sykkuno gasped out, which only put Corpse into further hysterics. 

It turned out that there was one thing better than cuddling with Corpse, and that was Corpse falling into him, his face lit up and his eyes crinkled shut, and the sound of their shared muffled laughter.


	5. v.

“Sorry about the mess,” Corpse said to Sykkuno as he climbed in the passenger side. “I don't normally have anyone in here.”

“That's okay.” Sykkuno buckled himself in and looked around. The only 'mess' he saw was an empty water bottle and a box of Kleenex left on the seat. “This is a cool car.” 

“It was kind of a piece of junk when I got it,” Corpse said, sounding pleased. “I fixed it up a bit.”

“Yeah, you do seem like the kind of person who could fix cars and stuff,” Sykkuno said, nodding. “That's cool. I don't know how to do that.”

“Nah. I'm not good or anything. I mostly watched Youtube for help. I needed a reliable car to get to all my appointments.”

“Appointments? Like doctor's appointments?”

“Yeah.” Corpse typed the address Sykkuno had given him into the GPS. 

“How many appointments do you have?”

“A lot of them. They're still trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Besides what I already know.”

Sykkuno felt sad. He knew Corpse struggled a lot with his illnesses even though he never really complained. Sykkuno felt lucky that he didn't have anything physically wrong with him. “Well I sure hope they find something that's easy to fix.”

“The only thing that's frustrating about this car is that it's actually worse on gas than an automatic,” Corpse said, smoothly ducking that topic as easily as he shifted gears. “At least in the city. I bought it for the price because I didn't have a choice.”

“I didn't like driving in the city with a manual transmission either,” Sykkuno said. “LA has too much traffic so it was just an inconvenience.”

“You can drive?” Corpse's eyebrows lifted. 

“Well yeah.” Sykkuno giggled. “That's not weird, is it?”

“You can drive _standard?_ ”

Sykkuno shrugged, embarrassed but happy that Corpse seemed impressed. “A lot of people can.”

“That's pretty cool. What else can you do that I don't know about?”

“Well...not much, I guess. I'm not very good at most things. I guess I was good at school? I got decent grades.”

“You have a _master's_ degree.”

“Oh, you know about that?” Sykkuno scratched his head. “It's less cool than it sounds. It's not like, medical school or law school or anything. And um, I actually cried after finals a lot. And I only did one extra curricular thing and it didn't even last that long.”

“I don't even have a high school diploma.”

Sykkuno didn't know anybody else that didn't have one, but it didn't strike him as a bad thing. Corpse was obviously smart anyway. “That's no big deal. You can always get one whenever you want, right? There's that test you can take.”

“It's a big deal to have a master's degree.”

Sykkuno blushed. “If you say so.”

“You're good at not taking compliments.”

“No, I...I really like them. Especially from you. I just don't have a lot of practice getting any compliments.”

“That's a lie. I've seen your chat.”

“They're just trolling, that's all.”

“They're not. _I'm_ not, either.”

“I believe _you_.”

“Do you?” Corpse finally smiled again. “That's a start. I heard you play bass.”

“You heard me play, or you heard that I play?”

“I heard a little. I like to watch your streams.”

“Really?” Sykkuno turned to look at him. “Well, then you must know I'm not very good at it. Yet,” he amended before Corpse could chastise him again. “I'm trying to learn some cool songs. More difficult ones. I want to be good. But most of my favourite songs, I'd need a guitar for, not a bass.”

“What kind of songs are you trying to do?”

“There's a couple that I can already do. Um, Give it Away, by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And um, Otherside, by the same band. The one that's hard is by Tool. Schism. It's one of my favourites because it's actually such a dominant sound in the song, you know? But learning it is so hard. It switches time signatures almost every other bar, but there's no pattern. It's amazing to listen to.”

“You like _Tool_?” Corpse stopped at a red light and turned to look at him, obviously surprised. “You...you _have_ to let me hear you sometime. I fuckin' love that band. That song. I really didn't expect you to listen to Tool.”

Sykkuno's cheeks flamed red. “I – I can only do the beginning part. I'm definitely not that good.”

“The beginning is the best part.”

“I don't think I could ever play the whole thing. And whenever I try to play for someone, my hands just start shaking like crazy.”

“I know what that's like. I can barely go out in public without shaking.”

Sykkuno frowned. Something had occurred to him. “Oh, but will you be okay at the park, then? I don't want to make you do anything that scares you.”

“You said there aren't a lot of people, right?”

Sykkuno nodded. “There might be one or two other people. Usually they have dogs too. Bimbus likes to say hi. And um, if we get bubble tea, of course there will be people there. But I could order for you? If you tell me what you want. And then we can go back to your car or find somewhere outside to sit.”

“I'd like that a lot.” Corpse seemed embarrassed. “But I can probably order for myself. I can...you know...function. Sometimes. It's just hard. And the city scares me.”

Sykkuno could see it. Whenever they stopped at a red light, Corpse's shoulders hunched slightly, defensively. He was a smooth and steady driver, but his fingers beat a wild rhythm on the wheel when they weren't moving. The only time he seemed to relax was when Sykkuno was talking. _Maybe it gives him something to focus on._

It wasn't a long drive. Eventually Sykkuno pointed out a turn before the GPS voice did, and said “The second house on the right, that's the one.”

“Whoa. This is a really nice house.”

Sykkuno shrugged and climbed out of the car. It looked the same as lots of other houses on the crescent. “I suppose. I like it. I've lived here for a long time.”

Corpse had stayed seated. “Uh, should I stay out here?”

“If you want to. I won't be long. I just want to change my clothes, and then I'll grab Bimbus.” Sykkuno hesitated. “I'd like it if you came in, though. We can grab a snack.”

“Are you sure it's okay?”

“Why wouldn't it be?”

Corpse shrugged and looked at himself. “I don't want to freak your family out.”

“I don't think anyone will be home. Besides my grandma, but she usually sits out on the back deck if it's nice out. She probably won't even see you.”

“And if she does, she's going to think I'm kidnapping her grandson. Or trying to rob the place.”

“What?” Sykkuno giggled. “She won't. She'll just be surprised that I made a friend.” Sykkuno paused. “Wow, that sounded bad, didn't it? I didn't mean that she thinks I'm not capable of making friends. She knows I stream and have friends online. I've just never had anyone over before.”

“Are you close with your grandmother?”

Sykkuno nodded as he fumbled out his door key. “I suppose you can say that. She's always been around ever since I was a kid. She'd come on all of our family trips. She used to talk to me a lot in Cantonese and make me...it sounds kind of weird, but it's called milk pudding? It's like a white custard, and you put ginger syrup on it.”

“It sounds good. Do you know how to make it?”

“Oh no, I can't cook. Well, I can boil noodles. The instant kind.”

Corpse laughed, quick and nervous. He looked like he felt even more out of place than he did at the party. He was looking around at all the pictures on the walls, the collages of family photos, the silly Honour Student magnet from high school that his mom insisted on keeping on the fridge, much to Sykkuno's embarrassment. 

“There's probably lots of stuff in the fridge to eat, if you're hungry,” Sykkuno said, opening it to look. “Those containers are leftovers from last night. Oh, and there's fruit...there's oatmeal bars...a bunch of stuff.”

“You don't have to ask? You won't get in trouble if we take something?”

“Trouble? Um, maybe if you set the kitchen on fire or something?” Sykkuno giggled.

Corpse didn't laugh. “My mom would kill me if I took shit without asking.”

The smile slid off Sykkuno's face. “Oh,” he said quietly, nervously. “That...my parents would never...it's just food?”

The tension thickened the air for a moment, but then the clouds blew over as quickly as they'd come.

“Right.” Corpse relaxed. He took an oatmeal bar hesitantly. “Thanks.”

“You can eat it in my room,” Sykkuno offered, and led Corpse upstairs. Once the door closed Corpse seemed much more comfortable. He sat on the edge of the bed, eyes obediently facing forward as Sykkuno hid behind the dresser and slipped into a clean outfit and new underwear.

“I wish I'd brought a change of clothes,” Corpse said as Sykkuno emerged in a different, comfier pair of pants and a white hoodie. “I didn't exactly think the party was going to be a sleepover, especially since I don't drink. I haven't slept anywhere besides my apartment in...uh, since I moved out.”

“I'd let you borrow something, but I don't think anything would fit.”

Corpse's eyes skimmed over his body in a way that made Sykkuno blush. “Yeah, I think so too. Everything would be too small.”

Sykkuno had been referred to as skinny or small all his life. It had never sounded like a compliment before. “Well, you definitely still look good in what you're wearing.”

“So do you,” Corpse said. “I like you in white.”

“Oh, um, it's just an old hoodie, but – thank you.” 

Corpse gave him one of his rare smiles that seemed to start from his eyes. “You're getting better.”

“At what?”

“Taking compliments.”

Sykkuno wasn't used to being praised so often, but he thought he could definitely get used to it. It didn't feel like Corpse was going out of his way to try and just say something nice out of obligation or politeness. And it wasn't _I like that hoodie_ but _I like you in it._ The distinction felt important. He'd never thought much about this hoodie in general, other than that it was comfy and cheap. But seeing Corpse look at him and hearing that simple compliment made him think for the first time that he liked the contrast of his hair against the white, and how it made his skin look more golden-tan. 

Maybe that's what Corpse saw. 

_He's in my room,_ Sykkuno suddenly thought. _He's on my bed._ He wondered what it would be like to sleep in his own bed with Corpse. It was smaller than the bed in the guest bedroom they'd stayed in, but that was okay. They could – what had Corpse called it? - spoon up next to each other just fine.

He sat carefully on the edge of the bed next to Corpse, his stomach fluttering with excitement at the racy thought. “Well, um. Looks like we're alone in here.”

Corpse looked especially roguish when he raised one eyebrow. “Looks like it.”

“Maybe we won't be alone again for a while if we're gonna take Bimbus to the park.”

“Sykkuno, are you trying to seduce me?”

Sykkuno pressed his hand to his mouth and laughed. He really liked Corpse's playful voice. “Well, if I was, I'd probably be really bad at it.”

“I don't know about that.”

“Do you want me to try?” Sykkuno managed to ask without stuttering or blushing. He was surprised at the effect it had on Corpse, who swallowed and closed his eyes. 

When he opened them again, he was staring at Sykkuno's mouth.

Sykkuno could take a hint. 

Corpse made a noise deep in his chest when Sykkuno kissed him. His eyelashes fluttered against Sykkuno's face and his hand came up to grip Sykkuno's shoulder like he was afraid he might fall off the bed. Slowly, as Sykkuno dared to coax Corpse's mouth open with his tongue, Corpse's tight grip softened and slid up to cup his face with infinite gentleness.

It turned out there really wasn't any right way to kiss after all, because it was good no matter what. The closeness of it, the way the rest of the world faded away, the feeling of being wanted and desired. And the knowledge that Corpse trusted him – that was the best part of all. 

By the time they broke apart, Corpse was flushed, his eyes glazed and his hair an artless mess. 

“I think I really like kissing,” Sykkuno blurted out, and laughed at himself.

“You were fuckin' _made_ to be kissed.” Corpse touched his lip with his thumb. “Is it strange if I tell you that you have a beautiful mouth?”

“Strange? Um, no. Why would it be strange?”

“It makes it sound like I'm thinking about something else.”

Sykkuno's brow creased. “Something besides kissing?”

Corpse laughed quietly, like he was nervous, and pressed his face into Sykkuno's neck. 

“Oh!” Sykkuno finally got it. “Oh, um, well that's...I...” His tongue felt clumsy in his mouth. The air was suddenly very, very warm.

“I wasn't thinking about that,” Corpse said, muffled. His breath tickled. Sykkuno caught a glimpse of the two of them in the mirror over his dresser – black against white, like a yin-yang. 

“Oh.” Sykkuno felt a weird little sinking sensation. Was he actually disappointed? “Have you, though?” 

“Have I what?”

“Thought about it.” Sykkuno ducked his head nervously. “About me doing...that.”

Corpse groaned. “You can't just ask me that, Sykkuno.”

“Why not?”

Corpse looked at him from under his curly fringe, his eyes deep and desperate. “I can't tell if you're being innocent or if you're being a tease.”

“A tease? Oh, I..I don't think so. Not on purpose? I just...I like the idea that you might think about me sometimes.” 

“I think about you a lot, Sykkuno.”

Sykkuno gasped as Corpse nuzzled into his neck and pressed a kiss there, just beneath his ear. Somehow it made Sykkuno's knees go weak. He'd never thought his neck was so sensitive. A noise came out of his mouth, unbidden, and he tipped his head back. 

Corpse inhaled sharply and kissed him again. “God, you smell so good.”

“C-Corpse...oh, p-please...” Sykkuno didn't even know what he was asking for. His thoughts felt like scrambled eggs.

“I...” Corpse sounded just as confused. “I want to...but we should probably slow down...”

That was disappointing, but Corpse had a point. It didn't seem right to go any further just yet. Not in the middle of the day, without any thought. _Rae said we should talk first,_ Sykkuno remembered. It seemed okay to kiss without talking too much about what it meant, but maybe this was too far.

“Yeah,” Sykkuno managed. “You're right. It's just that it's so hard to think right now.”

Corpse laughed and sat up. “You have that effect on me too, Sykkuno.”

He looked so rumpled and messy. Sykkuno wanted to know if kissing Corpse's neck would feel just as good as when he'd done it to Sykkuno. But on the heels of that thought came the realization that his pants were feeling a little tight.

Embarrassed, Sykkuno shook his head to clear it. He slipped off the bed and hoped Corpse didn't notice anything was amiss. “I'll go find Bimbus.”

Bimbus took one look at Corpse and started wagging his tail frantically. Corpse lit up as he dropped to his knees and reached out. Bimbus ran to him, his whole back end swaying from the force of his little tail going back and forth.

“Bimb, no jumpies,” Sykkuno said, but Bimbus happily ignored him and bounced up to lick Corpse's face. Corpse didn't seem to mind. He actually laughed.

“Yes jumpies,” Corpse said, grinning. 

“He's pretty well trained,” Sykkuno told him. “He's not normally so crazy like this. Usually he's a good dog. Maybe a walk will tire him out.”

All Bimbus heard was _good dog._ He looked at Sykkuno and thumped his tail happily.

“I like him a lot,” Corpse said, wincing as he rose from the floor. Bimbus bounced at his feet. “Are we walking to the park, or do we have to drive?”

“It's not far,” Sykkuno reassured him. “Maybe fifteen minutes? We can walk that. Unless you're feeling sore, or...”

Corpse shook his head. “I feel okay. Do I need to move my car?”

“Move it where?”

Corpse scratched his head. “It's okay that it's in the driveway?”

“If my parents come home, there's enough room.”

“But then they'll have to let me out.”

Sykkuno couldn't see why that was a problem. Maybe Corpse was just anxious about talking to Sykkuno's parents. Wasn't that supposed to be a big deal, meeting someone's parents? “I'll ask them for you.”

“You won't...get in trouble, right?”

“For what?”

“Never mind.” Corpse let out a breath. “I'll just...leave it there, then.” His eyes searched Sykkuno's. “Right?”

Sykkuno nodded. 

“Okay.” Corpse stuffed his hands in his pockets. He followed Sykkuno quietly down the stairs. 

Sykkuno found Bimb's leash and the doggie bags. On autopilot, he checked the coffee pot and looked at the time. “Let me just put on coffee for my grandma real quick, okay?”

“Oh. Oh, sure.” 

He was in the exact same position when Sykkuno came back. 

“Sorry,” Sykkuno said. “My family drinks a lot of coffee.”

“You make it for them?”

“Sometimes. I know my grandma always likes one around now. My parents make some in the morning, a huge pot, but it goes really fast.” He could already picture his grandma wandering in from the porch, her smile when she saw the fresh coffee all ready to go, and her favourite mug with the sugar cube on the counter waiting for her. 

“That's a nice thing to do.”

“It's the least I can do. I'm not so good around the house otherwise. I'll clean and do the dishes, take out the garbage, that sort of stuff. Sometimes my mom and dad cook dinner or bring me takeout if they grab it on the way home. And of course they let me live here, which is cool. They don't mind that I took over the thing out back for my streams.” He paused. “Are you ready to go?”

“What? Oh. Oh yeah, of course. Can I hold Bimbus's leash?”

“If you want.” Sykkuno handed it to him. 

Corpse wound it around his hand tightly like he'd just been given a treasure that might fly away if he let go. He looked like he was steeling himself up for what was coming next.

It was just a walk, but Sykkuno knew how much this meant for Corpse. Corpse said he was afraid of leaving the house, but he wanted to come on a walk with Sykkuno. Corpse said the city scared him too, but he still wanted to come. 

Sykkuno was proud of him. 

He didn't want to embarrass the man by telling him that, so instead he just said, “We can come back whenever we want, okay? Bimb gets a lot of exercise, so don't feel bad if you change your mind.”

“It's okay. I'm okay.” Corpse took a deep breath. “Let's go.”

**

The path that led to the park was just three blocks down from the quiet suburban crescent. It wasn't much of a path – it was just a gap between the main road and the larger, fancier lots of a winding side street, the grass worn in the center from years of cyclists and joggers. But Sykkuno had always liked it, preferring the quiet and the way the bushes hemmed in on either side, making him feel like he wasn't in the city at all.

The only sounds he could hear were the jingling of Bimbus's collar and Corpse's footsteps beside him. Somehow, they were lighter than Sykkuno's, despite his size and the hard-looking boots he wore. It was amazing that such a striking-looking person could have such a quiet and unobtrusive presence. Not that Sykkuno minded at all. He liked the quiet. And Corpse seemed to like being the one to walk Bimbus. 

“Hey,” Corpse eventually said after twenty minutes of companionable silence. “I'm sorry for getting weird.”

“Oh, it's okay if you don't want to talk, Corpse. You don't have to.”

“I meant earlier. At your house.”

“Were you weird? I didn't notice.” Sykkuno had to walk quickly to keep up with Corpse's pace, although he still suspected Corpse was trying his best to slow himself down. Bimbus didn't mind the speed. “I don't think you need to apologize anyway. I'm pretty weird sometimes too, I guess.”

“I meant...the food, and the car thing.” Corpse hesitated. “I'm not used to being around a functional family like this. It's...odd. Like something out of a movie.” 

“Oh, we're a pretty normal family, really,” Sykkuno said without thinking, but then he realized the implications of what Corpse had said. He bit his lip. “Your family...are they...”

“I don't talk to them. They don't talk to me.”

“That must be hard,” Sykkuno said softly. “I'm sorry.”

“No, it's much better this way. Trust me.”

“Do they live far away?”

“I don't even know. My mom might have come back. Or maybe she didn't.” Corpse's voice was flat. “It doesn't make a difference.”

Sykkuno didn't know what to say. He knew Corpse wouldn't appreciate pity, but it was hard not to feel sorry for him. “Well,” he tried, “maybe some day it'll get better.”

“Yeah,” Corpse said, “maybe.”

Sykkuno tried not to think about what would make someone like Corpse's mom care so little about someone that should be important to her. Even though he would never ask such an intrusive question, it felt wrong to even speculate on it without Corpse's permission. 

There was plenty around them to distract him from that line of thought. The sky was clear and blue, and the light filtering through the canopy of trees dappled the ground with sunlight. Sykkuno didn't go outside often, but he had to admit that the fresh air felt good. It was also nice to have someone beside him. It was like showing Corpse a little glimpse into a life that his other friends never saw. And even though Corpse obviously liked to walk fast, he stopped to let Bimbus sniff every tree they passed.

“This is about as far as we usually go,” Sykkuno said when they reached the far side of the big park. “Sometimes I go down that street there. If we want to get bubble tea, we have to go that way. It loops back around to my house, but it's kind of noisy beside the road. We can go back the way we came instead so it's nice and quiet if you want to maybe take a break from being in public.”

“Thank you,” Corpse said quietly. It was the first time he'd spoken in a long while. “I'm sorry, I...I'm being rude.”

“Oh, it's okay. Like I said, you don't have to talk. I'm just not talking because I don't know if it's annoying for you.”

“You're never annoying.” Corpse moved closer, close enough that their arms brushed against each other. “I like hearing your voice.”

“I like hearing your voice too, Corpse.” Sykkuno smiled shyly. “I guess everyone does. Um, well, just so you know, I'm sorry too. I think I made things awkward.”

“It's not your fault. When I think about my...sometimes when I think about stuff I just get in a mood.”

“I shouldn't have asked a personal question.”

“You asked a normal question. Something anyone would ask. I'm the one who brought it up in the first place.” Corpse shoved his hands into his pockets. “I'm just not very normal myself.”

“Well, I think you're pretty normal,” Sykkuno offered. “Maybe a little different, but that can be a good thing, I think.”

“There's a lot you don't know about me, Sykkuno.”

“Well, um, I'd hope so? We just met, really. There's a lot about me that I haven't really told anybody, either. I always kind of thought...well, hoped...that I'd be able to tell somebody, someday. I'd like to know more about you.”

“Would you?” Corpse's voice was suddenly strained.

“Well, everything you want to tell me, anyway. I know you're really private and that's okay.”

“I like talking to you.” Corpse leaned against a tree. “I'm just scared that I'll say something wrong.”

“Oh, I know what you mean. I feel that way all the time.”

“I mean there's a lot that might chase you away if you knew.”

“Chase me away?” Sykkuno repeated, bewildered. “How would you do that?”

“You'd be surprised.”

“Oh.” Sykkuno thought about it. “Well, unless you're a murderer...or on the run from the Mafia...or _in_ the Mafia...”

That at least made Corpse laugh. “Definitely not anything that exciting.”

They walked around the perimeter of the park, stopping to let Bimbus sniff every tree all over again. Sykkuno couldn't help but wonder what Corpse had meant by chasing him away. Didn't he know how much Sykkuno liked him? He'd thought he'd made it pretty obvious. But then again, maybe he needed to be more honest. Rae had told him that, too. Maybe he needed to make sure Corpse knew that it would be really hard to chase him away. 

“I can't think of much that would make me suddenly stop liking you,” Sykkuno said. “You know, Corpse, I never...oh, god, I don't want to make this sound weird, but I've never really had feelings for anyone before. I didn't know anyone would ever like me. And I didn't ever think that I would...you know...with a guy.”

Corpse jerked his head up. “You didn't know...”

Sykkuno shook his head. “I didn't think about it. Maybe I knew? I wasn't very surprised when you kissed me and I liked it.”

“What would your family think?”

Sykkuno had never talked to his parents about what kind of person he liked. “I'm pretty sure they don't care.”

“Your grandma...”

“She might not...understand? She's kind of traditional.” Sykkuno thought about it. “But she just wants me to be happy, so...”

“She wouldn't be mad?”

“Oh, definitely not.” Sykkuno laughed at the idea. “I mean, she loves me. How could anyone be mad at someone they love for that?”

Corpse looked at the ground, his hair falling into his face. Sykkuno couldn't see his expression.

“Corpse?”

Corpse flinched when Sykkuno reached for his hand. Sykkuno hastily pulled it away. “Sorry,” he said, abashed. His stomach was sinking. “Oh no, Corpse, I didn't mean...are you okay?” 

Corpse looked like he didn't feel very well. His hands were shaking. The hand that held the leash was covered in angry red stripes from where he'd wrapped Bimb's leash around too tightly. 

_What did I say?_ Sykkuno was slow to realize. When he did, his stomach rolled with nausea. “I'm really sorry,” he said again, stupidly. 

“It's not just – it's a bunch of shit at once.” Corpse was wincing, Sykkuno noticed, sort of like someone trying to walk with a muscle cramp.

“Oh, you mean, your health stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Usually.”

Bimbus's tail had stopped wagging. He looked at Corpse and whined.

“Do you want to go back to my house? Or your car? Maybe the bubble tea can wait,” Sykkuno said, desperately trying to fix the damage he'd caused. “Can I...can I do anything to make you feel better?”

“I think I just want to go back.” Corpse's voice sounded like rocks grinding together. 

“Okay. We're almost there, Corpse. I can hold Bimbus. When we get home I'll let him inside and then...” He hesitated. “Do you want to be alone?”

He didn't expect an answer right away, but Corpse blurted “No.”

“Okay. I'll come sit with you.”

“Can we go somewhere?”

“Wherever you like, Corpse.” Sykkuno hesitated again. He wanted so badly to give Corpse a hug, but it seemed like a bad idea. Instead he just focused on trying to walk faster. He knew what it was like to want to be somewhere that felt safe.

Once Bimbus was safely inside and Sykkuno had checked on his grandmother, he came back to check on Corpse. He looked a little better, but his body language was closed and anxious. It was radiating off of him like heat.

“Can I come in?” Sykkuno asked, just to be sure. Corpse nodded, so he climbed into the passenger seat. 

Corpse said, “I'm sorry I ruined everything.”

“Oh no, you didn't,” Sykkuno reassured him. “It was a nice walk. I got some fresh air. Bimbus got some exercise.”

“You wanted a...a milk tea.”

“I can get one whenever I want. Really, Corpse, everything is fine. I'm sorry for making you upset.”

Corpse looked up. “You didn't do anything. The walk, it was great. I think...being away from home for so long, it's getting...maybe I hit my limit.”

“You need to go home?” Sykkuno felt sad, but if that was what was best for Corpse, it had to happen. “Oh, well...do you want me to leave, then?”

His question hung in the air. As much as Sykkuno wanted what was best for Corpse, it was also kind of sad that they had to end on a bad note. 

“You could come to my apartment,” Corpse said softly, like he didn't expect Sykkuno to be very excited about the idea. 

Sykkuno's heart leapt. “You mean...today? Tonight?”

“Yeah.” Corpse's face looked odd, like he was frightened. “My place, it isn't nice like your family's house...or like the Offline TV house...”

“Oh, I don't mind. I'm really not so picky.”

“It might not be very fun for you.”

“Well...but you'll be there, so it's impossible for me to have a bad time.”

Corpse looked at him and reached for his hand. Sykkuno took it gently, but Corpse grabbed on tight.

“You're not doing this just because you feel sorry for me, right?”

“No,” Sykkuno said immediately, eyes widening. “I want you to be somewhere that makes you feel safe, and I also...I'm not ready for this to be over yet. I really like spending time with you.”

“Okay,” Corpse said like he was still unsure. “And...just to be clear, I'm not just trying to, uh, get you alone again.”

Sykkuno ran a hand over his hair and smiled. “You say that like you'd have to try and trick me to want to do that.”

“I just wanted you to know. I don't want to be a creep.”

“You're definitely not a creep, Corpse. You've already been to my house now, so it's just the same thing, right?” Except it wasn't, not really. If the idea of meeting Corpse in person had seemed like a long shot, the idea that he would one day invite Sykkuno back to his home with him would have made Sykkuno laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it. “You know, I wanted to come, but I would have been too nervous to ask. So I'm glad you offered.”

Corpse sat up a little taller in his seat. “Are you ready to go, then...? Should we...”

“I should pack some stuff and tell my family,” Sykkuno said. “Just to let them know where I am.”

“Oh, right. Okay.”

“I'll be really fast,” Sykkuno promised. “I just need clothes, I guess.” Sykkuno was too nervous to ask if Corpse only wanted him to stay over for one night, so he resolved to pack more than one outfit, just in case. “Maybe some stuff from the bathroom. Um, weird question, can I shower there? I usually shower in the mornings and I feel like I need one.”

Corpse's face went red. “Yeah, of course you can.” He cleared his throat. “Say goodbye to Bimb for me?”

“I'll do that too.”

“Good.” 

Sykkuno wriggled out of the car, his heart beating in his throat.

So maybe it wasn't the date that he'd imagined, but it didn't seem to matter. The more he talked to Corpse, the more he wanted to hear. And to help, if he could. Even though Corpse had claimed that Sykkuno hadn't done anything wrong, he still felt guilty. _I have to stop putting my foot in my mouth._ He'd been trying so hard to practice his social skills, and he thought he'd definitely improved, but apparently he still wasn't very good. The problem was that he was bad at recognizing when he'd said something wrong until it was too late.

_I didn't mean to, though. Corpse knows that._ Sykkuno didn't even want to think about what memories he'd stirred up for Corpse. It made him sick to think that people had hurt him in the past. People that were supposed to care about him. Corpse had to deal with all of that and his health stuff too, and somehow he was still a really nice and caring guy. 

That was something special. But Corpse didn't seem to realize it at all.

_Then I'll try to show him myself,_ Sykkuno thought with determination, and he zipped up his old college backpack and hurried back out to join him.


	6. vi.

The sunset was at their backs as they drove. The cityscape was giving way to rolling hills that rose up on either side, and the palm trees cast long spiky shadows over the barren earth.

Corpse was good at driving on the freeway, Sykkuno noticed. Sykkuno had never liked it much himself. He didn't like the way trucks would press in on either side, so massive that it felt like they might just swerve and crush him without seeing his car at all. But being a passenger, he was okay. He trusted Corpse, whose hands were steady on the wheel, his posture relaxed and focused. And he could look at Corpse if anything made him anxious, and that made all the difference, too.

The drive so far had been quiet. Comfortably quiet. Sykkuno liked that Corpse wasn't the kind of person that took silence as awkwardness. He'd told Sykkuno that he was just happy to have company on the drive home. 

“So where do you live, anyway?” Sykkuno asked, rousing himself. “I didn't even ask.”

“Close to San Diego.”

“Oh, right, I think you mentioned that before. So it's about...an hour longer, right?”

“Yeah, about that.” Corpse glanced in his mirror and smoothly switched lanes. “If you need to stop for anything, just let me know.”

“Oh no, I'm good,” Sykkuno reassured him. “I used the bathroom before we left. And I brought snacks.”

“Snacks?”

Sykkuno rummaged in the bag at his feet and brought out the box of oatmeal bars. “You seemed to like that oatmeal bar you had, so I brought some more.”

“You didn't have to.”

“Oh, it's okay. I like them too, so it was really for both of us. I didn't want you to get hungry. We haven't eaten much today.”

“I can make us something when we get to my place.”

“Oh, you can cook? Really?” Sykkuno hoped he didn't sound too surprised. “I don't mean that I thought you couldn't, but, um...”

“Some stuff.” Corpse laughed. “If you don't trust my cooking, we can order something. You like sushi?”

Sykkuno nodded. “Well, I would definitely trust your cooking, but I do like sushi a lot.”

“Good. I'll order us some. On me.”

“We can go splits. I, um, I paid that water bill, so...”

Corpse didn't laugh at the joke. “Let me take care of it. It's the least I can do after completely fucking ruining our day.”

“What? The day's not ruined at all, Corpse. This is fun.”

Corpse seemed bemused. “Sitting in a car with me is fun? I feel like I promised to hang out with you and Bimbus, and instead I just kidnapped you.”

“Kidnapped me?” Sykkuno giggled behind his hand. “I don't mind long car rides. Do you like them?” 

“Not as a passenger. I like driving, though.” Corpse said, somewhat absently. “I've always liked it. I had a car for a while when I still lived with my mom. When things got bad I could just get in and _go._ Nobody could bother me, nobody could see me. I felt like I was in control. Sometimes I would pretend that I would just keep driving one day and never stop. End up on the East Coast or something, or maybe just the middle of nowhere.”

“What stopped you?”

Corpse laughed. “I was like, fucking seventeen. Getting a normal job scared the shit out of me. Having to stay in a hostel or some crappy hotel scared me. _Everything_ scared me.”

Sykkuno didn't want to say it, but – “It sounds like staying at home was scary, too.”

“You know that saying. The devil you know, I guess.”

Sykkuno thought fleetingly about Corpse nestled safely in his arms. “Well, it's a good thing you didn't move far away, because then you wouldn't have been able to come to the party.”

“Yeah. I guess it's not so bad after all.” Corpse smiled. 

Sykkuno liked that smile more than he could express in words. “So, um, do you like San Diego?”

“It's fine, I guess. I don't know anything else. I've never really traveled anywhere, so...”

“The devil you know,” Sykkuno repeated, softly.

Corpse smiled again, with a flash of teeth. “Yeah, you get it.”

Sykkuno played with the strings on his hoodie, watching the scrubland pass by outside with the mountains in the distance. Pity was stirring in his heart again. Hearing the way Corpse talked about his past made Sykkuno feel like he'd taken his own family for granted. They had their problems just like any family, but Sykkuno couldn't ever imagine wanting to run away. 

A thought struck him like a little chip of ice in his heart. “Do you think you'll want to leave California one day?” Sykkuno asked, hoping for the answer he wanted. “Now that you have the means to travel and stuff...you could work from home anywhere, really.”

“I literally have no idea. The future...I never made plans.” Corpse frowned slightly. “I'm sort of stuck somewhere with easy access to doctors. I guess if that wasn't a factor I'd want a little log cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere. Just a little cabin, with a wood fireplace.”

“A log cabin? All by yourself?”

“That's the way I always imagined it,” Corpse said. “Somewhere where nobody could ever find me. Off grid, totally secret, where nobody could ever bother me again.”

“When I was a little kid, I once pretended that this shed in my parents' friends' backyard was my secret cabin,” Sykkuno said, suddenly remembering. “It was like a tool shed, you know, for their lawnmower and stuff. But I would pretend I was out in a forest somewhere, and...” He covered his mouth, laughing. “Why am I saying this? I've never...oh, just ignore me.”

“No, don't stop. That's cute as fuck.”

Sykkuno laughed again. “Wait, what?”

“You don't have to stop telling the story. I like it.”

“You like it? Oh, well, uh...there's just not much to tell, I guess. I liked being alone as a kid sometimes. I never really had friends to play with and I didn't always want to play with my sisters. One time I fell asleep out there. My parents almost called the cops because they couldn't find me. I felt really bad for making them worry.”

“It sounds like an accident.”

Sykkuno blushed. “It wasn't, though. I guess somehow I thought they knew where I was. You know, when you're a kid, you just think your parents know everything. It just seemed like fun. I always asked to be allowed to sleep outside on the deck, like camping.” He unwrapped one of the oatmeal bars. “Have you ever been camping, Corpse?”

“I think when I was really little, like too young to remember.”

“I haven't been since I was really young, too. I'm not too sure I'd like it now.”

“Me neither. I've had enough of sleeping outside.”

“Outside where?”

“Mostly in parks,” Corpse shrugged a shoulder. “It never gets too cold here and it barely ever rains, so it's not like I had to crawl under a bridge. Parks have benches. Sometimes they even have public bathrooms nearby.”

“You slept on a bench in a park?”

“Yeah. It was the best place to go, before I had the car. Most people don't bother you if you stay quiet and its safer than hanging around in a shop doorway.”

“Safer how?” Sykkuno felt lost. How was Corpse so calm about this? 

“Less chance of being beat up, or killed, or worse,” Corpse said bluntly. 

Sykkuno shifted nervously. “Worse than being killed?”

“Yeah.” Corpse didn't elaborate.

Sykkuno went quiet for a while, eating his oatmeal bar. He didn't really taste it. His brain was full of questions, and he had to struggle not to blurt out something stupid. Corpse seemed okay with answering questions, but it would be so easy to put his foot in his mouth again.

“So why were you sleeping out in parks and stuff?” he finally asked tentatively.

“Got kicked out. Wasn't the first time. Wasn't the last.”

“But _why?_ ” Sykkuno instantly covered his mouth. “I mean...oh, I don't want to be rude...it's just that...I don't understand. Does it have anything to do with...oh no, nevermind.”

“Sykkuno, you're allowed to ask me questions, alright? If I don't want to answer, I can just say so.”

“I just don't want to make you think about stuff that makes you sad.”

Corpse brushed that off. “I'm okay. I know I got fucked up earlier, but. I can talk about it. What were you going to ask?”

Sykkuno took a breath. “Earlier...when we were out on the walk, you said something about....or I said something about...how my family wouldn't mind if I was, um...” He didn't know the word to use. “If I kissed somebody that wasn't a girl,” he finished. “I said it in a stupid way, though, a-and you seemed...upset.”

“I wasn't upset at you,” Corpse said, softly. “I agreed with you.”

“Agreed with me?”

“You said you couldn't imagine how anyone would be mad at someone they loved for that. I agree. I still don't understand it either.”

Sykkuno's chest hurt with sympathy. “I'm sorry,” Sykkuno whispered.

“No. I...I'm glad there are people that think like you. I'm glad your family does too.”

“Your mom...”

Corpse didn't speak for about a minute.

“There was a guy,” Corpse finally said, haltingly, like he had to force each word out of his mouth. “When I was fifteen. I had dropped out of school. I didn't have anything to do all day. He lived two houses down, and I saw him getting his mail and stuff. Eventually we met and started talking once in a while. I didn't know why, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. I'd watch out my window and wait to see if he came outside so I could 'accidentally' go bump into him. After about a month, I...I never had a friend over before, but I invited him in when my mom was gone.”

Sykkuno nodded. “You had a crush on him.”

“I was confused as fuck. I was fifteen, you know? I had no fucking clue who I was. We...we went to my room, and I put on music, and we sat on my bed. I don't remember what we talked about, but we kept getting closer, and then... we kissed. ”

“How old was he?”

“Seventeen, or something. He was in high school.”

“What did he look like?”

“Cute,” Corpse said. “That's all I really remember. Green eyes, I remember those.”

“What happened?” Sykkuno dared to ask. “Did you date?”

“No. We never talked about what we were doing. I don't think we wanted to. He just came over again. And again. And then one day my mom came home early and found us.”

Sykkuno sucked in a breath. “Oh.”

“We were on my bed. I didn't hear my mom come in. I had music playing. We were...not completely undressed, but it was obvious what we were doing. And it wasn't just kissing.”

“And she got mad?”

“She lost her mind,” Corpse said tonelessly. “I was terrified. I felt like I was frozen in place. He was terrified too, because his dad was some fucking crazy military type. And my mom knew who he was, she knew where he lived. After she got done screaming at me, she called his house. He ran home, stole his dad's car, and took off. Without me. I...I ran after him and begged him to take him with me.”

“He said no?” Sykkuno was sad. _I would have tried to protect him._

“It hurt at the time. But then his dad called the police because of the stolen car, so...I'm glad I wasn't around when that went down.”

“Where did you go?”

“I walked. I kept walking. And then I tried to sleep in a parking garage, but I was kicked out. I tried sleeping in a diner too, and it happened again. So I went to the park.”

“Oh,” Sykkuno whispered. “That's...I'm sorry, Corpse. Are you still friends with him?”

“No,” Corpse said. “He never talked to me again. They moved to Texas. I never did find out what his dad did to him.”

“Maybe they forgave him,” Sykkuno offered lamely.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Sykkuno thought for a moment. “You went back home eventually, right?”

“I did. I was...I was scared. I was a fucking kid. Maybe my home wasn't always great, but at least nobody was going to slit my throat and rob me, or...”

Sykkuno waited for him to finish the sentence, but he didn't. “Your mom let you? And you weren't...scared?”

“It was complicated. It still is. My mom...she wasn't a total demon or anything, Sykkuno. I don't talk to her now, and I don't like her, but...I don't hate her, either. I can't hate her. She's my mom.” His voice cracked. “Despite everything, she's my mom. She has problems, too. Like, mentally.”

Sykkuno wanted to hug him. “I wish...I wish you didn't have such a hard time growing up.” It was the only thing he could think to say. He felt so guilty for his own childhood. Why couldn't Corpse have what he did? It wasn't fair.

“Life isn't fair,” Corpse murmured, as if he'd read Sykkuno's thoughts. When traffic slowed to a halt to skirt around some construction, he turned his deep amber eyes on Sykkuno. “I haven't told anybody that story before. About that guy.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Sykkuno assured him.

“No, no, I knew that. I just...it's so easy to tell you stuff. I pay money to someone who's supposed to be a professional at listening to my problems, and she's not as good at it as you are.”

Flustered, Sykkuno tugged on his hoodie strings. “Really? Wow, I...wow, thank you. I didn't really do anything, though.”

“Yeah, I disagree.” Corpse peered out at the line up of traffic ahead. “We might be a while longer than I thought.”

“That's okay.” Sykkuno gestured to the mountains. “At least there's a lot of nice things to look at.”

“Yeah,” Corpse said softly, but when Sykkuno turned back, Corpse wasn't looking at the mountains at all.

**

Sykkuno's legs were a little stiff from the drive, but he hardly felt it over his excitement at finally getting to their destination. Corpse's apartment building was large and very nice, a clean and new-looking cream stucco structure with underground parking and a pool, but it was kind of bare inside. It was also very clean, and free of clutter to the point of being stark – a sharp contrast to the OTV house, which was always covered with the detritus of people's lives.

Sykkuno put his backpack down in the living room, looking around. It felt surreal to be here, knowing how private Corpse was about his life. 

“I haven't really had time to do anything to the place,” Corpse admitted, twisting his rings around his fingers. He seemed less confident than he had been in the car. “I really need to get some nice furniture or something, but it's hard when I can't move or lift stuff.” 

Sykkuno glanced at Corpse's toned, well-muscled arms. “Oh,” he said, remembering. “You mean, because of your health stuff.”

“Yeah. I get a lot of pain if I strain myself, and my arms just don't fuckin' work right anymore. About two years ago my arms just completely stopped working, and I'm terrified of it happening again. Like...I can't be living by myself and not be able to use my arms.”

Sykkuno nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, that would definitely be scary. It would be nice if you had someone that could help you.”

“Do you want anything? Water? Uh, I have some coffee that I'm not supposed to drink anymore. I could make you some. I still have the machine.” Corpse looked at it wistfully. “I miss coffee.”

Sykkuno thought that the machine looked suspiciously well-used, considering Corpse wasn't supposed to be drinking coffee. “I'm okay without it. I don't want to drink it right in front of you.” 

Corpse got them both cups of water instead.

Sykkuno looked down the hallway, at the two open doors that led to the rooms he hadn't seen. In one he could see the back of a gaming chair and a glimpse of equipment that he knew very well. The walls were covered with black soundproofing foam. _His streaming room._ The other was too far away, but it had to be Corpse's bedroom, and thinking about that made him feel like his spine was prickling with heat.

“It's not much,” Corpse said worriedly, watching Sykkuno look around.

“No, no, I like it a lot.” And he did. Maybe it was bare, but this was where Corpse lived. The clean warm scent of him was everywhere. He had hoodies and jackets hanging on hooks by the door, a motley assortment of black textures. One of the pillows on the couch was all crushed, like maybe Corpse liked to nap there. 

The thought of Corpse curled up and asleep made him smile. “Your couch looks comfortable.”

“Yeah. Um. Yeah, it really is. You don't have to – I can – I can sleep there tonight, if you want. You can have my bed.” 

“You want to sleep on the couch?”

Corpse looked tense, wary, like a dog that had been kicked. “I thought...you might want to, when you said...”

“I just thought the couch looked nice.” Sykkuno frowned, confused. “I assumed...maybe I shouldn't have assumed? But I assumed you'd want us both to sleep in your bed. Like we did at the OTV house.”

Corpse let out a breath. “I didn't want to assume. I didn't want you to think that I brought you here just so that I could, uh. You know.”

Sykkuno blushed. “Why would I think that?”

“I don't know. I'm nervous as fuck. I feel like I'm gonna puke.”

He did look a little green, Sykkuno thought, watching Corpse drink the rest of his water. It looked like he was trying not to hunch his shoulders, but couldn't help it. “Can I do anything to help?”

Corpse shook his head. “I don't think so. Just give me a minute.”

Sykkuno shifted his feet anxiously. “Okay,” he said, and watched Corpse splash his face with cold water from the faucet. Eventually, the greenness seemed to pass, and Corpse roused himself.

“You don't have to be nervous, you know,” Sykkuno said, wanting to comfort. “It's okay if you are. You don't even have to talk or anything if you don't want to.”

“Thanks, Sy. Don't mind me, I just...this is really new to me. I still just can't believe you're here.”

“Neither can I,” Sykkuno admitted. “You know, when Rae told me that you were coming to the party, I almost thought she was joking. And then I thought...oh, um, nevermind.”

“What did you think?”

“I, um.” Sykkuno scratched his head. “Some of the people we stream with, the girls, they're really pretty. A-and I thought maybe...you know, at parties, sometimes people hook up, I think...”

“You _think_?” Corpse raised an eyebrow.

Sykkuno giggled. “Um, I guess – well – we didn't – did we?”

“You're too fucking cute to be real.” Corpse finally smiled again, Sykkuno was glad to see. “So you thought I showed up for someone else?”

“Well, maybe,” Sykkuno admitted. “I didn't _want_ to think that, but I – um – well, of course I thought that you could do whatever you wanted, and – and if it made you happy, then of course it wouldn't be a bad th-thing, but...”

Corpse kissed him, cutting off the rest of his sentence. 

“Oh,” Sykkuno said when they parted. “I...oh wow, I missed doing that.”

“So did I.” Corpse chuckled. 

“I'm glad you're smiling again.” Sykkuno dared to cup Corpse's face in his hand. He could feel stubble on his sharp jaw, prickly on his palm. “I really like your smile.”

“You do?”

Sykkuno nodded. “It makes your whole face light up, and...and I just really like seeing you happy.” To punctuate his words he kissed Corpse of his own accord. 

Corpse surged against him, pressing Sykkuno against the counter. He smelled so good, so - so _familiar_ , even though they'd only just met. He smelled like crisp air and salt, rugged, like the wind off the ocean. 

Sykkuno found his hands pressing against Corpse's chest, feeling the curves and lines of his muscles. A little spark flickered as his fingers brushed over a nipple. Even through the shirt, Sykkuno felt it stiffen.

Corpse gasped into his mouth as Sykkuno touched it again more deliberately, and his hands wrapped around Sykkuno's waist. The hoodie that Sykkuno was wearing was thick enough to dull the touch, which was disappointing – but then, as if Corpse had read his mind, his hands slipped beneath them hem to touch Sykkuno's bare back.

It was good – too good – Corpse's hands were hot on his skin, and so gentle, and Sykkuno's brain was stuffed with cotton. He wasn't sure when his own hands had gotten under Corpse's shirt, but somehow they knew where they were going, and the noise Corpse made when Sykkuno found his nipple again made him break a sweat. Thoughts and ideas that had never crossed his mind before were swimming somewhere in his head, searing little images of pushing Corpse down on the couch, pulling more of those noises from him.

Sykkuno remembered the way it had felt when Corpse kissed his neck. Clumsy, unsure, he broke away from Corpse's mouth and pressed his lips to his neck instead, wanting Corpse to feel just as good as he did. He felt the vibration of Corpse's groan and suddenly Corpse's hands were slipping lower, to his hips, over the curve of his ass. 

Sykkuno made an embarrassing noise, and then Corpse _squeezed_. The air rushed from Sykkuno's lungs.

“Oh,” Sykkuno gasped against Corpse's pale throat. “Corpse...”

“Sorry,” Corpse said hastily, snatching his hands away.

“No, no, I – you don't have to stop.” Sykkuno's face was burning. “Not if you don't want to. I...I like it.”

Corpse sucked in a breath. “Sykkuno...”

“Hm?”

“You can't just say things like that.”

“Oh.” Sykkuno felt embarrassed. The fire faded and suddenly he felt grounded again. Maybe he'd gone too far. “Um, not gonna lie, I just don't really know what I'm doing.”

“I know,” Corpse said softly. “Fuck. That's why I'm so scared. I need to be careful with you. You just got here. I literally just said that I didn't bring you here just to do this.”

“That's true.” Sykkuno felt lucky that Corpse was more experienced than him. He never would have believed it could be so hard to stop doing something before. “We have lots of time, right?”

Corpse took a step back and tugged his shirt back into place. “Should I...uh...should I order food, or something? Should I let you rest? Give you space? I – I'm bad at this.” 

If Corpse was bad at entertaining guests, Sykkuno was worse. He laughed. “I don't really know what to do either,” he admitted. “I just want to hang out with you. Maybe we can figure out what we want to eat?”

“Okay.” Corpse hesitated, then said, “Come sit with me?”

The couch was big and squishy. Corpse's weight tipped Sykkuno to the side, pressing their shoulders together. 

“I like this place. They have customizable sushi boats.” Corpse tilted his phone to show him. “They have milk tea too.”

The screen was hard to see with the light reflecting off the smears of fingerprints. Sykkuno reached out and put his hand on Corpse's to gently move the phone to an angle where he could see. “Oh wow, that's a big sushi boat.”

“I can finish what you don't eat, trust me.”

Sykkuno giggled. “Oh, okay. Maybe just get your usual order, then?”

“No, we should go splits. I'll pick out what I want for my half and you can pick out yours.”

His hair was tickling Sykkuno's ear. “Sounds good.”

It was awkward, holding the phone out between them. Sykkuno wriggled closer to Corpse to rest his forearm against Corpse's thigh. He felt Corpse draw in a sharp breath, and then his arm worked its way around Sykkuno's back, holding him closer. 

It was comfortable. Casual. Sykkuno had never felt more at home at someone's house besides his own. He helped pick out the food he wanted, but his eyes were more focused on Corpse's hand than the menu on the screen. He was still staring long after everything had been ordered. All the rings were gone except one, a chunky silver spiral. It took him a moment to realize that it was a snake biting its own tail. Its eyes were chips of sparkling green. Sykkuno traced his finger over it. He loved looking at Corpse's hands. They looked so powerful, but all Sykkuno could think about was how gentle they were. His knuckles were rough and dry, but his palms were soft. 

“You're shaking,” Sykkuno said, noticing the barely perceptible tremble, like electricity buzzing beneath Corpse's skin.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Thinking too hard.” 

“Thinking about what?”

Corpse's arm tightened around him. “You.”

“Am I still making you nervous?” Sykkuno asked worriedly. 

“Yes.”

Sykkuno was crestfallen. Maybe Corpse was freaked out at what had just happened. “Oh, I didn't mean...am I doing something wrong? What should I do? I'm sorry.”

“I don't think you're capable of doing anything wrong.” Corpse's leg had started to bounce up and down. “You being here, it's...it feels...almost too perfect.”

“Isn't that a good thing?”

“Yes. No. I don't know.” Corpse's mouth twisted. “Nothing is ever perfect. If it is, it doesn't last.”

“I mean, it's probably really _rare_ ,” Sykkuno offered, feeling clueless. “But sometimes people get lucky, don't they?”

“I'm worried that I'm going to say or do something that'll make you never want to come back. I'm worried about what will happen if you _do_ want to come back.” Corpse grabbed his leg in an attempt to stop it from bouncing. “I'm worried that you're going to find out that I'm not what I'm hyped up to be.”

“What are you hyped up to be?” But even as he asked the question, Sykkuno thought he understood. “You mean...like how everybody on the Internet goes crazy for you. You think you don't deserve it, or something? Because you definitely do.”

“They only see me on good days. They only see what I want them to see. I wanted to be private...but it's just gotten out of control. Now I can never live up to what people seem to think of me.”

“Well, everyone has a sort of...public image, right? I mean, especially streamers and youtubers. We all talk differently when we're streaming than we do to each other. I don't think any of us always live up to the hype, really. But it doesn't matter because we know each other.”

“Except for you.” Corpse pressed his face into Sykkuno's hair. “You're just as sweet in person as I thought you'd be. And even cuter than you look on camera.”

“Oh, well, um – ” He felt himself blushing again. “I don't know if I'm really that special or anything, but – thanks, Corpse.”

“You don't believe me, do you?”

“Well – it kinda sounds like you don't believe that you're special, too.”

Corpse huffed softly, a sound that could be a laugh. “Maybe I would if I didn't feel so embarrassed about today.”

“Embarrassed? Why?”

“I told you I'd come for a walk with you. I told you I'd come get bubble tea with you.”

“Oh, but I already told you, it's no big deal.”

“But I _wanted_ to. After the party...after I kissed you without asking...I wanted to be a normal fucking person for you. It's the least I could do.”

“Wait, what do you mean without asking? I kissed you back,” Sykkuno pointed out, frowning a bit. “And I think you're normal.”

“I've been trying really hard. For – for you, I tried.”

“I know you did. You came all the way to our party. That was really brave of you.”

Corpse pulled back far enough to look at Sykkuno's face. There was something desperate in his dark eyes, like he wanted the praise but was afraid it was all a joke. “Brave?”

“Well yeah. I could tell you were nervous. And you've said before that it's scary for you to go outside at all. So it's really cool that you, you know, stepped outside your comfort zone in such a big way. Showing your face to everyone for the first time, that must have felt crazy.” Sykkuno bit his lip. “I felt the same way when I first started using a webcam on stream. I know its not the same because I'm not super famous like you, but...I think I can kind of understand.”

“You seem to understand everything,” Corpse breathed.

“Well of course I don't understand _everything_.” Sykkuno smiled at the thought. “But I think I kinda know how much courage it took you to come.”

“I guess so,” Corpse said slowly. “But it still feels like I ran away. Like I always do.”

“You didn't run away,” Sykkuno said, squeezing Corpse's hand. “You just wanted to come home, that's all.”

“Yeah.” Corpse stared at their interlocked hands. “And I guess I dragged you with me.” 

“What? You didn't drag me anywhere. I wanted to come.”

Corpse's leg bounced harder. “Did you? Or did you just feel sorry for me?”

Sykkuno felt hurt, but he tried not to let it show. “I don't feel sorry for you. Well – I mean, I do, but only because I'm sad that you were dealing with anxiety and stuff. Not because I think you can't handle yourself or anything, or that you need pity, or...am I making this worse? I feel like I'm making it worse.”

Corpse shook his head. “No.” His voice was like gravel. “Don't be afraid to tell me the truth, okay?”

“I just don't want to say anything that might be taken the wrong way,” Sykkuno explained, apologetic. “I do it a lot, as you might have already figured out. Sometimes people get offended.”

“I always prefer the truth. No matter how much it hurts.”

“Oh, well, in that case.” Sykkuno took a breath. “I definitely didn't come with you because I felt sorry for you. I came because I like you. I like talking to you, and, um...the other stuff we did, I liked that too.”

The words sounded bald, but Corpse had asked for the truth. Sykkuno didn't know any other way to say it, even though the phrase _I like you_ didn't quite seem to sum up the feelings he had for Corpse. But even as shy and inexperienced with relationships as Sykkuno was, he still knew that it was silly to change the word _like_ for something else so soon after meeting somebody.

“You really mean that,” Corpse said slowly.

Sykkuno hesitated. “Did you really think I'd come all this way because I felt sorry for you?”

“I don't know. I'm sort of – used to pity, I guess.”

“From fans, and stuff? Like people online?”

“Yeah. I almost wish I'd never said anything about my illnesses. But at the same time, I had to say something. I had to explain why I just drop off the face of the planet sometimes, and why I can't be like other daily streamers and uploaders. It's like a fuckin' trap. I say nothing and my fans will think I'm being ungrateful or lazy or something. I tell the truth and people pity me.”

Sykkuno didn't know what to say to that. “I...I guess I just assumed that you knew I was better than that.”

Corpse winced. “Fuck. That's not what I – of course I knew that. My friends – all of you guys online – I know you're good people. But with you, I just worry...”

Sykkuno's heart crawled up into his throat. 

“I just think...you do things for people,” Corpse said. “You don't think about yourself at all. You just give and give and _give_ , and never take. You never expect the same kindness in return.”

“I didn't know that was a bad thing,” Sykkuno said honestly. “I just really like making people happy.”

“You deserve more.”

“More what?” 

“Sykkuno...”

Both of them jumped as Corpse's phone lit up and buzzed loudly against the table.

“Oh, our food,” Sykkuno blurted unnecessarily, grateful for the distraction. Corpse's words kept bouncing around in his brain, and he wasn't quite sure how to feel about them. Was Corpse having second thoughts about bringing him over? Was Sykkuno's presence bothering him? Making his anxiety worse? What about him made Corpse so worried? 

He shook his head to clear it. Corpse didn't have his mask on, so it would probably make him anxious to deal with the delivery person. “I'll go downstairs and get it.”

“You don't have to...”

But Sykkuno had already left.


	7. vii.

Things seemed to settle down for a little while, but Sykkuno's body still thrummed with an odd tense energy. 

At first he felt that he wouldn't have enough appetite to eat at all. He still wasn't sure why he made Corpse nervous, even after he'd opened up so much earlier on the drive here. Maybe he was nervous _because_ he'd opened up so much.

Except...what had Corpse said? _You do things for people. You just give and never take._

It was true enough. Sykkuno liked making people happy in whatever small way he could. And this was _Corpse._ He would do just about anything to see Corpse smile. But maybe Corpse thought that Sykkuno was going too far out of his way. Sometimes, Sykkuno felt the same thing. It was like being given a gift on Christmas from someone who he hadn't bought a gift for in return. 

But the glances Corpse kept giving him when he thought Sykkuno wasn't looking weren't exactly nervous. Sykkuno couldn't quite pinpoint what he saw in those odd dark amber eyes. There was a wariness there, and a softness, and maybe something like guilt. 

_Is he still feeling bad about wanting to come home?_ Sykkuno wondered. He'd tried hard to convince Corpse that it was okay. Maybe Corpse needed something more than words, though. Sykkuno would have to think about that.

“Have you ever been here?” Corpse asked, turning the delivery bag towards Sykkuno so that he could see the logo.

“I don't think so. I'm sure it's good, though.” Sykkuno watched Corpse's hands as he took out the containers. “I'm not that picky with sushi. I usually just go wherever's cheapest, you know?”

Corpse quirked an eyebrow at him. “Then I think you'll appreciate this.”

“Oh, is it...expensive?” Sykkuno wondered. Corpse hadn't let him see the order total. 

“Don't worry about that.” 

“I'll...try.” Sykkuno liked things to be fair, and he could definitely afford to go splits. Especially since he didn't even pay rent any more. _Maybe I can get him something next time._ “But you know, I would have been happy with something cheap. I don't need fancy stuff. I'll eat whatever.”

Corpse's laugh seemed to bubble up out of nowhere. “Yeah, I've heard about your frozen burrito and hot dog addiction.”

“Wait, you know about that?” Sykkuno covered his embarrassed grin. “Oh, well – that's kind of over for now. My parents cook real food. Not that I'll be there much longer, but...maybe when I get my own place I'll keep up the good habits. But how did you know about the hot dog thing?”

“I told you, I watch your streams.”

Sykkuno tried to remember the last time he'd talked about his diet. “You must have watched a lot of them. Or do you just have a really good memory?”

This time Corpse's laugh was nervous. “You won't think I'm a creep if I answer that honestly?”

“I would never think you're a creep.”

“Well, sometimes I watch you in bed when I can't sleep.” Corpse paused. “Wow, that sounded even worse than I thought.”

“When you can't sleep, huh?” Sykkuno thought that Corpse looked pretty when he blushed. He was so pale that colour came to his face easily and lingered there. Sykkuno couldn't hold back a smile. “Isn't that every night, though?”

The corners of Corpse's mouth turned up. “Maybe.” 

“You must be really tired of looking at my face, then.”

“I don't think I could ever get tired of looking at you.”

Everything Corpse said sounded so honest that Sykkuno couldn't even find a way to dismiss the compliment. “Oh, well, I'm sure you would eventually.”

Corpse raised an eyebrow. “Sykkuno, this sounds an awful lot like fishing.”

“Fishing? Well, maybe it is.” Sykkuno laughed behind his hand. “Just a little.”

“There's one thing I can't see on stream at all.” Corpse stepped forward and caught his fingers, tugging them away from his mouth. “I love your smile.”

“You do? I think it looks...I don't know. Kinda weird. But if you say so, maybe I'll try to stop covering it on camera.”

“I don't mind being one of the only people that gets to see it.” Corpse's fingers intertwined with his. 

“Um,” Sykkuno said, heat prickling up his spine and swirling in his head, like the effects of alcohol. “That's good, but don't worry. I think there's other stuff that only you'll get to see, too.”

“ _Sykkuno._ ”

Sykkuno struggled to control his face, maintaining an innocent expression. “Oh, what did I say?”

“You know exactly what you're doing.”

“Do I? Should I stop?”

“Oh, I'm definitely not complaining...but if you keep it up I'm going to forget about the sushi.”

Sykkuno blinked. “Oh, right, there's food. We should probably eat.”

Corpse pulled out a chair for him. Sykkuno sat, and Corpse took the chair across from him at the small dining table, with the sushi boat between them. 

The soft light made it feel like they were in some secluded corner of a restaurant, just like in a movie. The candles made the shadows flicker and dance, turning Corpse's eyes into deep black pools. Corpse seemed to like candles, Sykkuno noticed. He had a lot of them. Maybe they reminded him of a fireplace flickering in a little log cabin in the middle of nowhere.

“So you're thinking about getting your own place?” Corpse asked him after they'd sampled all the different sushi rolls.

“Oh, well, eventually.” Sykkuno shrugged. “I can't live at home forever. I mean, I could, because my family would let me, but you know what I mean. I had this one plan, but it kind of fell through.”

“What was it?”

“Toast and I were looking at this house in Burbank. We went out to look at it together.”

“I didn't know that Toast wanted to leave the OTV house.”

“He's not sure, I think. They all know it's not a long term thing. Like, what happens if they get partners or want to have kids? It's not like they can all just stay there. But he's happy enough for now. It was just...well, it was an idea, that's all.”

“He seems like he'd be a good roommate.”

“He's a really good person,” Sykkuno agreed. “When I met him, he didn't seem to like me, but the more I talked to him the more we realized how much we had in common. He's always so funny, and people think he's just a comedian or something, but he's actually one of the nicest people I know.”

“What happened to the house?”

“Oh, someone else rented it before we could make a decision.” Sykkuno shrugged. “That's okay, though. It was just the first house I saw that I liked when I started looking.”

“So it was your idea.”

Sykkuno nodded. “I've been...I guess house hunting is way too serious of a term for it? But I've been looking around at different places. Not just in the LA area, either. But then...none of my friends want to live outside LA. Except Rae, I suppose. She talked about going back home to Washington, but that's pretty far, and besides, I don't think she'd want to go for a few years. I talked to some other people too, but they're all looking at Texas. And Toast isn't sure he wants to stay in the country at all. All his family is in Canada. I guess I might have to just move out on my own,” he concluded. “That doesn't sound very great, but there's not much else I can do.”

Corpse didn't seem to mind Sykkuno talking so much. He was a good listener. He had a way of looking like he was absorbing every word and not just putting up with it to be polite. 

And Sykkuno found himself opening up like he'd never before thought possible. He told Corpse everything about his hopes and dreams, the struggles he had over turning down the offer to stay at the new OTV house, his anxiety over his streaming career and what he'd do when it was over. Somehow it wasn't even awkward to talk about financial stuff with Corpse. It was even easy. Sykkuno had never dreamed that he would ever be so _comfortable_ with another person.

“So do you want to stay in California?” Corpse asked after Sykkuno returned to the original topic of conversation.

“I don't know,” Sykkuno said slowly. Corpse seemed to be feigning a sudden interest in his chipped nail polish. As if he wanted to pretend like he didn't care much about the answer. Sykkuno couldn't see his legs under the table, but he could see Corpse's shoulder shaking rhythmically like he was bouncing them again. “I mean...I like it. It's where I grew up. But it's very expensive.”

“Right.” Corpse picked at his thumbnail. “And there's not much holding you here.”

“Well, I wouldn't say that. My whole family is here. And even if I don't see my friends very much, I like being close enough to hang out.” 

“You could always visit. Maybe not very often.”

“I guess, if I had a car and wasn't too far away. I don't like flying very much. It's so expensive. And I'm a little scared of airplanes, not gonna lie.”

“You are?” Corpse seemed surprised by that. “I've never been on a plane before.”

“Really?”

“We never went on vacation or anything. Didn't have the money. And as an adult, I think I'd have a panic attack if I had to go to the airport by myself. The plane itself looks claustrophobic as fuck.”

“It's a good thing you like driving, then.”

Corpse laughed. “It's a good thing I have nowhere to go, you mean.”

Sykkuno frowned slightly at that, but thought it would probably be a bit awkward to interject _What about visiting me?_ After all, Corpse had already said he'd pick him up for their next date. Maybe he just meant that he wouldn't be able to come up very often.

And if Sykkuno went ahead with his latest plan, it would be less often still. Maybe he'd have to rethink a few things. Even though they'd only just met, he definitely didn't want to move too far away from Corpse. He knew it from the first time Corpse had kissed him back in the kitchen at the OTV house. 

In that kiss Sykkuno had tasted everything he'd ever wanted – everything he ever thought romance could be – and it was far too magical to give up.

The longer he stared at Corpse's eyes, the more likely he was to say something embarrassing. “These dragon rolls are really good,” Sykkuno blurted. “And this wasabi tastes real, not like the stuff at cheap places.”

“I wouldn't know.” Corpse nudged the little container of green wasabi paste closer to Sykkuno. “I can't eat that stuff.”

“You don't like spicy food?”

“I do, but it's bad for my throat.”

“Oh, right.” Sykkuno nodded sympathetically. “Your, um, the acid reflux thing. That would hurt, wouldn't it, if the acid was super spicy?”

“It's not so bad,” Corpse said, reaching for his bubble tea. “I just can't afford to mess up my voice while I'm working.”

Sykkuno watched his mouth wrap around the thick straw and his breath caught in his throat. 

“I, um,” he started, trying desperately to think of something else. “I'll remember, the next time we go out, we'll make sure to get something that's not spicy.” 

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he felt silly. It wasn't like Corpse couldn't order for himself. It was just hard to think for some reason. He'd never been any good at small talk, and he would probably be even worse if he tried to say something romantic.

Corpse's eyes fixed on him. “Next time,” he repeated slowly, almost like a question.

Sykkuno flushed. “Yeah. I know you're really busy, so it's not like it can just be whenever I want, of course...”

“You definitely want there to be a next time?”

The question startled him. It occurred to him then that they _still_ hadn't really talked about what exactly this was. Sykkuno had tried to keep reminding himself that it was a step they needed to take, but so far he hadn't seen any opportunity to do so. At what point did two people become a couple? Did one of them ask, or did they both just _know_ somehow, eventually?

“Definitely,” Sykkuno said as firmly as possible. He reached across the table to touch Corpse's hand. “This is really, um. The candles, and the dinner, being here with you...I really like it.”

“I wish I had more to offer than takeout sushi in my apartment.”

“Oh,” was all Sykkuno could manage in response. He had thought it was a nice thing to say, but it seemed to make Corpse sad. “But I promise, I don't need anything else. I actually don't even like restaurants very much. There are so many people around, and you don't really get to be alone.”

“I still wish I had more to offer you in general.” Corpse finally dropped his eyes. “I wish...”

“I wish you would believe me when I'm trying to tell you that I'm having a good time,” Sykkuno blurted out. It wasn't like him to interrupt, but he couldn't help it.

Corpse looked up again, startled.

“I'm being honest,” Sykkuno said. “I like it here. I like you. And when I have to go home to do my streams and stuff, I want to come back whenever you can have me. I want to be – I don't know the right word – but you know. I know you know.”

Corpse put down his tea slowly, a shadow falling over his face. His dark brows furrowed. “I do know,” he said slowly. “But what about your plans to move?”

“I might have to rethink some stuff, that's all. I won't go far away,” Sykkuno promised. “I wouldn't want to be too far from you.”

He had thought that would get a smile from Corpse, but instead the shadows on Corpse's face seemed to deepen. “Are you sure? Maybe you want to wait before you decide...”

“Wait for what?” 

Corpse resumed his fake interest in picking off his chipped polish. “I don't know. It seemed...I don't want to hold you back. I don't want you to feel – obligated to stay. You could change your mind.”

“Change my mind about _you_? But...Corpse...”

“Well, I'm just saying...if you wanted to move somewhere else...or if someone else came along...you shouldn't feel tied down, that's all.”

“Someone else?” The words stung harder than Sykkuno thought. “Maybe we're not on the same page after all,” he managed, and his voice only cracked a little.

Hurt and guilt flashed over Corpse's face. “Sy...”

“That sounds like the opposite of what I was trying to say.” Sykkuno clenched his hands to stop them from shaking. Had he misread everything this badly? “That sounds like you don't want to be – officially together.”

“I just don't want you to make any serious decisions before you know exactly what you're getting into.”

“Kissing you and sleeping in bed with you wasn't a serious decision?”

The words seemed to hit Corpse hard. “I didn't mean that. Of course it was – especially since you've never...”

“Do you think I would just come to your apartment to stay the night with you and then go find someone else?”

“No. No, of course not. I meant – your plans – ” Corpse rubbed his mouth, watching Sykkuno's face struggling to maintain control. “You don't understand,” he said helplessly. 

“Well, I'm trying.” Sykkuno felt nauseous. “I thought all of this was serious.”

“I know. I know. I feel the same way, Sy, I promise.”

“But why...” Sykkuno choked out. He was trying his best not to cry. “Why don't you want...”

“What I want doesn't matter.” Corpse exhaled roughly, staring at his hands. “It was...selfish of me to even bring you over. Maybe I shoudn't have.”

“I thought...you wanted me here.” 

Every word hurt. He was going to cry and he didn't want to do it in front of Corpse. He couldn't even look at Corpse. He was back in high school again, the bystanders snickering behind their hands as Sykkuno stood lost and confused in front of the pretty girl who had charmed him with his very first compliment. He'd thought her face was pretty until he saw the mockery dancing in her eyes.

Leave. He had to leave. There was nowhere to go, but he couldn't stand it. He stood up from the table clumsily, banging his hip off the sharp edge.

“Sykkuno.” Corpse got up too, gripping the edge of the table for balance, and Sykkuno saw that his legs were shaking. “Wait. Please, I didn't mean – oh fuck.” 

Sykkuno backed up into the doorway, confused. He tried not to let Corpse see his face but it was too late. He wasn't moving fast enough. He didn't want to go – he had nowhere to go. 

All he wanted was to be wanted back.

“You're crying.” Corpse made a sound like he'd been punched in the chest. “I made you cry.”

The tone of his voice stopped Sykkuno in his tracks. Corpse sounded like he was ready to cry himself.

“Please let me explain,” Corpse said hoarsely. 

Sykkuno swallowed and waited, not trusting himself to speak. Corpse took the silence as acquiescence. 

“I do want you here. I want _you_. I'm not trying to be an asshole, I just can't help it. I'm just – I'm really fucked up, Sykkuno. More than you know.”

Corpse's hands were trembling, his knuckles white. Sykkuno didn't know what to do. The look on Corpse's face kept him from running. It was the look of something starved and desperate, like the stray cat his parents used to feed, the one that stretched toward their extended hands before cringing back, like it craved the touch but expected a kick.

And despite his own pain, sympathy took over. Sykkuno knew then and there that if he witnessed Corpse cry, it would hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt before.

“Corpse,” Sykkuno said helplessly. “Let me...how can I...I want to help, but I don't know...look, it's okay if you don't want to be a couple. I just thought – but it doesn't matter.”

“I _do_ want that,” Corpse whispered. “I'm – I'm sorry. I'm doing this all wrong. I don't know how to do it right. But I'm trying.”

“Okay,” Sykkuno said, totally lost now. “I'm trying to understand, but I just don't get why you said that maybe you shouldn't have brought me here.”

“ _This_ is why. I knew I'd ruin everything somehow. I always do. This is why I said, you can run if you want to. I'll understand. If there's someone better out there – someone fucking _normal_ – I'd rather you be happy. That's all I meant.”

Corpse's words seemed to come out of him in short staccato bursts, piled up on top of each other like a highway car crash. Sykkuno tried his best to puzzle out what he was trying to say. 

“So you want to be a couple, but...you also don't care if I leave you for someone else?”

Corpse groaned. “I _would_ care. But it doesn't matter. If you were okay, I'd survive.”

“But there is nobody else. I told you.”

“But if there was...or if you wanted to move far away...I would hate it if you gave that up for someone like me.” 

“Someone like you? But you're so...” Sykkuno groped for a word but couldn't find one that could sum up the entirety of Corpse's being. “I like everything about you.”

Corpse shook his head. “I'm not good enough for you. It's not right...you don't know, you've never been in a relationship, you won't know just how fucking awful I am because you haven't had anything better.”

“You're not good enough for me?” Sykkuno repeated, bewildered. “You keep saying that, but what does that even mean? I thought...I thought we kind of had a connection. Like we're both kinda quiet, and anxious...but we seem to understand each other...”

“You...you're like me in some ways. But you have a family. Real friends that you see sometimes and go out with, even if its only twice a year. You have an education. Hobbies. A great career. A fucking _future._ ”

“You have more followers and stuff,” Sykkuno pointed out. “You have a really good career too. People love you.”

“They just – they like my voice, that's all. It's a fad, or a phase, or something. Just an Internet trend. I got lucky. It won't last.”

“You don't know that! And even if it doesn't, you're still...you can do something else. You can be whoever you want to be.”

“Sykkuno, I didn't think I'd even fuckin' live this long.”

“Because...of your health issues? Or...” Sykkuno's stomach rolled over. “...Corpse?”

“I bought a gun. Ages ago. I was going to. I was going to and I didn't.”

Sykkuno felt cold all over. It felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach. He didn't know what to say. “Do you still...have it?”

“I got rid of it.” Corpse looked at him desperately. “I'm not going to. Not anymore. I'm glad I didn't go through with it – most of the time – but now...I have no plans for the future.”

The relief made him dizzy. “But you're really young. It's not like you can't still make plans.”

“But I don't have a degree and life goals. I don't know what I'm doing. I can barely keep the handful of friends I've managed to make. You don't know...you only met me this year. I'm not a good person, Sy. I've ghosted people. I don't talk to my own family. I've gone crazy from not sleeping and said delirious shit that hurt people. One day I might hurt you too. I already have, and it's been two fucking days. You deserve better than this.”

“You would never hurt me on purpose.” Sykkuno felt sure of that. “And that doesn't make you a bad person. If you were a bad person, you wouldn't feel sorry for it.”

Corpse clutched at his hand like he wanted to believe it. “But even then... I'm always going to be struggling with my health. I'm never going to be normal. That's what I meant when I said...that I didn't want you to feel tied down. Trapped. Because you're so – genuine and wonderful and caring that you might think its your job to stay, even if you're unhappy.”

Sykkuno was so frustrated with him that he blurted out the first thing that came into his head without stopping to think.

“What, so you don't think people with chronic health issues or mental health problems deserve to be in relationships?”

Corpse's jaw actually dropped. “Fuck, of course I don't think that.”

“Well that's what it sounds like you're saying.” Sykkuno made himself be bold and look Corpse in the eye. “You think me being healthy makes me better than you?”

Corpse looked flustered. “I...I didn't mean...”

“I thought a relationship was about caring for each other no matter what. If you need help or something, it wouldn't make me unhappy to help you. Isn't that how it's supposed to work?”

Sykkuno wondered if maybe he was being too mean. He didn't know where any of this was even coming from. He'd never been this blunt before, not with anybody. But he meant every word he said, and he couldn't stop them from coming out. 

“I'm sorry,” he added, to soften the blow. “Corpse, I don't mean to sound angry, because I'm definitely not. Well, maybe a little, but only because I don't like it that you're talking about yourself like you're a burden.”

Corpse stared at him. “I've never been anything else. I don't know how to be anything else.”

Sykkuno thought about all of Corpse's talents, his music, the way he made everyone laugh, the way he lit up so many lives with nothing but his presence and voice and character.

But then he thought about the glimpses of his life that Corpse had shown him – a life of neglect and abuse, devoid of anything resembling love. And even the explosion into fame was a double edged sword. No matter how amazing he was, he _couldn't_ live up to people's expectations. Nobody could. Not all of the time, anyway. And to have that life, and that public image weighing on him, and to be home alone with nobody to help, and to be hurting physically on top of it all...

“I don't know how to tell you that you're wrong,” Sykkuno finally said. “But you are. I think you're one of the best people I've ever met. All the stuff you mentioned about struggling with your mental health, I don't see that as a bad thing. If anything it makes you kind of an inspiration because you're still such a hard worker. People look up to you, I've seen them say so.” 

He paused, trying to read Corpse's stunned face. When he said nothing, Sykkuno added, “You should try to believe me because I'm a really bad liar.”

“I'm trying. I really am. I know it doesn't look like it.” Corpse made a sound that wasn't like his usual pretty, bubbly laugh. “You don't know how much I care about you. How much us talking this past year has helped me. Even nothing but a single message from you in our Discord group makes my day so much better. Listening to your voice as I fall asleep...and hearing you say such nice things about me even when I'm not there...nothing this good has ever happened to me, Sykkuno. And I'm scared. I've never had anything good last for me.”

The warm words made Sykkuno's heart pound. “But if you're so scared,” he asked slowly, “why did you kiss me at the party?”

“I was scared then, too.” Corpse swallowed. “I couldn't help myself. I kept telling myself not to be stupid, but I couldn't stop looking at you and thinking about it.”

“Well, it definitely wasn't stupid. I would have never dared to do it no matter how much I wanted to.”

“Were you thinking about it too?”

Sykkuno couldn't believe how surprised Corpse sounded. “Do you not know how hot you are, or something?” he blurted out, to his mortification.

Corpse reddened. “Uh. I don't really think...no?”

“As soon as you walked in I thought that you had been lying when you said on stream that you're not as good-looking as people think,” Sykkuno said honestly. “I couldn't look away from you. I tried because I didn't want to be weird, but I don't think I did a very good job. But even if you weren't so pretty I would have liked you anyway. Maybe I didn't know much about you, but I liked everything about you that I did know.”

“And now?” Corpse asked, his lips barely moving around the words. 

“I like you more than ever.”

Corpse's eyes pierced him, gazing _into_ him, like he was trying to see into his soul. And finally, the mask of doubt broke. 

Corpse hugged him suddenly, his hands gripping Sykkuno's back like he was afraid Sykkuno might disappear if he didn't hold on. Sykkuno hugged him back, holding on just as tight.

“I'm still scared,” Corpse said, his breath warm on Sykkuno's neck. “So fuckin' scared.”

“Well, it's okay to be scared, I think. I'm scared too.”

“Of what?”

“I'm scared that you won't even let me have a chance to show you how amazing you are.” 

Corpse pulled back to arms' length. “Is this what you really want?”

“More than anything I've ever wanted before,” Sykkuno said honestly. 

“Then...I'll try to get better at this.” Corpse took a deep breath. “For you, I'll try. I'd do anything for you.”

“Anything?”

Corpse nodded.

“Well, in that case, stop thinking I'm too good for you, whatever the hell that means,” Sykkuno said as firmly as he could. “I'm not perfect either, you know.”

Corpse's eyebrows disappeared under his curls. “Did you just swear?”

Sykkuno flushed. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Jesus,” Corpse said, and the shadows on his face were gone. “That's how I know you're actually serious.”

“Well – if you never call yourself a burden again, I'll say the F word, really loudly. Just for you.”

The sound of Corpse's laughter – his real laugh, pure and bubbly as ever – was sweeter than music. “Oh my god. I don't know if I'm ready. Can I record it?”

Sykkuno laughed with him. “Maybe. Why, what would you do with it?”

“I could post it on Twitter and break the internet.”

“Oh no, what if - ” Sykkuno laughed harder. “What if someone gets it tattooed on them like they did with your breath?”

“They might. I'm sure someone will suggest it.”

“Maybe I could say it on stream instead. The next time we all play something together.”

“You don't know how much I'm looking forward to that now.”

Sykkuno thought he did know. When Corpse wasn't wearing his carefully guarded look like a mask, his emotions lit up his whole face. His smile made him look so much younger than he was. 

“I always love playing with you,” Sykkuno said. “I don't think I've ever had so much fun while streaming before I met you.”

“I can't believe I almost told Sean that I was too busy to join the lobby, that day we met.”

“Jack invited you? I forgot. I'll have to send him a thank you card, or something.”

“I'll sign it.” Corpse grinned at him. 

Sykkuno felt like he was lighter on his feet, like even the weight of gravity had been lifted from his shoulders. He watched from the doorway as Corpse cleaned up the kitchen, waving off Sykkuno's offer to help. He liked the way Corpse moved, easy and graceful, so different than his hunched gait when he was outside. He liked the way Corpse's black curls looked so stark and soft against his white neck. And as he watched, he felt a little thrill of triumph.

Something must have shown on his face. Corpse turned and tilted his head quizzically. “What did I do?”

“I don't know,” Sykkuno said, embarrassed. “I just like looking at you.”

Corpse crossed the room in two easy strides and caught him up in his arms. “You,” he said, “are too sweet for words. What am I supposed to do with you?”

“Um,” Sykkuno said, thinking. “We could watch a movie, maybe. You have Netflix or something? That's what people do, right? Like, dinner and a movie?”

Corpse huffed out a laugh. “I thought you were going to say 'Netflix and chill.'”

“Oh, is that something different?”

That earned him another giggle. Corpse knew when Sykkuno was playing it up for fun. “Come on,” he said. “I'll find us something.”

On the couch, Corpse leaned into the corner and gestured for Sykkuno to sit in front. He curled his arms around Sykkuno's shoulders and pulled him back against his chest. Sykkuno could hear his heart beating, could feel the soft rise and fall of his breath. It felt so good to be held. It felt so good to feel like they were a part of each other, bound by a promise.

Maybe they were both bad at this, but Sykkuno knew that didn't matter. They were trying, for each other. And judging by how tough and bullheaded Corpse had proved himself to be – whether he knew it himself or not – Sykkuno knew that they could make it work.

And in this strange apartment, in a strange city miles from everything he knew, Sykkuno felt like he finally _belonged._

“Is that your phone?”

Sykkuno snapped back to the present with a start. “Hm? Oh, I think so.” His pocket was vibrating. He fumbled it out and looked at his notifications.

“Anything important?” Corpse asked lazily, stroking his fingers through Sykkuno's hair.

“Not really.” Sykkuno had about fifteen messages, most from Rae, some from Toast, all asking about how his date had gone. It made him smile to know that they cared. He wouldn't tell them that he was at Corpse's place now, though. 

Some secrets were too good to share. 

Corpse could have seen the screen if he wanted to, but he wasn't looking. “You can answer whoever it is. I don't mind.”

Sykkuno rarely turned off his phone, but he did so now, and tossed it on the coffee table. “Not right now. I'm too busy.”

He settled back on Corpse's chest, safe in his arms, and let himself doze off into daydreams again. They had the whole night still ahead of them. 

And he couldn't wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating will increase to E (Explicit) when the next chapter is posted.


	8. viii.

Later, Sykkuno would never be able to recall a single detail of the movie that they watched. He would only remember the important things. 

The feeling of hands clasped over his heart. The little constellation of freckles on Corpse's forearm, four tiny dots in a curious zig-zag shape. How often Corpse laughed, and the way his whole body shook when he did, clutching Sykkuno closer to his chest. How he yawned like a cat with his eyes all scrunched up and his teeth showing. 

It was all so fascinating. So exhilarating to discover another person in this way, with all their quirks and details. There were so many things to like about Corpse. So many things he still wanted to know and learn. 

And the best part about all of it was that the feeling seemed to be mutual. Corpse looked at Sykkuno as often as he looked at the screen. Sykkuno wasn't used to the attention, but he liked it more than he would have thought.

When the movie ended, neither of them were in a hurry to get up. 

“You want to watch something else?” Corpse asked lazily, flicking through the recommendations. 

“Sure, if you do. I'm down with anything.”

“You're not getting bored, are you? Just tell me, and I'll try to be more exciting. I guess you know by now that I'm not exactly the greatest host.”

“Definitely not bored.” Sykkuno laughed at the idea. “What about you? I guess you're usually working every day, so this must feel weird.”

“Not so much. I appreciate the break.” Corpse's fingers, feather-soft, traced lazy spirals up Sykkuno's arm. “Besides, you're keeping me busy enough.”

“Am I?” The touch made his eyes close as he shivered pleasantly. “I'm not doing anything.”

“Mm. Maybe not. But you're a mystery, Sykkuno. I'm having fun trying to figure you out.”

“I'm a mystery?” Sykkuno laughed again. Coming from Corpse, it seemed ironic.

Corpse seemed to understand Sykkuno's line of thought. “I know people think I'm mysterious or whatever, just because I don't show my name or face. That's literally it though. I'm predictable as fuck. Everything people assume about me is true. But _you..._ ”

“What about me? I don't mean to be mysterious.”

“I know you don't. But there's so much more to you than anyone would ever guess. I feel like a lot of people think they know you, but they don't.” 

“That's just because I don't talk much about certain things, but I do like talking to people.” Sykkuno was good at keeping stuff hidden. He couldn't get hurt that way. “If I really, really like somebody I feel like I can open up more. It's still hard, but – I do want to.”

Corpse's hand settled on his bicep. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I think I know how that feels.”

“I feel like I can tell _you_ almost anything.”

“Good,” Corpse said, “because everything about you makes me want to know more. I want to know what you see in me.”

“How come? That sounded kinda, what's the word – self-deprecating. We should make a rule about that with each other.”

“That's a good rule. I didn't mean to put myself down, though.” Corpse frowned in thought. “It's more like – you're a lot more clever than you give yourself credit for. A lot more perceptive, too. And if you see something good in me, it makes me want to believe it too.”

“Well, you should.” Sykkuno wriggled until he was on his back, so he could see Corpse's face better. “And I don't think you're predictable. I feel the same way as you, really. You know, nobody's ever told me that I'm interesting or anything before.”

“Maybe they tried,” Corpse said softly, “but you just didn't want to believe it.”

Sykkuno got the sense that Corpse wasn't just talking about him. He looked up at Corpse's face, at those wonderful eyes, and thought that he'd never felt closer to anyone before. The softness he saw in Corpse's gaze took his breath away.

And Corpse’s lips were right there, and he was kissing him again and Sykkuno was kissing back – or maybe Sykkuno was the one who started it this time. He didn't know - he couldn’t possibly know - how could anyone think straight? Sykkuno would never, _ever_ get tired of the feeling of Corpse's mouth against his own. He tasted like tea, sweet and rich, and he was so soft and tender as he cupped Sykkuno's jaw in his big hand. 

Later – it could have been just minutes that had passed, or maybe hours, he couldn't tell – Sykkuno followed Corpse back into the kitchen. Corpse made coffee for him, strong and a little dark for his taste, but it tasted good with milk. Sykkuno sat at the island with the mug clutched between both of his hands, letting the steam and the roasty-sweet scent wash over him.

“You mind if I take a shower?” Corpse asked as he rinsed out the coffee pot. He sounded apologetic. “I don't want to leave you alone out here, but I feel like I need one.”

“Hm? Oh, sure. I kinda want one too, I think. Would that be okay? I feel weird when I don't have one in the morning. Well, not in the morning, but when I get up.”

Corpse just shrugged easily. “You want to go first?”

“It doesn't matter. Well, maybe you should go first. It's your apartment. I'll be okay out here for a bit.”

“I won't be long. I don't think I'm gonna wash my hair. There'll be plenty of hot water left for you.”

Sykkuno looked at Corpse's unruly curls and nodded. “Oh, right. Someone told me that you don't have to wash curly hair as much, because it gets so dry. I think Rae told me.”

“Oh, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Sometimes it's just hard to wash it if my arms hurt.”

That made Sykkuno worried. “Are your arms hurting right now?”

“A little,” Corpse admitted. “Nothing too awful. I don't want to lose feeling in them tonight.”

“Well, maybe I could help you wash your hair,” Sykkuno suggested, and he was thinking about the time he'd helped Rae wash her hair at Leslie's house. To be fair, his help had consisted of holding a shower head and not getting water in Rae's eyes, but it was probably a lot easier to wash shorter hair. 

Corpse made an odd noise that sounded like a startled wheeze. Sykkuno looked up in surprise to see him leaning over his glass of water, coughing like he'd choked on it.

“Are you okay, Corpse?”

“You, uh. You want to shower with me?”

If Sykkuno had been drinking his coffee at that moment he would have choked too. 

“Oh, um, I wasn't – I didn't mean – I was thinking there was a way we could do it, you know, without actually being – ”

“Oh. Uh, right.” Corpse looked embarrassed. “That's – yeah. Maybe.”

Sykkuno's mind couldn't help but supply a stream of visuals of what Corpse would look like without any clothes on at all. No clothes, and _wet_ , with the air all steamy and hot around him. He remembered the peek he'd gotten the night before, of Corpse in his T-shirt and underwear, and just thinking about his thighs made him feel a little weak in the knees. Was showering together something people did? 

_Not just people. Couples,_ Sykkuno reminded himself. _Couples must shower together all the time._ But maybe it was weird for a first date. Or was it? 

But who cared about whether it was weird or not, if Corpse wanted to do it?

“I mean,” Sykkuno started slowly, hardly believing what he was saying, “if you _wanted_ to shower together...we could.”

“Um.” Corpse's eyes flickered, his lips parting as his gaze moved over Sykkuno's body. He swallowed hard. “I, uh – that would be – wow, um, are you sure?”

“I think...it could be, um...” His cheeks were so warm. “Exciting? I mean if you don't want to, that's fine too. We've never seen each other without clothes on so it might be a little...well if you don't want to show me, I get it. I'd like it, though, I think.”

“I – uh – Sykkuno – ” Corpse seemed to have trouble talking. “If we did, then I'd be – we should maybe try to talk beforehand about what exactly we want to happen.”

Sykkuno nodded even though he didn't have a coherent idea, just a whirlwind of images that made him blush. He especially liked that Corpse seemed flustered. 

“Right,” he said. “Um – do we? We could just, you know, figure things out as we go.”

“I managed to behave myself when we slept in the guest bed together,” Corpse added, looking up shyly through his fringe. “I can't make any promises this time.”

“What do you mean behave yourself?” Sykkuno giggled. “If you look, that's okay. Not gonna lie, I'm gonna be looking at you too.”

“I'm not much to look at.”

Sykkuno remembered that Corpse was self conscious. He slid out of the chair and went to put his empty mug in the sink, wondering how to make Corpse feel better. “Well, I'm definitely sure you're wrong about that, but like I said, we don't have to. I'm sure your hair will be fine if we don't wash it. You know, it doesn't look dirty. It looks super pretty, actually. It smells good too.” 

“No, no. I – ” Corpse ran a hand over his hair. “I want to. I really, really want to.” 

Sykkuno couldn't help but touch his tousled curls. “It is kind of tangled, I guess,” he conceded. “It could use some conditioner, I think.”

Corpse inhaled sharply and leaned into his touch, his eyes slitting half-closed. “Yeah?”

 _He likes his hair being touched._ Sykkuno tried to run his fingers through it like he would his own, but snagged on a tangle. 

“Oh, sorry,” Sykkuno started to say as he accidentally tugged Corpse's hair, but he was cut off by a sudden groan. Startled, Sykkuno looked at Corpse's face and saw his mouth hanging open and his eyes half-closed. “Corpse, did I hurt you?”

Corpse blinked, looking dazed. “No.”

“But you made a noise...”

“Yeah. It's – it felt – ” Corpse exhaled roughly. “Maybe, my hair – it's a thing for me.”

“Oh, you...liked it?” Sykkuno asked, his heart thumping. “You like your hair being pulled?”

“Yes,” Corpse breathed, shuddering. 

Sykkuno wasn't sure what to do with that information, but he knew it made him feel some kind of way. “Oh,” he said dumbly. 

“Sorry, I – I didn't mean to make it weird.”

“That's not weird.” Sykkuno kissed him again. And he only hesitated for a second before fisting his hand in the thickest part of Corpse's hair, near the back of his head. 

“Sy – ”

“I can, um – I can do it for you, if you like it.” He gave it a more deliberate tug, yanking Corpse's head back, and was rewarded with a sharper moan that filled his veins with heat. “Was that good?”

“Fuck.” Corpse's neck bulged as he swallowed. “ _Yes._ ”

Sykkuno kept hold of his handful of hair, not pulling, just keeping a firm grip and watching in wonder as Corpse let him have control. 

“I didn't know it was so easy to make you feel good.”

Corpse raised an eyebrow. “Are you calling me easy?”

“Oh, no, but – ” Sykkuno giggled. “Well, I guess you did agree to shower with me pretty fast.”

Corpse's head shook as he laughed. Sykkuno loosened his grip and fought the urge to cover his wide grin. He was glad Corpse appreciated being teased a little. And he was glad that he felt comfortable enough to tease Corpse and make them both laugh.

“You know, it was your idea,” Corpse pointed out. He had a dimple in his left cheek when he smiled. 

“Oh, but I just said I could wash your hair. We could do that without being in the shower together. You're the one whose mind immediately went somewhere else.”

“Where else do you wash your hair except in the shower?”

“Like over the edge of the tub. You could like, kneel down and – well, um – ”

“Get on my knees for you, huh?” The dimple appeared again. “You could have just asked.”

The heat intensified. “Oh – I – um – I, ah – that sounds like you're calling _yourself_ easy, I think.”

Corpse barked out a laugh. “You got me there.” He slid his hands around Sykkuno's hips and tilted his head, his eyes gleaming with intensity. “But only for you. I would do whatever the fuck you asked me to.”

Before Sykkuno could think of what to say to that, Corpse kissed him like he meant to devour him, his teeth grazing over his bottom lip. Sykkuno met his insistent tongue and Corpse made a noise deep in his chest that was almost a growl.

Sykkuno, surprised, let him lead the kiss as his brain tried to catch up with what was happening. Something wild was stirring in him. He'd never felt like this before. All he could think about was Corpse's strange yet intriguing mix of dominance and devotion. He was so fierce, so passionate, and he touched Sykkuno like he wanted to claim him, and yet he was putty in Sykkuno's hands. The implications of that weren't lost on Sykkuno, but just thinking about it seemed too thrilling to be real.

Corpse finally pulled back to breathe. “So are we doing this?” he said into Sykkuno's ear. “You're gonna let me see you?”

Sykkuno nodded dumbly, too overwhelmed to remember that he was self-conscious too. “You just want me to...to, um...” He let go of Corpse's shoulders and touched the hem of his own soft hoodie, lifting it just above his navel. 

“ _Yeah._ Yeah, come on, please.”

“Right in the kitchen?”

Corpse's eyes were glued to the strip of exposed skin at Sykkuno's stomach. “What?”

Sykkuno couldn't help but giggle again. He lifted the hoodie a little higher. “Oh, well, I guess it's not any different than doing it in the bathroom where the shower is. Um. Feels a little, you know, awkward, but – ”

“Fuck, you _tease_ ,” Corpse bit out, and before Sykkuno knew what he was doing, Corpse was pulling his own shirt up and over his head in one fluid motion.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said. “ _Oh._ Oh wow. Corpse – you – ”

Putting a sentence together was difficult. Words were difficult. Corpse was lean and lightly muscled, his collarbone sharp and defined. His chest was mostly hairless – but below his navel there was a light trail of dark hair disappearing below the waistband of his jeans. He shied away at first when Sykkuno touched him, running his fingers down his sides and feeling the raised lines of old scars, but quickly relaxed. Corpse had told him they were there, that they were ugly, but Sykkuno didn't think they were ugly at all. 

_And you think you're not much to look at?_ Sykkuno thought, but he didn't want to say it out loud. Corpse wouldn't want to be reminded of his self-consciousness. 

Instead he just said, “I know I already said this, but – you're really, really beautiful, Corpse.”

It turned out that when Corpse blushed, his upper chest turned pink too. 

“Now let me see you,” Corpse said in his lowest register, the one that felt like velvet in his ears. 

“I guess it's only fair,” Sykkuno managed a complete sentence by accident. He didn't really know how to be as sexy as Corpse, but he tried, lifting off his hoodie as smoothly as he could. 

Corpse's eyes went wide. Sykkuno could swear he stopped breathing. He felt a little bit ridiculous, standing there in his old worn khaki pants and socks, but the way Corpse was looking at him made up for it.

Corpse opened his mouth like he meant to speak, but nothing came out. Instead they both stepped forward at once, and then they were kissing again, except now they were pressed skin-to-skin, sensual and intimate. Corpse's hands smoothed down his back and Sykkuno let himself explore Corpse's shoulders and that sharp collarbone he so admired. 

“Look at you,” Corpse said roughly, with a hitch in his voice. “How are you even real?”

“Oh, I don't know.” Sykkuno couldn't help but smile. “Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just a figment of your imagination.” It was silly and stupid, and he laughed at himself.

Corpse didn't laugh. His eyes were practically blazing with heat. “It wouldn't be the first time I imagined this.”

“What am I usually doing, in your imagination?” Sykkuno was mostly teasing because he liked to see Corpse get flustered, but he was genuinely curious.

“I could tell you. Or I could show you.” Corpse grabbed Sykkuno by the waist and kissed him again, and okay, that was good too.

Somehow they were moving, neither of them really aware of it, or anything outside of each other. Sykkuno didn't realize where they were going until he opened his eyes and saw Corpse's big bathroom mirror in front of him. And in that mirror he could see Corpse's toned back, so pale in contrast to Sykkuno's hands, which were clutching at Corpse's shoulder blades hard enough to dent the skin. There were faint pink marks when he let go. Sykkuno watched in the mirror as he pressed his hands upward, up Corpse's neck and into his hair again. 

The muscles in Corpse's back flexed and tensed, and he was rutting forward, pressing Sykkuno into the wall. It was just shy of painful – the pressure really was a lot – except the pressure wasn't coming from Corpse at all, Sykkuno realized. His cock was swelling in his pants and straining against his zipper.

_Oh._

Before Sykkuno could feel embarrassed about that, Corpse shifted his weight and moaned softly. Sykkuno felt Corpse's mouth slide over his neck, and then he felt Corpse's hardness against his own.

Sykkuno moaned, the sound tinny and sharp in the small bathroom. In the mirror he watched his own hands move on their own, sliding back down Corpse's back, and then further, until he had two handfuls of Corpse's ass.

“Holy fucking _Christ_ ,” Corpse groaned against Sykkuno's neck as Sykkuno pulled him forward, keen to feel more of the friction. 

The frustration of the thick layers of cotton between them was rapidly building up an incredible pulsing need of _want, want, want_ that took over Sykkuno's mind completely.

“Corpse, I want – I need – ”

“Yeah. Fuck. Me too.” Corpse touched the button at the front of Sykkuno's pants. “Can I – please?”

Sykkuno nodded dazedly, realized Corpse couldn't see, and said out loud, “Yes.”

Corpse's hands were almost shaking too badly to get the button undone and the zipper down. Sykkuno didn't feel too nervous about it – Corpse had already seen his underwear – but when his pants hit the floor and he looked down at himself, he made a tiny startled noise. His cock was straining at the fabric of his briefs, the outline clearly visible. There was very little left to the imagination. 

“I, um,” Sykkuno reddened and resisted the urge to cover himself with his hands. _He's going to see it all anyway,_ he reminded himself. He was comfortable with that, even excited, but...still, nobody had ever seen him like this before. 

But then he reminded himself that he now got to do the same to Corpse. 

He swallowed hard and mimicked what Corpse had done, reaching for the front of Corpse's soft worn jeans. “Can I take yours off too?”

Corpse made a vaguely assenting noise. Sykkuno didn't move. He looked up at Corpse's face questioningly. “Um, that was definitely a yes, right?”

Something like appreciation flashed in Corpse's eyes. He smiled. “Yes.” 

“Good.” Maybe it was odd to ask, because Corpse had already agreed to the shower, but it made him feel better. Sykkuno got Corpse's button undone easily, but the fabric was too tight around Corpse's thighs. Corpse had to laugh and wriggle his legs free on his own.

“Fuckin' skinny jeans,” he said, kicking them aside carelessly. 

Sykkuno didn't hear. Corpse was a little bit more well-covered – he was in traditional boxers, fit looser than Sykkuno's briefs – but there was no mistaking the bulge in the front, and also no question that what was inside was _big._ The sight was mesmerizing. A million thoughts flashed through Sykkuno's head, too many to focus on, but they were all centered around the same thing - _god_ , he wanted, wanted so much it scared him a little.

They looked at each other, wordless. 

Sykkuno's cock was a hot, heavy pulsing weight between his legs. He reached out to clumsily grab at Corpse again, wanting him back against him. This time, they were slow, almost like they were afraid of doing something to break the magic. 

Sykkuno moaned as he felt Corpse's cock rubbing up against his own. Even through the thin cotton, the heat of him was shocking. Corpse rolled his hips with a quiet noise, almost a whimper. 

_I want to see. God, I want it so bad._ Sykkuno stroked his hands down Corpse's chest, over his stomach, followed the line of hair beneath his navel and said “Can I take these off too?”

“Oh, now I have to go first?” 

Sykkuno knew Corpse was just teasing him, but he still flushed. “Um. Well, you definitely don't _have_ to, but I – um – I can take mine off first if you want?”

Corpse laughed, throaty and deep. “I mean – no, I got this. Hold on.” There was desire in his eyes but Sykkuno thought he could see a glimmer of uncertainty, too. He remembered how nervous Corpse had been to even just take his jeans off to sleep in the OTV house.

Sykkuno moved his hands away from the tempting waistband of Corpse's boxers. “It's okay,” he said. “Take your time. I mean, I could just look at you like this forever. Or, um, maybe not _forever_ , but a really long time.”

“Really?”

Sykkuno looked at him and wondered what Corpse saw in the mirror. Didn't he see how gorgeous he was? Was he able to see any of the same rugged beauty that Sykkuno did, or did he just see all the flaws he thought existed? 

Sykkuno had always done the same. He could clearly remember the first time someone had told him that he had nice arms – and had the others in the room voice their agreement. He'd gone home that day, and looked in the mirror, and for the first time he didn't just see the same old plain face and skinny body. He'd noticed his arms too, for the first time, even though the toned muscles had always been there. And from then on it had always made him smile to remember the compliment.

“I love your shoulders,” Sykkuno said. “And your back, and your arms. And, um.” He tried not to blush as he ran his fingertips over Corpse's chest and over his nipples. 

Corpse gasped and twitched, sucking air through his teeth.

“They're sensitive, huh?”

“Y-yeah.” Corpse gulped air as Sykkuno repeated the motion. “Oh my God.”

“I like that. A lot. Um.” Sykkuno bit his lip and dared to reach around Corpse's hips again, cupping his ass. “And I like this too.”

“Yeah?” Corpse asked, huskily. He moved at the slightest touch, allowing Sykkuno to pull their bodies together again. 

Sykkuno could go on forever. _I like the way you get flustered. I love the way you say my name. I love the way you look at me._ But instead he just gathered up all his courage and looked into Corpse's eyes. 

With one quick push his briefs fell from his hips.

“Oh my _God_ ,” Corpse said again.

Sykkuno wasn't really thinking. He definitely wasn't trying to put on a show or be sexy or anything – he didn't know how to do any of that. But the ache in his groin was becoming almost too much, and he was losing control. He had to palm himself just to take the edge off, he couldn't help it. And it felt so good that he found himself curling his hand around his cock, stroking it lightly like he did when he was alone. A sigh fell from his mouth and he leaned his head back against the wall. 

“Are you trying to kill me?” Corpse asked hoarsely.

“Oh, no, I – I didn't mean – I just couldn't help it. You just look so good, Corpse.”

Corpse made a strangled noise. Before Sykkuno could blink Corpse was naked too, and Corpse was pulling him into his arms like he was drowning and needed something to cling to. 

Their cocks slid together and Sykkuno cried out at the new and much more tantalizing friction. He looked down, eyes wide, and stared at Corpse's hardness.

It was _thick_ , a little darker and ruddier than the rest of him, the head flushed nearly purple with arousal. Sykkuno curved upward but Corpse's jutted straight out. The veins were raised, giving his shaft an alluring texture. He was hairier than Sykkuno, but Sykkuno thought it looked like he'd shaved around the edges. There was a faint dusting of hair on his thighs too. And his thighs – his thighs looked so soft and inviting. Everything about him was perfect. 

Sykkuno stared until Corpse swallowed audibly and said, “Is this – is it okay?”

“More than okay. Oh jesus, Corpse, I've never – this is – oh _jesus._ ” When he looked over Corpse's shoulder at the mirror, he could see Corpse's bare ass. He couldn't decide where to look.

“Okay. Okay, good.” Corpse inhaled sharply and mimicked Sykkuno, taking himself in hand, but instead of stroking he lined it up with Sykkuno's cock and guided them together again. This time there was a slight slick to the friction. Sykkuno watched as Corpse gave himself a light squeeze, a bead of moisture forming at the tip.

“Can I touch it?” Sykkuno asked timidly. He wasn't sure if he knew anything about how to make it feel good for someone else, but he wanted to try.

“God, yes. Please.”

It felt heavy in his hand. Sykkuno gasped. It should be familiar – he had one too, after all – but it definitely wasn't. It felt like steel wrapped in velvet. He stroked the soft skin. _I can feel it pulsing_ , he thought with wonder. He could feel Corpse panting too, could hear his little moan, breathy in Sykkuno's ear.

Sykkuno fumbled at Corpse's hand, prying his fingers from his hip, and brought it clumsily to his own aching cock.

“Please?” he whispered.

Corpse closed his fingers around him and said, “Oh” dazedly.

Time seemed to move in a funny way. The rest of the world disappeared and there was nothing but Corpse, nothing but the scent of sweat and salt and musk, nothing but the all-encompassing pleasure of Corpse's hand and the sound of Corpse's ragged breathing. Sykkuno's tentative grip became more firm and sure and his hand sped up. Corpse took his cues from him and matched the pace.

“If you keep doing that I'm going to – ” Corpse cut himself off with a sharp groan as Sykkuno's thumb rubbed over the slick head.

“Oh, but isn't that – isn't that the point?”

Corpse swore under his breath and grabbed himself at the base of his shaft, squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them again he looked slightly more in control. “Well, if we're going to make a mess, maybe we should be in the shower.”

Sykkuno had forgotten what they were even supposed to be doing. “That makes sense.”

“Wait there. Let me turn it on.” 

The loss of contact was disappointing, but watching Corpse bend down to turn on the faucet was a good enough distraction. 

Corpse straightened up and caught him staring. His grin was shy but Sykkuno could tell he was feeling more comfortable with himself. “Water's good. Come in.”

Sykkuno followed Corpse. He had a fancy shower, the kind where the water was coming out of the wall and from a big fixture overhead that was wide enough for both of them to stand beneath the cascade. The temperature was perfect, the heat sapping the tension out of his muscles and leaving him feeling all loose and pliable.

Corpse's black hair was much longer when wet, and he had to shake it out of his eyes. The sight of water beading on his pale skin was the most beautiful thing Sykkuno had ever seen.

“Fuck, you're gorgeous, Sykkuno.”

Sykkuno giggled. “I was just gonna say the same thing about you.”

“Can I, um – ” 

“Touch me again?” Sykkuno finished hopefully.

Corpse's eyes flickered down to Sykkuno's erection. Sykkuno watched him swallow hard. 

“Hold on,” he said. “I'm – I want to, but I'm trying to make this last.”

“Oh,” Sykkuno said, disappointed. But then Corpse lathered up soap in his hands and started to massage his shoulders, and Sykkuno's eyes slid closed. “Oh, okay, that's good too.”

“Fuck yeah it is.” 

Corpse's soapy hands roamed up to his neck, down the length of his arms, up his stomach and chest and around to his back. His touch was reverent, and Sykkuno felt – he felt almost _worshiped._

He could get used to this.

Sykkuno made a little noise and thrust his hips forward when Corpse came close to his cock, but Corpse only gave him one teasing stroke before continuing on down his thighs. 

It didn't take long for Sykkuno to join in. They explored each other in the soft hum of the shower, slippery hands squeezing and manipulating flesh, bubbles swirling at their feet. It wasn't quite as good as Corpse's hand on his dick but it was sweet and intimate all the same. Corpse wanted to take things slow, and maybe it was a good idea. 

“I could wash your back,” Sykkuno said, his heart somewhere up in his throat. “Turn around?”

Corpse gave him a knowing smirk. “You can reach my back from here, can't you?”

Sykkuno blushed. “But it would be easier if you turned around, right?”

“You're not subtle.”

“No,” Sykkuno agreed. “But I think you kinda like it.”

Corpse laughed appreciatively and turned, giving Sykkuno his back. 

Sykkuno kept his hands high up near Corpse's shoulders at first. He kneaded the muscles on either side of his neck, startled by how much tension Corpse seemed to carry there. But the harder he rubbed, the more the knots loosened. Corpse dropped his head forward and let out a beautiful moan. The timbre of his voice was amplified in the shower.

Sykkuno felt proud of himself for being able to make Corpse feel good. He trailed his hands down Corpse's back, keeping parallel to his spine, leaving soapy bubbles on the slick wet skin. When he got to the swell of Corpse's hips, Corpse arched back into his touch and moaned again.

The shower was already hot but Sykkuno swore he felt the temperature rise. He glanced down at himself, at the hard rosy pink curve of his cock straining up towards his belly. And then he looked at the pale rounded ass, inches away, and the juxtaposition made him feel oddly dizzy.

He put a hand in the dip at the base of Corpse's spine, fingers splayed over his skin, and watched the suds trail down into his the cleft of his ass.

“You want me to do yours?”

“What?” Sykkuno realized that he'd frozen in place. 

“Your back. You want me to...?”

“Oh! Oh, um, sure.” Sykkuno turned obediently. And he didn't want to fall, so he put his hands on the shower wall and leaned forward slightly to brace himself.

“What the fuck,” Corpse said weakly.

“Hm?” He bent a little more, arching like Corpse had. “Better?”

“You know exactly what you're doing to me, don't you?” 

“But I'm not doing anything.” 

Corpse grabbed Sykkuno's ass firmly. “You _know._ ”

“M-maybe.” Sykkuno tipped his head forward and gasped as Corpse's big hands moved over him, from his thighs to his shoulders and back again. It was good – more than good – it was sublime – but it was rapidly becoming not enough. But Corpse seemed to be enjoying himself, and there was something exciting about relishing the wait, too.

And so Sykkuno waited until things started to edge from desperate to painful. He turned back around and pressed himself against Corpse's hip, rolling his hips and shuddering at the slide of his cock on Corpse's wet skin.

“Can I touch you again yet?” Sykkuno asked eagerly.

“Hold on.”

Sykkuno frowned. “What, how come?”

“I'm trying to steel myself up for something. Don't distract me – give me a second. Oh fuck.”

“Like what?”

Corpse breathed deep. “I – I want to – uh.”

Sykkuno didn't get it. “You can do whatever you want,” he offered, and then bit his lip. “Um, most things, at least.” 

Corpse stared at him wildly for what seemed like an eternity, and then he dropped to his knees.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said, and then, in a much higher pitch. “Oh! Corpse – ”

“Can I? Please?”

The _please_ hit Sykkuno harder than he would have ever thought. 

“U-um, I – it might be kinda embarrassing, I don't think I'll last very long, but – ” God, Corpse looked incredible on his knees. He was happy that Corpse had an anti-slip mat, so it wouldn't hurt him too much to be down there. “Oh jesus, Corpse, yes, okay, _yes._ ”

The first touch of Corpse's tongue made him whimper. Sykkuno took deep breaths as he watched, thinking Corpse would take it slow, but after the first taste Corpse just opened up and took him in.

Sykkuno had never felt anything half as good as the wet slick heat suddenly enveloping his cock. He gasped, almost inhaling water, and thrust his hand out to brace against the wall. The sight of Corpse's mouth around his cock was too much, too good, too unbelievable.

“Oh, oh, _please_ ,” Sykkuno whimpered, shaking as he tried to keep still. He didn't want Corpse to choke. He didn't want to do anything that might make him stop. 

Corpse's mouth was velvet, it was sin, it was sweeter than anything Sykkuno had ever felt before. His tongue laved up the underside of his shaft, and when he pulled off he lapped across the sensitive head almost reverently. 

Sykkuno couldn't breathe, couldn't think. _I never knew it was like this._ Corpse had one hand around the base of his cock, and his other hand pet at Sykkuno's thigh, his hip, pawing at him like he couldn't get enough. 

“You look so good,” Sykkuno managed a complete sentence by pure luck. Corpse's hair was all in his face, dripping water in his eyes, so Sykkuno reached down and tried to gather it up in his hand. “You look so hot right now.”

Corpse gave a throaty moan that turned Sykkuno's knees to jelly. 

_Oh,_ Sykkuno thought dazedly. _His hair._

Cautious, he gave a gentle tug. Corpse moaned again, the muffled sound almost as good as the vibration of his mouth, and started to bob his head in earnest.

The urge to thrust his hips forward was powerful but Sykkuno made himself hold back. It took every inch of restraint in him. Corpse strained forward anyway until Sykkuno felt his cock bump up against the back of his throat. Sykkuno cried out, and Corpse choked wetly but didn't stop. 

“You don't have to – ” Sykkuno tried, and pulled at Corpse's hair. That only encouraged him. The pressure around Sykkuno's cock tightened. Corpse's cheeks had gone hollow as he sucked _hard_ , lips sliding up and down. 

It was so good that Sykkuno could barely believe it. He watched his cock sliding in and out of Corpse's mouth with wide eyes, making noises he would be embarrassed about if he could hear them. Corpse looked _wild_ , he looked hypnotized, eyelashes fluttering like his eyes were rolling back into his head – and between his legs, his cock was twitching, like doing this was feeling good for him too.

“Oh jesus,” Sykkuno practically sobbed out, like a dam breaking. “I'm g-going to – Corpse, hold on, you're about to make me – ”

Corpse pulled off, eyes shut tight against the water flowing down from his bangs. “You want to do it in my mouth or on my face?”

Sykkuno gaped at him. “I – I don't – I've never thought – what do _you_ want?” 

“I want to taste you. I bet you taste so fucking good.”

Sykkuno had no idea if that was true, but Corpse sounded so wrecked and desperate that he couldn't say no. He wanted to give Corpse exactly what he wanted. He would do _anything_ for Corpse, he knew that now, especially if he meant that he would get to do this again. 

“Okay,” Sykkuno managed. “Okay, um – I'll warn you.”

Corpse hummed his agreement and took him back in, his hand stroking what he couldn't fit in his mouth, his tongue working hard. His earlier rhythm seemed off, and when Sykkuno looked down he saw why. Corpse's hand was between his own legs, working his cock up and down in a blur. 

The sight of Corpse pleasuring himself with his mouth full of Sykkuno's cock was what did it for him. 

“ _Corpse –_ ” The name wrenched from his throat, high pitched and broken. 

Corpse heard him and shuddered. He said something, muffled and thick, but to Sykkuno's ears it sounded like “Please.”

Stars burst behind his eyes as he came into the tight suction of Corpse's mouth, over his tongue and down his throat, and God, he could feel Corpse swallowing it down. 

Sykkuno's cry echoed off the tiles and he yanked at Corpse's hair. He felt like a live wire, sparks exploding in every direction, his body singing. The pleasure rocked him from head to toe, wave after wave of it until he barely knew where he was anymore. Corpse had eased up on the pressure but he was still stroking him slowly, milking every last drop into his soft willing mouth. 

_He likes it,_ Sykkuno thought in wonder. _He likes doing this. I can feel him moaning._

The force of his orgasm made his eyes close, but Sykkuno wrenched them open just in time to see Corpse's body twitch and jerk, his cock spurting thick white ropes onto Sykkuno's legs. 

Sykkuno thought that Corpse never looked more beautiful than in that moment – his slack mouth still full, muscles tensed, his hair a wild mess as he shuddered his way through an orgasm that looked just as intense as the one he'd coaxed from Sykkuno.

And when it was over, Corpse let Sykkuno fall from his mouth as he slumped to the side, breathing as hard as if he'd run a marathon.

Sykkuno found his voice. “Are you okay? Corpse, that was – oh jesus – are you okay?”

“'M fine.” Corpse sounded sleepy but sated. “More than fine.” 

His lips were red, and maybe a little bit swollen. _Because of me_ , Sykkuno thought, and that gave him a sharp pleasant thrill. He offered a hand to help Corpse to his feet.

Corpse felt boneless. His head lolled onto Sykkuno's shoulder and Sykkuno held him, their hearts beating wildly together. Beneath Sykkuno's hands, Corpse's back heaved as he breathed deeply. Sykkuno unconsciously mirrored him, in through his nose and out through his mouth, letting the steam and heat wash over them both until they came back down to Earth. 

“Was I good?” Corpse mumbled against his shoulder. “I tried to make it good.”

“Are you joking? Corpse, you were amazing. I've never – well, you know I've never – but I don't think anything could ever feel better than that.”

“I've never done it before either,” Corpse admitted, and Sykkuno thought he sounded ridiculously shy considering what he'd just done. “Not from the uh, giving end at least.”

“Oh, well, um. I think you're just naturally talented then,” Sykkuno said, and that got him a chuckle. “I was a little worried that you were going to choke.”

“Mm,” Corpse said. “Maybe I wanted to.”

“ _What?_ ” Sykkuno spluttered, but then he laughed. “Well, um, I guess that makes sense, since your song – um.”

Corpse laughed too. He sounded drunk, his voice loose and almost drowsy. “Told you, I'm fuckin' predictable.”

“I don't think you're predictable. I mean, I definitely didn't expect you to just, ah – just do that for me.”

“I didn't plan on that either,” Corpse said, almost sheepishly. “I just really wanted to make you feel good.”

“Well, you definitely did.” That was an understatement. 

“Good.” Corpse's face was pink, whether from the heat or embarrassment Sykkuno didn't know. “I enjoyed it too.”

“Oh yeah, I – I could kinda tell. And um, watching you make yourself feel good – that was pretty hot.” Sykkuno didn't know where he found the courage to add, “I loved watching you come.”

“Jesus, Sy.” Corpse sounded like the words had punched the air from his lungs. 

They kissed beneath the torrent of water. Sykkuno could faintly taste himself on Corpse's tongue, and as sated as he was, the memories it stirred up almost made him want to push Corpse down on his knees and do it all over again.

“Should we get out of here?” Corpse asked when they parted.

“I still have to wash your hair,” Sykkuno pointed out.

Corpse smiled, a lovely soft smile with his gorgeous reddened mouth and heavy-lidded eyes. “You're still gonna help me with that?”

“I really want to.”

“I'm your canvas,” Corpse mumbled as Sykkuno looked at all the bottles of hair stuff that Corpse kept in his shower caddy. “Do whatever you want. Paint me like one of your French girls, Jack.”

He wasn't making sense. “You still with me, Corpse?”

“Barely.” Corpse tilted his head back and groaned as Sykkuno massaged his scalp. “That feels so good.”

“Does it?” Sykkuno hoped he wouldn't get shampoo in Corpse's eyes or something and ruin this. He took extra care around Corpse's face, keeping the suds off his forehead. 

“Yeah. You're good at this.” Corpse still sounded tipsy. “I love your hands on me.”

“Well, I like my hands on you too.”

Corpse giggled at that. “So what other talents are you hiding from me?”

Sykkuno angled Corpse's body so that the cascade of water flowed over his hair, washing the suds down his back and down the drain. “Is washing hair a talent?”

“It is when you do it.”

Sykkuno felt himself smiling. “I think you're just being kinda loopy, Corpse.”

“Not my fault.” Corpse sighed and rolled his shoulders back as Sykkuno used his fingers to comb conditioner through his locks. “You fuckin' wrecked me.”

“I think it was the other way around,” Sykkuno said, shy but honest, and Corpse turned and gave him that soft smile again.

“Good.” 

Sykkuno put his arms around Corpse's waist. Corpse leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, and the two of them stayed there, just like that, trading breaths.

Everything seemed to have gone soft around the edges. Sykkuno had never felt so close to someone before. He was almost afraid to move too fast or raise his voice lest he shatter the spell they seemed to be floating in together. The heat was sinking into his muscles and bones, dissolving the last remnants of his worries and fears and his self-doubt. He felt like he was on top of the world – flying, soaring, ecstatic – and his heart was so full he was almost scared it would burst.

“I'm so glad this happened,” Corpse breathed. His arms were trembling. “I'm so glad you're here with me.”

“Me too.” Sykkuno hugged him tighter. He was already sad that he'd have to leave tomorrow or at least soon. He never wanted to let Corpse go. He never wanted this feeling to end.

If time could freeze, Sykkuno would be content to stay here forever, just like this.


	9. ix.

Logically, Sykkuno knew it was still the same day. Well, technically speaking, it was after midnight, so it was really already tomorrow – but the principle stood. Today, he'd woken up with Corpse, in the big guest bedroom at the new OTV house. And it was only yesterday that he'd met Corpse in person for the first time. 

Just yesterday. It couldn't be. Corpse's face was already written into the grooves of his memory, his presence etched into his heart. It seemed like they'd known each other for years instead of months.

Or maybe that was just because somebody had finally come into Sykkuno's life to break his habit of taking forever to open up.

And just like yesterday Sykkuno was sitting in bed, waiting for Corpse to finish brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Corpse's bed was a lot nicer than the one in the OTV guest bedroom, and the sheets didn't smell like just soap and the vague impersonal scent of fabric softener. They smelled clean, but they smelled like Corpse. Sykkuno snuggled down into the covers and smiled to himself.

Corpse didn't make him wait for long. He appeared in the doorway, shirtless, his pajama pants slung low on his hips. His wet hair was starting to curl up again as it dried. 

“You look comfy,” Corpse said, leaning against the doorframe.

“I am. Your bed's really nice.”

“You look good in my bed.”

“I do? What does that mean?” Sykkuno laughed. “I mean, I think you looked good on my bed too, when you came up to my room. But yours is a lot nicer.”

Corpse stared a moment longer, like he was trying to commit the sight to memory. Then he snarled out a yawn and said, “It's cold in here.”

“Is it?” Sykkuno hadn't noticed, even though he was in just his underwear. His mind was too full of other things. Every time he looked at Corpse's mouth, he felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. “Well, maybe it's because you're all the way over there?”

Anyone else probably would have groaned, but Corpse laughed. He seemed to find all of Sykkuno's jokes funny, even the ones that Sykkuno knew were lame. 

“I can fix that,” Corpse said, and wriggled out of his pajama pants to climb into bed.

“That feels a lot better.”

Corpse's thigh brushed against his. “I think so, too.”

“Good.” Sykkuno tugged the blankets up over them both, happy to share his body heat. He rolled on his side to look at Corpse. “You do feel kind of cold.”

“Oh, really?” Corpse grinned and pressed his hand against Sykkuno's back. It _was_ cold and Sykkuno made an embarrassing noise that was almost a squeak. 

“Corpse!”

Corpse laughed. “Sorry, babe.” 

“Babe?” The thrill of that new nickname distracted Sykkuno from the shock. He let out a shaky breath. Corpse's touch turned gentle as he stroked his fingertips down Sykkuno's back from his neck to tailbone.

“Just slipped out,” Corpse murmured quietly. Was he embarrassed? Sykkuno couldn't tell. “If you don't like it...”

“No,” Sykkuno said immediately. “I like it.”

“I've never called anybody that before,” Corpse mused, his fingers brushing over Sykkuno's ribs. “Not in a serious way, at least. I never thought I would want to.” 

“What do you mean? Didn't you ever want to find somebody, to date, or...”

“Not really,” Corpse confessed. “Not after everything that happened. I like being alone. Or...I used to.”

“I did,” Sykkuno said. “I wanted it, but I never thought it would happen. I don't usually like meeting new people. And it was always kind of confusing. In college I had some friends and they all seemed obsessed with girls, but I just didn't care.”

“You think you aren't into girls at all?”

“I don't think it's that. I don't know, though. I mean, if you were a girl I'd like you just as much, I think. Is that weird? That sounds weird.”

Corpse chuckled quietly. “I don't think it's weird.”

“Good. I meant it in a good way. I guess I don't know what I am or what I like. I don't know all the different labels and stuff and I don't really care.”

“Fuck labels,” Corpse agreed. “Labels are useless. Unless they empower you.” 

Sykkuno nodded. “All I know is that I like you. What about you?”

“Some girls are hot. Some guys are hot. I like looking. I can appreciate someone's looks or aesthetic or whatever.” Corpse resumed his lazy movements of his fingertips across Sykkuno's back. “It didn't go any further than that. Not until I met you.”

“What was different about me?”

“Everything,” Corpse said softly.

It was a simple answer, a simple word, but the way he said it was layered with meaning. He didn't need to elaborate. Somehow, Sykkuno understood him completely.

“Does this feel good?” Corpse asked after a beat.

“Yeah. Tickles a bit, but it's nice. Soothing.”

“Good.” Corpse kept going, drawing patterns, keeping the pressure feather-light. “Your skin is so soft.”

Sykkuno closed his eyes and floated on the sensation. His thoughts drifted like fluffy clouds, lazy and directionless, only grounded by the zinging electrical touch on his back. He thought about all the ways Corpse was able to touch him, soft and tentative or firm and sure, and the way his body reacted to it all. Corpse's touch was to his body what music was to his head and heart, and Sykkuno would never get tired of it. It was crazy that he'd gone so many years without knowing what it was like to touch and be touched. It was crazy that Corpse's hands were already so familiar.

“Does this make you sleepy?” Corpse asked, his fingers splaying out at the dip in Sykkuno's spine.

“Sleepy?” Sykkuno opened his eyes. Corpse was gazing at him beneath his fan of thick eyelashes. No matter how dark it was, those eyes always seemed to shine. “Um, I am kinda tired, but not from this. You make me feel a lot of things, but sleepy isn't really one of them.”

Corpse laughed appreciatively. “Sometimes it helps me drift off. Having someone draw on my back like this. It used to, anyway. Obviously nobody's done it in a long time.”

“Oh, I can see that. It feels kind of nice and relaxing. I'm just thinking too hard to feel tired right now.” 

“What are you thinking so hard about, Sykkuno?”

“You,” Sykkuno said, without really thinking.

One black brow quirked up. “Oh yeah?” Corpses asked, his voice reverberating like a purr. 

Sykkuno blushed. “Oh, um, I'll be honest, it wasn't anything like that. I mean, of course I'm still thinking about, you know, but also...oh, I don't know. I was just thinking about how crazy it is that we just met in person yesterday.”

Corpse stilled. “You think we're moving too fast?”

“No, no,” Sykkuno rushed to reassure him. “I'm, um, definitely not complaining about that. It's just more like...I feel like it's been a lot longer.”

Corpse relaxed. “Oh.” 

“We just woke up together for the first time this morning. It's like time is moving really slowly. You know what I mean?”

“Not at all,” Corpse said, his voice suddenly thick. “To me it feels like it's moving too fast. I wish it would slow the fuck down.”

“How come?”

Corpse leaned his head forward onto Sykkuno's shoulder, his damp curls cool on his skin. “I don't want to think about how I have to bring you home tomorrow.”

That words hit Sykkuno harder than he would have thought. It was the first of the many inevitable goodbyes.

It wouldn't be forever, of course. They'd already promised each other that they'd see each other again. That they were something now, a couple, with all the unspoken promises that came along with that commitment. Sykkuno had been doing good at not thinking about it, He'd already gone two days without streaming, and while he didn't have a boss or anything making him come into work, he had obligations – not just to his viewers but to his friends, too. 

“I'm sorry,” Sykkuno said. “I wish we had more time. If we had planned this I would have made more time.”

“Fuck, no, don't be sorry. You have shit to do. I do, too.” Corpse's fingers were shaky, unpredictable, his movements like jagged spikes but still whisper soft.

“I'll come back as soon as I can. As soon as you want to come get me.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“This weekend,” Corpse said slowly, like he was trying to sound offhand about it. “Are you busy?”

“I don't think so. Not yet, anyway.”

“I know you don't normally take two days off of streaming...”

“Only because I don't have anything else to do. You know me, I don't really leave my house.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that.”

Sykkuno kind of wanted to hear Corpse ask the question, but he could also hear the nervousness in the man's voice. So he said, “Can you come pick me up? Maybe on Friday evening or something?”

“Yes,” Corpse said immediately. “I can come. I can take you somewhere. For coffee, or – or that tea place you like. I can. I _will._ ”

“I really don't mind if we don't go anywhere,” Sykkuno said honestly. “I just want to see you.”

Corpse let out a slow breath. The patterns he was drawing on Sykkuno's skin turned soft and circular, losing their jagged edges. 

“Friday,” he said, like he wanted to make sure it was set in stone.

“Friday,” Sykkuno agreed softly. “That's not so far away.”

Corpse's fingers slowed, and his palm spread out flat on Sykkuno's skin, pressing down like he wanted to feel Sykkuno's heartbeat. “Not so far away,” he repeated. “That makes me feel...a lot better. I was almost scared to go to sleep because it felt like I'd be wasting the time I had left with you.”

“We still have tomorrow,” Sykkuno pointed out. “Maybe you can drive me back in the evening or something. We can have lunch together, watch another movie, whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want,” Corpse repeated, as if to himself. “Yeah. Lunch. I'll cook something.”

“That sounds fun. We should try to get some sleep so we're well rested.”

Corpse hummed his agreement and closed his eyes.

“Do you want to be a little spoon again, Corpse?”

“Yes,” Corpse said immediately, almost before Sykkuno could get the question out. 

That made Sykkuno giggle. He laughed harder when Corpse flipped over onto his side and curled up with a cute little huffed noise.

“You look like a little shrimp or something,” Sykkuno told him, shuffling up closer so he could put his arm around Corpse's waist. 

“Of course I'm a shrimp.” Corpse wriggled back until he was pressed firmly against Sykkuno's chest. “Everyone knows I'm a shrimp for you.”

“Everyone? Oh, um, I guess so. But I think they say that about a lot of people, don't they?”

“Hmm,” Corpse said, his tone dropping into a teasing lilt. “Are you trying to make me jealous, Sykkuno?” 

The thought that Corpse could be jealous of anyone, even as a joke, made Sykkuno smile. “You definitely don't have to be jealous.”

“I don't _have_ to be, but I might be anyway.”

“The others are just meme-ing, or something. You know how it is for me, Corpse.”

“Sykkuno, don't you dare.” 

“What? I was just going to say that people aren't – ” 

“ _Sykkuno._ ”

Sykkuno fought to keep his smile out of his voice. “No, no, you don't get it. See, people aren't into me, because people is plural, and since there's only one person...”

“I'm definitely not the only one who's into you.”

“Well, maybe you're right, but you're the only one I care about.”

Corpse made a soft noise. “If you keep being this fucking cute, I'm not going to be able to sleep.”

“Maybe I can return the favour?” Sykkuno offered. 

“Return the favour?”

“Well, you said that having someone draw on your back makes you sleepy, right? I can do that for you.” Sykkuno pulled back so he could get his arm between them. He placed his fingers on the jut of Corpse's shoulder blade and trailed them across his skin. “Like this?”

Corpse shivered. Goose bumps appeared on his arms. “Yeah. Yeah, just like that.”

Sykkuno wanted to please. He made random spirals, tracing his way from one side to the other, and then drew long lines down and up again. Corpse's skin was warm and dry, smooth to the touch. Down at the bottom of his spine, he had a smattering of sparse, downy hair, barely visible. Sykkuno could almost feel Corpse's muscles softening, the tension dissolving with every stroke.

He grew tired of making circles and wrote his name, scrawling the letters in big loopy cursive font. The idea of his name written on Corpse's skin was appealing, somehow. _Mine,_ Sykkuno thought, gazing affectionately at the soft locks of hair curling around Corpse's ears. Pale as he was, Sykkuno could see a faint white line around Corpse's throat, and he almost laughed to himself when he realized that it was a tan line from the silver chain he normally wore. 

“Is that your name?” Corpse mumbled.

Sykkuno snapped out of his daze. “Oh, you can tell?”

“Yeah. S'nice. Writing on me. I like that.” Corpse's verbal ability seemed to slip when he was relaxed. “Makes me feel...I don't know. But I like it.”

Sykkuno wrote it again. He liked the way the letters flowed, the big figure eight of the S and the looping lowercase y. He wrote his own first name too, but it didn't have the same easy feel. 

“What about that? Can you tell what that was?”

“Missed it. Do it again,” Corpse said dreamily, and Sykkuno did.

“Six letters,” Sykkuno offered as a hint. 

“Thomas,” Corpse murmured, and Sykkuno wasn't expecting how much he liked hearing it in Corpse's voice. He felt like the air had been knocked out of his chest.

“Yeah,” Sykkuno breathed back. His head was swimming. “You're, um, you're good at this. You got it really fast.”

“You're good at this, too.”

“Good at what, writing in cursive? I mean, anybody could do it.”

“Have you seen my fuckin' handwriting?”

“I'm sure it's not _that_ bad.”

“You haven't seen it, then.” 

“Well – no,” Sykkuno had to confess, and Corpse's back shook as he laughed. “Want to guess another one?”

“Mm. Yeah.”

It was strange how something so simple could feel so intimate. Sykkuno wrote _Corpse_ first, which was easy, but then it took four tries for Corpse to laugh and say, “Bingus” in delight. 

Sykkuno loved that laugh. He loved being here, warm and wanted and wonderfully connected. The game was kind of silly, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, it was nobody's business but theirs. If it made Corpse smile and laugh, Sykkuno would stay up half the night to keep going. If something made Corpse feel good, Sykkuno would do anything to make it happen.

Something was making Sykkuno's pulse race. Something in his chest was building to a crescendo, gathering up like a wave on the verge of cresting, too big to be contained or slowed or stopped.

It came to him slowly at first and then all at once. There was a way to express what he was feeling – Sykkuno knew the words – but saying them felt like jumping off a cliff without knowing if there was water below to break his fall. 

“You still awake, baby?” Corpse asked again from somewhere far away.

Sykkuno swallowed. His hand shook. 

“Um,” he said. “Yeah.”

“Give me another one?” 

“Okay,” Sykkuno breathed, swallowing hard.

And across the broad expanse of Corpse's shoulders, he wrote, _I love you._

Corpse went still as a statue, and Sykkuno held his breath.

“I,” Corpse started, his voice coming from somewhere in his throat. “Maybe I didn't – can you do that again?”

Sykkuno did. And then again. This time he dropped the cursive, dropped the pretext that he was doing this as a game. The letters were big and blocky, unmistakable. 

Corpse suddenly rolled onto his back. His eyes had lost their sleepy look. 

“Sykkuno,” he said thickly, and then, “Thomas...”

The name shook him, thrilled him to his core. Sykkuno wanted to say it. Corpse was looking at him, questioning, lovely, longing. And still, Sykkuno couldn't speak. His face flushed and his head spun. Corpse's eyes glittered like stars, his blown pupils like inky pools. 

When Sykkuno met his gaze, it felt like he was drowning.

“I,” he managed. Why was it so hard to say? “Corpse, I...”

“Do you really mean it?”

Sykkuno swallowed again. “Yeah. I know we just – I know it hasn't been very long but – I really do.” 

“I love you, too.” There was a desperate edge to Corpse's voice, like the words had been waiting in his throat. “I love you.”

Sykkuno’s heart spilled open in his chest and suddenly the air seemed too thick to breathe. He leaned his head forward and pressed a kiss between Corpse's shoulders. And then Corpse was turning, rolling gracelessly over until the were face to face, so close that their noses were brushing. In the cold blue light of the moonbeams shining through the window, Corpse's face had an almost ethereal beauty. He looked like a painting. Like something that didn't belong in this world at all.

When they kissed, the world around them seemed to dissolve into darkness. In the dark, it was easy to be brave. Corpse lifted his chin, baring his white throat, and Sykkuno couldn't help but kiss it. 

“Oh,” he heard Corpse rumble. His pulse was racing, beating steadily against Sykkuno's mouth.

Sykkuno thought of his name written across Corpse's back. He closed his mouth over Corpse's pulse point and sucked gently at his skin, overcome with the taste of him. Corpse moaned sharply and grabbed at Sykkuno's arm.

“Sykkuno – oh jesus – ”

“That's my line,” Sykkuno teased, and grazed his teeth lightly over where his mouth had been.

Corpse _whimpered._ Suddenly, the room was a lot warmer than it had been before.

Sykkuno could see the faintest splotch on Corpse's neck, and he wasn't prepared for the surge of possessiveness that seized him. He kissed it apologetically. 

“I think I left a mark,” he said. “I guess I should be more careful with you.”

“You can do whatever the fuck you want to me, Sykkuno.”

“Whatever I want? That's, um, that's a lot of things. I...um, I can't...” It was getting harder to think. He was getting hard again, and it was way too easy to push his hips forward and rub up against Corpse's thigh. Maybe it was embarrassing to get worked up so easily, but he couldn't help it.

Corpse didn't seem to mind. He inhaled sharply and nudged his leg forward, giving Sykkuno better friction.

“I, um, I don't think this is helping you sleep,” Sykkuno gasped.

“I don't care.” Corpse kissed him again, his fingers slipping into Sykkuno's hair. Sykkuno tried to match his ferocity and ended up rolling half on top of him. And Corpse was getting hard too, Sykkuno could feel it, and he could feel the desperation in the way Corpse was grabbing at his back, as if he could pull them even closer together. 

_You can do whatever you want._

“Corpse,” he breathed. “Corpse, I want you so much.”

“Yeah. Fuck. Want you too.”

Sykkuno slipped a hand down between their bodies until he reached the bulge in Corpse's underwear. He cupped the shape of him through the fabric and felt it stiffen and swell beneath his palm. 

Corpse tried to reach for him too, to mirror Sykkuno's touch. It took a lot of self restraint for Sykkuno to grab Corpse's hand and shake his head.

“You don't want me to...?” Corpse started, questioningly.

“I can, um.” Sykkuno stumbled over his words. He wasn't good at verbalizing his desires. It was taking a lot of courage to even think about what he wanted to do. Saying it out loud was somehow even harder.

“Take your time.” Corpse hadn't clued in yet. “Whatever you want, Sy.”

“I think – I – I returned the favour already, the drawing on your back thing. But there was - there's another favour that I could return, too.”

Corpse's body tightened as he realized. “Sykkuno, you don't have to...”

“I know I don't have to. I want to.” Saying it only made him more excited. “I really want to try.”

“Oh my God,” Corpse breathed as Sykkuno pushed the covers aside and went up on his hands and knees, crawling backwards down the bed. “Oh my _God._ ”

It was easy to tug Corpse's boxers down. Knowing what to do next was hard. Corpse seemed to be holding his breath. His cock stood straight up, twitching in the cool air. Sykkuno felt incredibly out of his depth. He was inches away, and didn't know what to do. He only knew that he wanted to make Corpse feel good. How had Corpse done it? 

Carefully, hesitantly, he put one hand around the base and used the other to brace himself upright. 

Corpse whimpered and pushed his hips up into Sykkuno's touch, and that was what did it for him. Sykkuno lowered his head and touched his mouth to the tip, not knowing what to expect. 

It was hot against his mouth, and smooth, and even bigger up close. _It won't fit,_ Sykkuno thought, _not all of it, anyway_ , but maybe that was okay. He tried to think back to what Corpse had done in the shower, but his brain didn't seem to be working right. Sykkuno opened his mouth ever so slightly and let his tongue poke out to have a taste.

Corpse made a strangled sound and clutched at Sykkuno's shoulder. 

“I don't,” Sykkuno started, confusedly. “I don't know how to do this, but – ” 

His face flushed with heat as he gave a firmer lick. He strained his eyes to look up at Corpse for his reaction, and Corpse said “Oh fuck” and grabbed a fistful of sheets.

“It's good?” 

“Good?” Corpse repeated, already hoarse. “You don't even know how hot you look right now, do you?”

Sykkuno didn't, but the compliment gave him the courage to keep going. He slid his tongue up the underside and over the slit, feeling the velvety texture. Corpse's cock pulsed and swelled even further and he let out a soft moan. 

_I'm doing it,_ Sykkuno thought, with a shock of pleasure. _I'm making him feel good._

He looked back up at Corpse for reassurance. “Will you tell me if I'm doing it right?”

Corpse's fingers tightened on his shoulder. “I can, uh. Yeah. I can help. I think.”

“Just tell me what to do.” Sykkuno felt like his head was floating.

He missed the way Corpse's eyes darkened, something wild and possessive taking over his gentle face.

“It's easy,” Corpse breathed. “Just open up for me. Keep your lips over your teeth and just move your head down. You don't have to take it all. Whatever feels comfortable.”

Sykkuno could do that. He opened his mouth and let the head slip inside, and it wasn't scary after all. Sykkuno had thought it would probably taste weird, or be uncomfortably big in his mouth. Instead it just tasted like sex, salt and musk and a little bit of sweet. It felt heavy on his tongue.

“God, that's it, that's perfect, Sy.” Corpse's voice filled his eyes and pulsed through his veins. “Use your tongue – fuck, yes, like that, you've got it.”

The praise did something to Sykkuno. Suddenly he remembered his own cock, neglected and trapped in his underwear. He let go of Corpse and reached down to touch himself.

Corpse hesitated, but only for a second. Then he reached down to grab Sykkuno's arm. His grip was gentle, and when Sykkuno looked at him, the connection was searing.

“You like being told what to do, huh?” Corpse asked, so quietly Sykkuno had to strain to hear him.

But he _understood._ Slowly, he pulled off to say, “Yes.”

“And you know you don't have to obey. Not if you don't want to.”

“I know.”

There was a beat of silence. Corpse swallowed. 

“Then...you can touch yourself later.” And Corpse guided Sykkuno's hand back to his cock. “Keep it there. Touch me. Move your hand with your mouth at the same time.”

 _Oh my god._ Heat blossomed in Sykkuno's stomach. 

He opened up and sank down until his mouth met his own hand. It was hard to use his tongue – his mouth was so _full_ \- but he did his best to flex it and keep a light pressure on the underside of his shaft. It took him a few seconds to catch the rhythm of it. His hand didn't move as smoothly, so without thinking about what he was doing he pulled off to lick his own palm, getting it slick. And this time it was easier, and it was just right, it felt like the most natural thing in the world, maybe even better than touching himself. 

“There you go, you're doing so good,” Corpse murmured, and Sykkuno glowed. “Just keep that up, baby, fuck, you're gonna make me come.”

Corpse's voice had never sounded more beautiful. Sykkuno's nerves were singing, his body hot and prickling. Everything he did pulled another noise of Corpse, another pretty moan or curse. And when he picked up the pace, Corpse whimpered again, and Sykkuno didn't know which he liked more – the cute sounds or the orders being given in that thick gravelly voice. He didn't know, couldn't think. Later he would think back and wonder at the dynamic, how he was being told what to do and yet was so utterly in control of the situation at the same time. But right now there was only one thing in the world, and Sykkuno was consumed by it.

“So fucking gorgeous, Sy, you don't even know, you can't know. Fuck, your mouth really was made for this.”

Corpse found and matched Sykkuno's rhythm, gently rolling his hips, helping Sykkuno bob up and down. He didn't grab Sykkuno's hair or push his head down or get rough. That was considerate, Sykkuno thought vaguely, but he wouldn't mind at all if Corpse did want to be rough. Either way, his movements took some of the pressure off, letting Sykkuno focus on nothing but the velvet slide of Corpse's cock between his lips and the firm hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey, uh.” Corpse's hips stilled. “Wait, I need to ask...”

Sykkuno went wicked, remembering Corpse on his knees in the shower. He slid off of Corpse's cock with a wet sound that would have been embarrassing. 

“In my mouth or on my face?” he quoted.

Corpse said, “Oh my God.”

Sykkuno giggled. “You asked me the same thing.”

“Yeah, but – fuck – I can't – ” Corpse seemed to be trying to pull himself together. His chest heaved. “Sykkuno... you...holy fuck.”

“You're telling me what to do, right? So tell me. Answer me.” 

“Your...mouth,” Corpse finally managed. “In your mouth. So we don't make a fuckin' mess.” He shuddered when Sykkuno went back down on him, but then seemed to hit his stride again. “Fuck, I would, though, I would come all over your pretty little face, you'd look just as hot as you do with your lips around my cock.”

It was Sykkuno's turn to whimper. The sound was muffled, but Corpse heard, and the muscles in his thighs tensed up. The smooth rhythm of his hips began to stutter.

“Keep going, don't stop, come on Sy, that's it, I'm gonna – ”

Sykkuno could feel it before it happened. Corpse's stiff cock somehow swelled even further in his mouth, hot and tight and swollen. His shaft pulsed, and suddenly Sykkuno had to swallow as his mouth filled. He stopped moving his mouth but kept his hand lightly stroking, and it took two more swallows before he felt the pulsing stop. 

Slowly, dazedly, he let go and let himself fall forward with his head resting on Corpse's thigh.

“Come here,” Corpse panted. “Get up here, let me take care of you, baby.”

“I can do it,” Sykkuno tried to insist, but Corpse shook his head. Sykkuno crawled back up beside him and Corpse pushed his hand into Sykkuno's underwear to stroke him.

“You want my mouth again?” Corpse whispered against his ear, but he never got the chance. 

Sykkuno hadn't realized just how worked up he was. With barely two strokes, he was spinning wildly over the edge, blood pounding in his ears as he came messily into Corpse's hand and his own underwear. A high-pitched moan tore from his throat. And then Corpse said “Good boy” as he stroked him through it, and that alone was enough that the aftershocks were almost as powerful as the climax itself. 

When he came back down from the high, shivering and twitching, Corpse wrapped his arms around his chest and kissed him.

“Jesus, Sy, is that all you needed?” Corpse asked, half amazed and half teasing. 

It took a second for Sykkuno to remember how to speak. 

“I, um,” he said, blushing. “I was already really worked up, from the...you know. I think I liked doing it to you, and...well...”

“You have no right to sound this innocent after all that.”

The blush spread to Sykkuno's ears and neck. “I'm not trying to act innocent. I just don't know what to call it. The, um...not what I did with my mouth, but the other stuff. The way we both...what's it called...”

“You mean when I told you what to do.” 

Sykkuno was grateful that Corpse finished for him. “Yeah.”

Corpse exhaled hard. “Fuck, that got me too. I didn't know you were into that kind of thing.”

“I didn't know either. Well, um. Maybe I knew, a little, but not how much I liked it. And I didn't plan on it. I just wanted to return the favour.” 

“I wasn't exactly prepared for it either.” Corpse laughed. “I knew you were full of surprises, but jesus, Sykkuno.”

“But you like that kind of stuff too, right?”

“Uh, not all the time,” Corpse said, and he looked a little pink, too. 

“Right,” Sykkuno nodded, and his belly gave a pleasant squirm. “Um, well, that's good then, because I definitely like it either way.”

“Mm.” Corpse's fingers carded through his hair. “Definitely worth talking about later. I know I'm gonna be thinking about it for a long time.”

“Me too,” Sykkuno confessed. 

“Not right now, though. Right now I just want to rest.”

“I guess I helped make you sleepy after all.”

“You definitely did.”

Sykkuno could have closed his eyes and passed out right there, but the inside of his underwear was uncomfortably sticky. “I think I need to clean up first, I think.”

Corpse's giggle was adorable. “Yeah, you probably do.”

“I'm sorry.”

“What? Don't be. Watching you come was the hottest thing I've ever seen.”

“Really? I didn't feel very...it was kind of fast.” Sykkuno bit his lip. “I was pretty worked up, and then you said that you would...with your mouth, and I...”

“You need to stop being so fucking hot,” Corpse said, “because there's no way I can go again tonight.”

“I mean, well...I'll still be here in the morning, so it doesn't have to be right now.”

Corpse groaned, but he was grinning, too. “I never thought you'd be so insatiable.”

“Well, you know. Full of surprises.” Sykkuno wriggled out of the bed, hiding his grin, and left Corpse wheezing with laughter behind him. Sykkuno felt absurdly proud of himself.

Sykkuno went to the bathroom to clean and change into his extra pair of underwear. His whole body felt like a wrung out washcloth. Corpse went to the kitchen to get him a bottle of water, which helped. The sheets were deliciously warm when they climbed back into bed together, and that helped too.

It shouldn't have been so easy to fall right back into place, with Corpse in front of him and Sykkuno being the big spoon from behind. 

There were a hundred things that he wanted to say, a dozen things he wanted to talk about. But they had tomorrow, and all the time in the world after that. Right now he was on the verge of drifting off to sleep, and more importantly, so was Corpse. There was really only one thing to say that mattered.

“I love you,” Sykkuno said out loud. It came easier this time.

Corpse took his hand and pressed it over his heart. “I love you too,” he said softly, and Sykkuno couldn't see his face but he knew Corpse was smiling.

**

The sun rested on the top of the hills like a beacon. The sky was only just starting to fade from blazing blue to a soft periwinkle. When Corpse turned onto the little side street, the familiar white-painted Mediterranean-style house was all lit up inside, cheery and bright. It had been a chilly day for southern California, and the night was going to be even colder. His parents hadn't turned the porch light on yet but they would have a fire going. Bimbus would be sprawled out in front of it, his big round head on his paws, and his grandma would be brewing a pot of jasmine tea.

Usually when Sykkuno was gone, even for a day, he missed all of those things and couldn't wait for the old familiarity again. But this time, he couldn't muster up much excitement.

“Thanks for the ride,” Sykkuno said as they pulled up in front of his house. His parents' car and his sister's were filling the driveway. “You're sure you don't want to come in? Everyone will be home this time, but...they'd be happy to meet you.”

Corpse hesitated. “Another day,” he said...and it didn't sound like an empty promise. “I want to meet them too.”

But all the same, he turned the car off and walked Sykkuno up the driveway. He tried to carry Sykkuno's backpack for him too, but Sykkuno wouldn't let him. 

“So I'll see you again soon,” Sykkuno asked as they stood on the porch, lingering, neither of them really wanting to part but knowing it was inevitable all the same.

Corpse took a deep breath, but then he smiled. “Friday,” he said. “Yeah. I'll...I'll be here.”

Something else about him was different, Sykkuno thought. Different from the last time he'd stood here, just a day ago. Had it just been a day? That seemed unbelievable. At first Sykkuno couldn't tell what exactly he was seeing. Corpse was in a different outfit, true, and he didn't have his mask on. But that wasn't it at all.

And then it struck him. Corpse looked... _relaxed._ His shoulders were back and his posture was straight. Not stiff, but tall and confident. His hands weren't jammed in his pockets or clenched into fists. 

“I'll miss you,” Corpse said. “A whole fucking lot.”

“I'll miss you, too. But we won't be that far apart. We're going to be playing together tomorrow.”

“It's not the same.”

“Oh, I know.” Sykkuno felt sad too. “But I'm sure it will be fun. It's always more fun when you're there.”

It was hard to imagine going back to the way things had been, with Corpse just a voice in his earbuds and a character on the screen. It was going to be even harder to act like nothing had changed. To just go back to his streaming structure in his parents' backyard, alone.

Corpse was right. It wouldn't be the same. But this time, he had something else besides video games to look forward to.

“And I get to see you soon.” Corpse said like he'd read Sykkuno's mind. “Friday. Just five days away.”

“Friday,” Sykkuno promised. “I'll be ready.”

“Good.” Corpse only hesitated for half a heartbeat before he kissed him right there, in full view of the street and the big window on the door, his arm curling around Sykkuno's waist possessively. 

“Text me when you get home safe,” Sykkuno said when they parted. “Okay?”

“I will.” Corpse's soft smile lit up his eyes. In the light of the sunset, his curls were a halo of violet and gold. Sykkuno would carry that image with him in the days and nights that followed. 

Sykkuno leaned against the white stucco and watched his boyfriend walk slowly to his car. When the door closed, Sykkuno gave a dorky wave that Corpse returned, and even through the windshield he could see Corpse's grin. The engine purred to life. 

He was going – he was pulling out of the driveway – he was driving slowly down the street, leaving Sykkuno behind. The car stopped at the intersection and Sykkuno waved again, feeling silly but not really caring – maybe Corpse was looking back at him in his rear-view mirror, or maybe he wasn't. 

And then the car was turning the corner, and Corpse was gone.

Sykkuno's steps felt heavy as he walked inside. Corpse's absence was a sudden sharp ache. The sky seemed a little less bright, the colours of the sunset muted and dull. Could he ever have felt so happy and whole before? What was he supposed to do with himself now?

But the feeling gradually faded. He put on coffee and unpacked his bag. Corpse had made lunch for them both – he wasn't lying about being able to cook – but he was hungry again, and his sister had left him some leftover dumplings in the fridge. Bimbus was happy to see him. He took a great interest in Sykkuno's backpack. When he sniffed it he wagged his tail as hard as he had when Corpse had petted him and whined.

“I miss him too,” Sykkuno told Bimbus, and pet his curly round head.

There were things to do. There were countless messages from his friends to reply to. A bunch of them were clamoring for him to come play games. Sykkuno started messaging people back, smiling at all the questions about where he'd been all day. Having a secret was fun. He'd tell his close friends eventually, but for now, he didn't have to. Playing a few mindless games of Valorant sounded like just the thing to take his mind off the loneliness. Corpse was still in his mind and in his heart, and he could call up the memories of their time together whenever he wanted.

Corpse laughing at the silliest of Sykkuno's jokes. His arms around Sykkuno's waist. His eyes and his hair and his smile. The slow, hopeful way he'd uttered those three words that made Sykkuno's breath catch in his throat. 

Sykkuno loved it all.

Corpse texted him when he got home as he promised. Sykkuno was playing offstream with a group of his usual friends when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

 _Home safe,_ Corpse had sent, and then not half a minute later, _I miss u already._

Sykkuno's ears went warm. 

_I miss you too, Corpse._

_are you streaming tonight?_

_I think so. Maybe start at 7:30? not sure what I'm playing yet_   
_if its something you like, do you want me to ask if there's room for 1 more on the team?_

Corpse's answer came quickly.

_if you need a fill, i'm down._   
_but I really just want to see your face again._   
_kinda want to fall asleep to the sound of your voice_

_:) I wish I could see you too!_ Sykkuno wrote back.

It was a few minutes before Sykkuno's phone vibrated again. When he opened it, he saw that Corpse had sent him a picture of himself. A selfie. Corpse's eyes looked a little tired, maybe from the long drive, but they were soft and happy. He was smiling, the dimple in his left cheek showing. He was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as he was in person.

The caption was a heart. Simple, and yet...he could almost hear Corpse's voice saying _I love you_.

Sykkuno saved the picture of Corpse to his phone and touched the cool screen.

“Friday,” he whispered to himself, and smiled.


	10. x.

“Here, Lily, look at this Phantom,” Sykkuno said. He had a smile on his face even though they were losing terribly. “It's got a new skin. Did you see all the new skins they released?”

“Ohhh,” Lily said excitedly. “I love the colours! It looks like candy.”

“I think it looks like ice cream or something,” Sykkuno offered, charging in on his own as his friends planned their approach. “Or frozen yogurt.” He muted and continued to nobody in particular. “Like when those frozen yogurt places let you make your own, so you can swirl different flavours together. I'd mix strawberry and vanilla and blue...what flavour is the blue? Is it blueberry? I don't think it's blueberry. But what else is blue?”

“Don't panic like last time, Rae,” Toast broke in. “Stick with the plan.”

“I did _not_ panic.” 

“I could go for some frozen yogurt right now,” Sykkuno kept going, unperturbed by Toast's strategizing and Lily's shriek as she was the first gunned down. “The kids call it froyo, right? Or you know what would be good? That gourmet ice cream...what's it called? It's really fancy ice cream. Jah-lay-to, I think it's called.”

Too late, he realized that he hadn't muted himself at all. Corpse laughed hard, like he always did, even when Sykkuno wasn't particularly funny.

“You mean gelato,” Lily said.

“Right,” Sykkuno agreed, deadpan. “Guh-lay-to.”

“With the little tiny spoons!” Rae agreed. 

“Right, the little spoons!” Sykkuno covered his grin with a hand. 

“The what,” Corpse broke in, his deep voice almost lost beneath the sounds of gunfire as he shot down two of the last three players. 

“You don't know that fancy ice cream?” Sykkuno asked. “I thought you liked little spoons, Corpse.”

Corpse made a sudden startled noise and missed his shot. The other team's Reyna shot him down. Sykkuno hid his laughter as Lily and Rae both went, “Huh?” in perfectly coordinated confusion. Sykkuno only laughed harder.

“What did that mean?” Rae demanded of Corpse, who stuttered out a few more incomprehensible noises before changing the subject. Toast went, “Hmmm” and Lily giggled.

Sykkuno maintained his look of puzzled innocence. He loved gently teasing Corpse whenever he could. Everyone had grown used to their constant inside jokes with each other. After all, it wasn't much different from how they acted before. 

Before. It felt like a lifetime ago, or maybe only yesterday, Sykkuno was never sure. It had been just three months since the big streamer party that changed his life. Just three months. A lot could change in three months. A lot could change in one night, with just a kiss.

Sykkuno wondered if he'd ever get used to it. He wondered if he would ever _want_ to get used to it. He'd been dating Corpse for three months, had been to his apartment a few dozen times, and still felt the same fizzy sensation in his stomach whenever he got a text or heard Corpse's voice on Discord. It still felt so new, and as fragile as fine-spun glass – not in the sense that Sykkuno was worried about anything breaking, but rather that he'd been handed something of incredible and incomprehensible value. Corpse's time and trust and love were worth more to him than anything he'd ever had before, and he didn't take them lightly.

On the surface, the change wasn't immediately apparent. Sykkuno stayed up late and woke up late, as usual. He drank coffee and ate Hot Pockets and streamed almost every day, as usual. He mostly stayed at home and took Bimbus for short walks and talked to his friends, as usual.

But everything was different. Everything _glowed_ now, and sometimes it felt like he was walking on air. For a long time Sykkuno had thought privately that being in love seemed like something that was mostly exaggerated, certainly not worth the fervor with which people chased relationships. Sykkuno had never been particularly lonely or unhappy when he was single. Life had been good, even great – he had so many good friends, he played video games for a living, what could be better? 

And yet, when Corpse came into his life, he somehow filled an empty space that Sykkuno hadn't even known was there. 

“Holy shit,” Toast said with genuine amazement as Sykkuno happily charged off by himself at the start of the next round, felling three enemies in a row with well-aimed headshots. “Good job.”

Rae screamed as she faced off against the remaining two, almost taking out one before dying to the other. “Avenge me, Sykkuno!”

“Okay,” Sykkuno agreed, launching into the air. A flash of movement and a quick trigger finger, and the last man was down.

“You're on fire today, Sykkuno,” Lily told him excitedly, and Rae said, “He's _insane._ ”

“Sykkuno is always on fire,” Corpse agreed, and Sykkuno was surprised that nobody in his chat caught the genuine worship in his voice. Maybe it was because Corpse had always spoken of him in that way and Sykkuno had never clued in.

“Don't let this go to your head,” Toast said calmly, “but you're out-playing everyone today, Sykkuno.”

Normally Sykkuno might have responded with _I just got lucky, guys_ or _No, no, you guys have been great, I'm just helping._ But he was getting better at taking compliments instead of dodging them.

“That _was_ pretty cool, wasn't it? I'm going to clip that and put it on Twitter. They'll call me Acekkuno. Five is all they get, guys, let's go!”

“Let's _teabag_ them!” Rae screamed in excitement, and that set Sykkuno laughing, his hand over his mouth.

“Rae?” he gasped. “Rae, oh my god!”

For all their confidence, they still ended up getting them steamrollered for the next few rounds. Sykkuno was giggling too much to focus. But they were having fun and that's all that really mattered.

“Okay, new strategy,” said Toast pragmatically. “Sykkuno, are you listening?”

“Hm? Oh, sure. What's up, Toast?”

“I'm going to need you to do exactly as I tell you.” 

“Oh, he's good at that,” Corpse murmured quietly, and Sykkuno had to put a hand over his face to hide his burst of laughter.

“No he's not.” Lily was confused. “He's the opposite at being good at that.”

Rae went, “Wait, _what?_ Corpse – ”

“Uh, what? I just meant...I was talking about something else, Rae.”

“Focus, Sykkuno,” Toast said, ignoring the rest, although Sykkuno thought he could hear Toast's smirk...and Corpse's, too, as he laughed to himself during Toast's explanation.

“No, no, guys, it's a compliment,” Sykkuno said innocently. “Corpse was just complimenting me, that's all. He means I'm good at this game. You guys saw my ace.”

Corpse laughed again, banging on his desk with his fist, and Sykkuno pressed his lips together so he wouldn't grin. Rae wasn't streaming so Sykkuno was sure she'd be rolling her eyes, amused and exasperated at their antics. She'd probably call him out for that one later. As always, Sykkuno would act demure and confused in return.

Just like before. Just like always. Some things never changed.

Corpse left quietly after the fifth round with a vague excuse about being busy and Leslie came in to fill. His excuse was enough to satisfy Sykkuno's viewers, judging by his glimpses at chat. Everybody knew that Corpse was busy. Everybody knew that Corpse couldn't play for too long sometimes due to his eye or his arm. Nobody ever questioned it. 

But Sykkuno, glancing at the time, smiled to himself. It was ten past five. Corpse was picking him up at seven thirty. Probably he wanted to shower and get everything ready before he started driving. He'd show up with his black curls clean and soft, with a splash of Givenchy cologne at his throat. Right now he was probably stripping naked, turning the shower on hot enough to scald, moaning as the heat and steam filled the air, moisture beading on his pale skin – 

“Sykkuno!” someone shrieked, and Sykkuno came back to himself with a start just in time to see his character sprawl across the ground.

“Oh, oops! Um.” Sykkuno leaned back in his chair and laughed. He hadn't realized that he was the last player standing. “That was awkward.”

“I told you they were camping that corner,” Rae admonished him, with an exaggerated sigh.

“I was trying a new technique, guys. A new secret technique. It didn't work.”

Rae sent him a DM as they waited in queue. _The secret technique where you daydream about Corpse!?!_

Sykkuno sent back an innocent smiling face. 

“I think this is my LG, guys,” Sykkuno said a while later, when he saw that it was already six thirty.

“Last game already?” Leslie asked, doing a pretty good job at feigning surprise. “But it's so early.”

“Yep, well, you know...I started my stream really early today, right? I'm pretty hungry. I should probably eat something.”

“Oh, you have to go _eat dinner_ , right?” Rae said, mocking but not malicious. Sykkuno thought he could hear her smiling.

“That's right,” Sykkuno said, still keeping a composed face. “Uh huh. Dinner. Probably just a hot pocket or nuggets or something. You know me.” 

He didn't have to say anything more. They knew. Sykkuno wasn't one to broadcast his personal life, even to his friends. He hadn't said anything and neither had Corpse. But Rae had been right about their lack of subtlety at the party. And his friends could hardly fail to see the changes in Sykkuno's daily habits. His schedule had become a little more regular, often taking two days off in a row. And curiously enough, before these breaks, he'd always wake up early (for him, anyway) and start streaming at noon or one o'clock in the afternoon. 

After all, he wanted to save at least some of the evening for Corpse.

Sykkuno had just enough time for a shower of his own before Corpse picked him up. As he dressed, he peeked out the window to see if Corpse's car was there. Corpse was still far too frightened of the camera to come near Sykkuno's backyard streaming structure, but he was no longer anxious about coming into the house itself. He would even knock at the door now instead of sitting outside in his car and calling, waiting for Sykkuno to let him in as if he needed reassurance that he was still welcome. 

The first time Corpse met Sykkuno's family, he had a brief recurrence of his hunched and defensive posture, his eyes frantically seeking out Sykkuno's for approval before he even sat down on the couch. Now, though, it was different. Corpse had changed, too. He was still scrupulously polite and hesitant to intrude, but he didn't need to double check that it was okay to take a cup of water or accept food if offered. This was taken as exceptional politeness by Sykkuno's family, especially his grandmother, and they thoroughly approved.

Sykkuno didn't tell his parents exactly what was happening. But even so, he thought they probably knew, or guessed – especially since they were currently the only people that knew about the idea he planned to pitch to Corpse at some point during their weekend. The thought made him vibrate with anxiety, and he pushed the idea aside for the time being. 

Headlights appeared at the end of the crescent. A dusty black car was turning onto his street. Sykkuno's heart started to beat double time and his stomach filled with butterflies. 

Sykkuno grinned, grabbed his backpack and practically bounced down the stairs to meet him.

**

Sykkuno was as comfortable in Corpse's apartment now as he was in his own home. The familiarity might have dulled into routine with someone else, but Corpse never let that happen. He cooked dinners from scratch and made lists of movies that he thought Sykkuno would like. If, during a stream, Sykkuno mentioned that he liked strawberry doughnuts or try one of Yvonne's coffee concoctions, Corpse would scribble it somewhere on one of his notebooks and order it for him. Corpse even strayed out of his comfort zone on occasion to take him somewhere – out for boba tea, out to a state park Sykkuno had never seen, even to the beach where they watched the sunset from the car and kissed when nobody was watching.

But the evenings always ended the same way – alone, in the comfort and safety of Corpse's apartment, pressed up together on the couch, talking about everything and nothing at once. And somehow, that was the best part of all.

Sykkuno was so busy listening to Corpse talk about his new music projects that he didn't even notice the background noise of the movie had disappeared until Corpse finished.

“We missed the best part,” Corpse noted. He didn't sound too disappointed. His eyes kept drifting to Sykkuno's lips whenever Sykkuno sipped his tea. 

“I don't even know what movie that was,” Sykkuno confessed, giggling. “You're very distracting.” Corpse was _adorable_ when he got excited about something. Sykkuno didn't understand very much about writing music but he was learning a lot.

“It was just an old horror movie,” Corpse shrugged. “Psychological horror, nothing gory.”

“Another horror movie? You know I get scared easily, Corpse.”

“That was the point.” Corpse gave him the soft, easy smile that Sykkuno loved. “You look cute when you're scared. And then I'd have an excuse to cuddle you and make you feel better.”

“You need an excuse for that now?” Sykkuno laughed again. He stood up and stretched. “It's still kinda early. You want to watch something else? Like that anime you were talking about?”

“If you want,” Corpse answered, after a beat.

“Oh?” Sykkuno knew all of Corpse's tells, but he liked to play innocent. He knew it drove Corpse crazy in a good way. “Well, it sounds like you want to do something else, then. What is it?”

Corpse's smile grew an edge, becoming a smirk, sultry and promising. Sykkuno's knees instantly went to jelly. Corpse could do that to him with just a look. 

“I think you know,” he murmured. He stood and reached for Sykkuno, curling his fingers through the belt loops on Sykkuno's jeans.

Sykkuno let Corpse tug him closer but kept his poker face. “I don't know what you're talking about, Corpse.”

“I'll give you a hint.” Corpse kissed him, his soft yielding mouth almost at odds with the fire in his eyes. He was always gentle, at least at first, always waiting for Sykkuno to be the one to demand more. 

“Oh, you just want to kiss?” Sykkuno said when they parted. “We can do that, I suppose. I mean, we already did, but we can do it some more. Just kissing.”

“Oh really?” Corpse slid his mouth along Sykkuno's jawline, peppering him with kisses. Sykkuno managed not to moan until Corpse found the spot near his pulse point that always made him weaken. Suddenly his hands were on Corpse's waist, his fingers wriggling beneath the hem of Corpse's shirt. 

He felt Corpse smile against his skin. “Just kissing, huh?”

“Yeah,” Sykkuno said. It came out squeakier than he'd intended. “J-just kissing, that's all we – oh god, _Corpse_...”

Corpse had bitten lightly at the side of his neck, taking infinite care not to leave a mark that would linger long enough to be a problem on stream. Still, the sensation made Sykkuno moan again. Teasing Corpse was always fun, but it was also hard to pretend like he didn't want him just as much.

“You're wearing too many clothes,” Corpse said, slipping into his lowest growl, and Sykkuno was pretty much done for. 

He lifted his arms and let Corpse take off his hoodie. His belt clinked when it hit the floor. And suddenly he found himself in Corpse's bed in nothing but his underwear, the black sheets cool on his hot skin. 

Corpse, similarly dressed, took it upon himself to punish Sykkuno for his teasing. He kissed Sykkuno everywhere, across his shoulders, down his chest and stomach – purposely ignoring where Sykkuno wanted his mouth the most.

“Every inch of you is beautiful,” Corpse murmured, kissing Sykkuno's thighs. “And every inch of you is _mine._ ”

Once upon a time Sykkuno would have tried to dodge the compliment. But he knew Corpse never lied to him. Corpse really did think he was beautiful, somehow.

“Yours,” Sykkuno agreed, partially because he knew Corpse wanted to hear it and partially because he liked feeling claimed and owned. “Corpse, come on, don't tease me.”

“Oh, so now you don't want to play around?” Corpse's teeth grazed lightly across the jut of his hipbone, and Sykkuno choked on a cry. “You like dishing it out but you can't take it?”

“I just l-like getting you worked up, that's all.” 

“So do I.” Corpse pressed a kiss against the base of Sykkuno's cock. Even through his underwear, the heat of his breath made Sykkuno twitch and pulse. He reached down to try and grab Corpse's hair, wanting him to stay there, needing the contact and friction as much as he needed oxygen. But Corpse dodged his grasping hand and laughed, crawling back up until they were face to face.

“Please,” Sykkuno whimpered, writhing, not even knowing what he was asking for. He was so hard that it verged on painful. “Come on, Corpse, please?”

Corpse smirked, using his legs to hold Sykkuno's hips in place. “You're so gorgeous when you beg.”

Sykkuno's face went red-hot. “I am?”

“Fuck yeah. And it's so damn easy to make you beg, too.”

Sykkuno wriggled indignantly as Corpse laughed. “Well, I could make you beg too, if I wanted.”

“Oh yeah?” Corpse's eyebrow quirked. “You think so?”

Sykkuno's fingers found one of Corpse's sensitive nipples. He brushed his thumb across it, and again as it stiffened. When he pinched it, Corpse shuddered and let out a muffled curse. 

“Not fair,” he huffed, as he collapsed onto one arm. Sykkuno quickly reached to brace him, cautious of his illness, and eased Corpse onto his side.

“How's that not fair?” Sykkuno teased him.

“Because I wanted to make you – oh, _fuck._ ” Corpse's eyelids fluttered. Sykkuno had pushed his hand into Corpse's hair, tugging at it just the way he knew Corpse liked. 

Corpse liked a lot of things, as Sykkuno had discovered. He liked to be in control, but he loved it when Sykkuno was bold in bed. He liked a hint of pain for himself, but he was less into inflicting it. And Sykkuno, while he generally preferred to be told what to do and how to please, couldn't deny that there was something deeply satisfying about having the power to make Corpse melt for him.

He was feeling especially bold tonight. Sykkuno rolled on top, straddling Corpse's hips, and sat up to get a better look at the gorgeous sight below him. He would never get used to how beautiful Corpse was, or how much desire shone in Corpse's eyes when they looked at each other.

“It looks like the tables have turned, huh?”

“Well,” Corpse breathed. “Maybe. What are you going to do with me, Sykkuno?”

“Oh, I don't know.” Sykkuno trailed his fingers down Corpse's chest. “But we have all night, and all weekend. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.”

“You're not going to make me wait that long.” Corpse glanced pointedly down at the bulge in Sykkuno's briefs.

“I could take care of that myself.”

“That could be hot.” Corpse blinked. “You'd let me watch?”

“What, you'd want to watch that?”

“Kinda,” Corpse admitted, looking suddenly sheepish in contrast to his earlier swagger. “I like the idea.”

Sykkuno was somehow embarrassed at the thought of Corpse just _looking_ , watching him with those hooded eyes as he pleasured himself. How did that seem so much more exposing than actually having sex?

“Maybe we can try that, next time,” Sykkuno said out loud, biting his lip. 

“Next time?”

Sykkuno nodded. “Because right now I'd rather touch you. It's been too long.”

“Yeah,” Corpse agreed throatily. “It definitely has.”

Sykkuno smiled and bent to kiss him. The position resulted in Corpse's hardness pressing up against the back of his thighs. Even through his underwear, Sykkuno could feel the warmth of him, and the dampness of the fabric where his pre-cum had soaked through. Almost unconsciously, he pushed back to increase the contact.

“Whoa. Hey.” Corpse's hands reached up to grab his waist hard. The rest of his body went tight, as if he was holding his breath. 

_Maybe I'm hurting him,_ Sykkuno thought, and immediately tried to adjust where he was resting his weight. He sat back just as Corpse shifted his hips, and the consequences of their movements didn't hit home until Corpse choked out his name.

“Oh,” was all Sykkuno could say as the thick blunt shape of Corpse's cock slid up and nestled into the cleft of his ass. His teasing smile disappeared and his mouth opened in surprise.

Beneath him Corpse had frozen, his lips parting and rounding into a silent moan. As they stared at each other, Corpse's hips twitched upward, pushing himself more firmly into place.

“Corpse...” Sykkuno had to clutch onto Corpse's shoulders as if afraid of falling. It felt like his spine had turned into a live wire, like every point of contact between their bodies was electrified. His body was pulsing with a new intensity, something more than the usual lust and neediness that he was used to when Corpse touched him. He straightened his back and bent forward, giving Corpse a hint of friction as he slid between Sykkuno's cheeks.

“Sy, you're going to – fuck – ”

“Going to what?” Sykkuno said. His head was floating. He rocked his hips again, bouncing lightly. The motion felt oddly natural. 

“You know,” Corpse said weakly. “Going to put fucking thoughts in my head that won't leave for weeks.”

“What kind of thoughts?”

“Sykkuno,” Corpse ground out, his chest heaving. “You know damn well.”

Sykkuno did know. Corpse had never mentioned wanting to try it, had never even hinted at it, and it hadn't crossed Sykkuno's mind either. For all his acting, Sykkuno wasn't innocent enough not to know that it was something two guys could do, and often did, but he'd never had a reason to consider it. Corpse, with his talented mouth and hands, certainly never made him feel like he was missing out or lacking anything.

But Corpse's reaction was definitely very interesting.

“It's okay to think about, though, isn't it?” Sykkuno asked him. “I mean, is it a bad thing if I make you think about it?”

“I – no – what?” Corpse was stuttering. That was interesting too. Sykkuno always liked it when Corpse got flustered.

“Thinking about me for weeks should be a _good_ thing, right?” Sykkuno was enjoying himself now and it helped him find some courage. “Unless you don't want to think about that.”

“I, uh.” Corpse looked like someone had hit him in the head with a frying pan. “I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I would never expect you to do it, okay? It's not something I need from you.”

“But you've thought about it,” Sykkuno said, a thrill shooting through him. “A-about...you know.” He blushed before he even said it. “Fucking me.”

“Fuck,” Corpse swore under his breath and thrust his hips up again. “Yes, okay. Yeah, I have.”

And _wow_ , okay. That was a lot more than just interesting. 

Sykkuno had never really wondered if Corpse fantasized about him when they were apart. Of course Corpse was flirtatious and told him often that he missed him, so Sykkuno knew that he was on Corpse's mind often. And of course Sykkuno fantasized about Corpse, especially in the shower, his mind always drifting back to the first time Corpse had dropped to his knees for him. But thinking about Corpse desperately wishing, hoping, too shy or nervous to ask...

“I like that,” Sykkuno confessed out loud. 

“Tease,” Corpse said hoarsely as Sykkuno rocked in his lap again. “Fuck.”

“Am I on top like this when you think about it?”

“Sometimes.” Corpse shuddered. “It depends. Sometimes you're bent over, or on your back, or...” 

“You've thought about it a lot, then.” Sykkuno tried to picture it himself. The images excited him more than he would have ever thought possible.

Corpse stared up at Sykkuno like he was trying to figure out whether he was awake or dreaming. He looked wild, feral, dangerously tempting. “Yes,” he said, without moving his lips. 

“Well - do you want to try it?” Sykkuno asked, his voice wavering with nerves. 

Corpse closed his eyes. “God, you can't just fucking ask me that, what the fuck.”

“Do you, though?” Sykkuno pressed, overcome with how much he wanted to hear _yes_ , still not ready to fully let himself consider what his own answer would be. Sykkuno's thoughts stuttered, pinging back and forth between _I don't know how_ and _I want to try_. He had no frame of reference as to how it would feel. The only comparison he had was his apprehension that first night when he tried using his mouth on Corpse. That had seemed scary too, and he hadn't had a clue of what to do, but he'd enjoyed it more than he would have thought possible.

“You mean theoretically? In the future?” Corpse managed. The _or_ was left unspoken.

_I mean now,_ Sykkuno almost said, but then something occurred to him.

“Oh, I guess it would have to be in the future. We'd need, um, stuff, right?” Sykkuno was startled to realize that he was disappointed. 

Corpse stared up at him, wordless for almost fifteen seconds. Fifteen seconds that felt like an eternity. 

“I have lube,” Corpse finally said, like he couldn't believe they were even having this conversation. “I don't have a condom. We could, uh – I mean – if you wanted, we could go get some. Not that I want to pressure you – it could just be. Something we have lying around, just in case we decide that we want to.”

“Do we need a condom? I've only ever been with you, and you've done the test thing.”

“Sy...”

“We could,” Sykkuno breathed. It felt strange, reckless, realizing that nothing was stopping them. “Tonight, if you want to. We could.”

Corpse didn't answer right away. Instead he lifted Sykkuno by the hips, gently, and maneuvered him onto his side. At first it felt like a rejection, but then Corpse stroked his hair and said, “If we're really talking about this, I don't want us to be distracted.”

“Distracted?” Sykkuno giggled. “Well, I'm pretty distracted, not gonna lie. It's a pretty distracting topic.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Corpse's eyes, but his mouth stayed serious. “I meant I don't want this to be a heat of the moment decision, just because we're worked up.” 

That was smart. Sykkuno nodded. It was easier to think now that Corpse's dick wasn't nudging at his ass. Easier to think, but harder to play up his teasing nature.

Corpse stared into his eyes so intensely it felt like he was trying to look into his soul. “Do you really want this, Sykkuno?” he asked softly. “Be honest.”

“Well, I don't know what it's like,” Sykkuno admitted. “I don't know how to do it at all. Not that it's, um, a complicated concept. But it sounds like it could hurt, and you...well, you're not exactly small, Corpse. But I also know that you're really gentle. And if it always hurt, then people wouldn't do it, right?”

“If...if we did,” Corpse said slowly. “I would get you ready first. It shouldn't hurt. Not if we're being careful. If something hurt, we'd stop right away.”

“Get me ready?” Sykkuno was curious. “Um, how do you do that?”

Corpse took a deep breath. “You know,” he said, but Sykkuno didn't. “Make sure you're relaxed and, uh. Opened up.”

“Oh.” Sykkuno swallowed. _Get me ready._ What would it be like to be ready for that? “Um, so how exactly...like what would you do to me? You'd have to tell me what to do.”

“I can't tell if you're trying to tease me or if you really want me to spell it out for you.” Corpse let out a breathless laugh. “Either way, it's fucking hot.”

“It's hot that I don't know what the heck I'm doing?” Sykkuno almost laughed.

“No. That you want to hear me tell you. That you want me to take control.” Corpse's hands were shaking. “And that you trust me enough to know what I'm doing.”

“Of course I trust you.” Sykkuno's eyes closed as Corpse ran a hand down his spine, leaving his skin hot and prickly. And he shivered when the hand drifted lower, cupping his ass, squeezing until Sykkuno made a soft noise. “You always know how to make me feel good.”

“I want you,” Corpse said, in a rush, like it was something forbidden. “God, I want you.”

“I want you too.” The words punched out of his chest with the same shocking warmth as _I love you_. It was the same expression of trust, in a way. Maybe a little less powerful, but the same sentiment.

Corpse kissed him roughly. “You want to know what I'd do to you to get you ready for my cock?”

Blood rushed downward. “Please.”

“First, I'd get you used to me touching you there,” Corpse said in a low voice full of promise. “I'd take it slow, play with you for a while, use my tongue on you until you're moaning my name.”

“Your _tongue_?” Sykkuno bit back a gasp. Was that a thing people did? 

“Yeah. Does that sound good?”

“Well,” Sykkuno managed, groping for something to say. He couldn't even imagine what that felt like. Did Corpse really want to do that? “I guess you are pretty talented with your tongue, Corpse.”

The fire in Corpse's gaze burned even hotter. “I'm good with my fingers, too.”

“Yeah?” Sykkuno choked out feebly. Corpse's voice was making him feel out of breath. “Your fingers are...they're kind of big. Thick.”

“Just one at first,” Corpse assured him, tracing his index finger down Sykkuno's arm. Sykkuno's eyes followed it as though he was hypnotized. “I'd use so much lube, it'll slip right in. I'll go nice and slow. And if you like it, when you're ready, I'd go in with two fingers, fuck you with them until you're stretched enough for more.”

“Oh, please,” Sykkuno whispered, the image crystal-sharp in his head.

Corpse let out a low laugh. “Well I didn't expect you to start begging already,” he said, and rolled Sykkuno onto his back. Sykkuno lifted his hips reflexively when Corpse pulled at the waistband of his briefs, letting them slip down and off his legs. And Corpse practically pounced on him, nuzzling his cock with a stubbly cheek, kissing his swollen shaft and licking teasingly at the tip. 

“Shouldn't I, um.” Sykkuno started to nudge his thighs open, but Corpse just ran his tongue up the underside of his cock. 

“I'm trying to take my time with you, Sykkuno.”

“You mean you're trying to be a tease.”

Corpse's laugh sent a puff of warm air over his sensitive skin. “Call it payback.”

“Payback?” A coil of heat wrapped around his belly. “Oh, I guess I do deserve it.”

Corpse groaned and wrapped his mouth around the head of Sykkuno's cock, sucking hungrily. Sykkuno watched, entranced as always at the sight of himself sliding between those full lips. Corpse's strong hands gripped Sykkuno's thighs, squeezing hard until Sykkuno gasped. 

He spread his thighs apart a little further, another inch, barely aware that he was doing it.

“God, you want it so bad, don't you?” Corpse pulled off and gave another kiss to Sykkuno's leaking cock. His bottom lip shone wetly. “You want to open your legs for me, just like that?”

A sweet shock of humiliation left Sykkuno breathless. “Y-yes,” he stuttered out. “Corpse, can you...can you show me...the thing with your tongue?”

“What, this isn't good enough?” Corpse teased, his eyes sparkling. 

“I kinda want more.”

“So greedy,” Corpse said, but fondly. He grabbed the pillow next to Sykkuno's head, patted him on the hip and said, “Lift up.”

Sykkuno saw its purpose and obeyed. Corpse shoved the pillow under his hips, keeping Sykkuno's lower body elevated and available. He liked the precision of Corpse’s movements, the absolute certainty of his actions. It made him safe. He couldn't imagine doing this for anyone else.

“Bend your knees,” Corpse coaxed. “Yeah, just like that, that's perfect.”

Sykkuno's entire body went hot when he realized how exposed he was. Corpse was staring at him, all laid out and vulnerable, and Sykkuno's stomach squirmed as he went back and forth from embarrassment to lust and back again. It was almost too much to take.

“This feels a little weird, Corpse,” he laughed breathlessly, his legs clenching shut again.

“Why? You're fucking perfect.” Corpse put his hands on Sykkuno's knees, gently pushing them apart. His eyes were blazing bright. “Fuck, just look at that pretty little pink hole. You're gonna taste so good.”

“What – Corpse!” Sykkuno's face went hot. “You can't just say that!” 

“Oh yes, I can,” Corpse purred. “And I think you like it.”

Sykkuno nearly choked when Corpse's thumb brushed lightly against his opening. His thighs shook and he squirmed, but not to get away. It didn't feel bad. Just...shocking. 

“You're so fucking cute.” Corpse kissed each knee and trailed his mouth up the inside of Sykkuno's trembling thigh. Sykkuno bit back a moan as Corpse grew closer and closer to his hole. The self-consciousness was fading as sheer curiosity and eagerness took over. 

“You want it?” Corpse asked, and Sykkuno nodded wordlessly. 

“Please.”

Corpse dropped down onto his elbows, arms sliding under Sykkuno's thighs. And then he just _went_ for it, burying his face in Sykkuno's ass without hesitation.

“Oh my God!” Sykkuno's arms flailed out to the side and he grabbed onto the sheets for dear life. Corpse's tongue had licked a hot stripe over his hole and up to just behind his balls, and it felt shockingly good. Sykkuno’s hips twisted and his upper body arched off the bed.

Corpse let out a possessive growl and held his thighs tighter. “Hold still for me, baby.”

“T-trying,” Sykkuno gasped. “Oh my God.”

It felt so intimate, so _violating_ , but in such a thrilling way. The pleasure wasn't as intense as when Corpse sucked his cock, but it drove all other thoughts out of his mind. It was almost maddening how light and gentle his tongue was as it moved back and forth over his sensitive skin. And Corpse was going at it with the same passion as when they kissed, like he wanted to devour him. Even if it didn't feel wonderful, the fact that Corpse seemed to like doing it was enough to drive him wild.

Sykkuno whimpered and gasped, thighs shaking as Corpse traced circles around the rim with the pointed tip of his tongue. The touch was resonating through his body, making his cock stiffen even further. Sykkuno had to stroke himself just to take the edge off.

“Good,” Corpse praised, pulling back to look up at Sykkuno pleasuring himself. Sykkuno opened his mouth to beg, but he didn't have to ask for more. Corpse returned to his task quickly, licking with wild abandon, making obscene wet sounds as he worked. He pushed at Sykkuno's thighs until his feet lifted off the bed, giving Corpse easier access. And Corpse actually _moaned._. His mouth vibrated around Sykkuno's hole and Sykkuno made a sharp, sudden cry. 

“ _Corpse!_ ” he wailed, his toes curling. 

“You taste just as good as I thought you would,” Corpse panted, and then he closed his mouth around Sykkuno's hole and sucked lightly. Sykkuno keened, his eyes squeezing shut. He stroked himself faster, tried to spread his legs wider.

“More,” Sykkuno begged, shameless. “Oh please, more, it's so good.”

“You're sure?” Corpse pulled away again. “You want to try taking a finger?”

Sykkuno's breath caught. He did feel more relaxed now. His saliva-slick hole fluttered, squeezed at nothing as if aching to be filled. 

He nodded. “I think I'm ready.”

“Yeah?” Corpse kissed his thigh again. “Hold on.”

It turned out that Corpse kept lube in his dresser, a big bottle of Astroglide with a pump top, three-quarters empty.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said when he saw it. “You weren't lying when you said you think about me a lot.”

“ _Sykkuno._ ” Corpse's laugh seemed to take him by surprise, coming out with such force that it slipped into a squeak. 

Sykkuno tipped his head back and laughed with him. “I mean, um – maybe it's an old bottle, I don't know.”

“Not that old,” Corpse admitted, with another chuckle. “I'm alone a lot, okay? Roll over for a second,” he instructed, and when Sykkuno did, Corpse unfolded a towel and spread it over the bed and the pillow holding up Sykkuno's hips. 

“Be gentle?” Sykkuno's voice wobbled slightly, his smile fading. “I'm still a little nervous.”

“Of course, Sy.” Corpse knelt between his legs. “If something doesn't feel good, you tell me, okay? We can stop whenever you want. It's no big deal if you back out. I don't want to do it if it hurts you.”

Sykkuno nodded, reassured.

The first touch of his fingertip made Sykkuno clench, but only for a second. _Relax_ , he reminded himself, and focused on the muscles in his lower body until he loosened up. Corpse's finger was just tracing circles like his tongue, and that was okay, that was good. Sykkuno breathed in and out until he was used to the feeling.

“I'm going to put it inside of you now, okay?”

“Okay,” Sykkuno whispered.

“It's going to feel a little bit weird at first,” Corpse warned. “Just stay relaxed, just like you are right now. You're being so good.”

The praise warmed him and distracted him from the initial shock of penetration. The tip of Corpse's finger slid inside him so easily. 

“Whoa,” he gasped. “Oh, wow, okay.”

Corpse was right, it did feel a little weird. But it didn't hurt. All he had to do was what Corpse told him and stay relaxed. He trusted Corpse, wanted to be good for Corpse, knew that everything Corpse did to him felt good. This would be no different. It was a little new and scary, but he was experiencing it for the first time with someone he loved. Someone who loved him back. 

Sykkuno held on tight to his fistful of sheets, watching Corpse's intent face as his thick finger pushed further inside. His full lips were parted and he was breathing hard, quick little puffs, his eyes glazed but focused completely on his task like Sykkuno was the only thing in the world that mattered.

“How's that feel?” he murmured.

“I don't know,” Sykkuno said honestly. “Um, a bit weird, just like you said. Not bad. How do I feel?” 

“ _Tight_ ,” was the answer. “Tight and soft and hot. Fuck.”

Something pulsed through Sykkuno's groin as he felt the slight bump of Corpse's knuckle sliding past his entrance. The sensations were getting more intense the deeper he went. There was still no pain, not even a hint of it. Corpse was being so gentle. 

When he felt the resistance of Corpse's hand, he knew that he'd taken the whole finger inside. Sykkuno made a noise, not a moan, but just a soft faint noise that made Corpse bite his lip and exhale slowly through his nose.

The finger stilled, letting Sykkuno get used to its presence. Sykkuno hadn't known that he _could_ get used to something being inside him, but it worked. When Corpse started to slide it back out. Sykkuno's body instinctively clenched around it like he wanted to keep it there. He heard Corpse chuckle quietly as he withdrew almost all the way, and then pushed back inside with one smooth motion. 

“Oh jesus!” Sykkuno nearly bit his tongue.

“Talk to me,” Corpse encouraged, moving in and out, foreign friction inside him. “Tell me what it's like.”

“Weird,” Sykkuno said again. That sounded negative though, so he added, “It's like...like it _could_ be good. I don't want it to stop.”

“Let's see if I can make it better.”

And then the pressure inside him changed. Corpse was doing something, curling his finger, turning his hand. His fingertip pressed and patted at Sykkuno's inner walls, like he was searching for something. Sykkuno didn't understand – but then a white-hot searing blast of sensation went through him like lightning. 

“Corpse! Wh-what...oh, jesus, what...” 

“Oh, you liked that, did you?”

“What _was_ that?!” 

“Found your prostate,” Corpse grinned, smug. “Feels good, doesn't it?”

_Good_ didn't even come close. It was like a little piece of a climax, condensed into one tiny spot that radiated through his groin, through his cock. Sykkuno gasped for breath as his head whirled. Corpse had already eased off that spot, but Sykkuno's body was still singing with the aftershocks. He didn't even realize that he was pushing his hips down to try and take more in.

“Easy, now,” Corpse crooned at him. “I'll do it again, don't worry.”

Sykkuno's erection had flagged a little at the initial weird feeling of penetration, but it was rapidly stiffening again. Corpse must have noticed because he leaned in to use his warm and wonderful mouth to coax him back to full mast. 

“That's so good,” Sykkuno moaned, reaching down to pet Corpse's hair. He pushed the curly fringe off Corpse's forehead to get a better look at his face. “Why are you so good at this?”

Corpse looked up at him, his eyes crinkled with amusement. And then he slid his mouth down, taking Sykkuno's cock all the way to the back of his throat as his finger curled and rubbed again.

“Ah!” It was even better this time, more pleasure than pure sensation. The feeling blotted everything else out. Sykkuno's body bucked and he thrust his hips up, not realizing what he was doing until Corpse gagged wetly. 

“Oh no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! Corpse, are you okay?”

“You're fine,” Corpse soothed, his voice thick and wrecked. His eyes were glazed over. “You know I fucking love it when you choke me.”

Sykkuno blushed. He never intentionally made Corpse choke – he was always scared to push Corpse's head down. He never wanted to risk hurting his boyfriend. But it was definitely true that Corpse seemed to _like_ trying to take him all the way down even though it always made him gag like that.

“I guess I should have known,” Sykkuno said weakly, and Corpse laughed.

His finger kept sliding in and out, delicious friction, pleasure coiling tight and hot. Corpse found just the right angle so that his knuckle rubbed up alongside that mysterious spot instead of hitting it directly. It was much more bearable that way, less jolting. Sykkuno's thighs shook and tiny prickles of electricity zinged up his spine. It didn't take long for Corpse to have him moaning with every thrust.

Corpse kissed the base of his cock. “You want to try two fingers?”

Sykkuno didn't even have to think. 

“Yes,” he moaned, spreading his thighs as wide as he could. “I want more. It feels so good, Corpse, I can't believe it.”

“I told you I'm good with my fingers.” Corpse withdrew, leaving Sykkuno feeling oddly empty. He popped the lube open again and poured a small pile into his hand, coating his index and middle fingers until they glistened and dripped.

Sykkuno braced himself as Corpse touched him again, spreading the lube over his hole before he started to push inside.

“Oh, okay, that's – a lot.” Two fingers felt a whole lot bigger than one. One had been easy, sliding in like nothing, but two was a stretch. Sykkuno's mouth fell open and he groaned as his body worked to accommodate them. 

“Still okay?” Corpse asked anxiously.

“I – I think so. It doesn't hurt, but – oh, I'm so _full._ ” Sykkuno clenched the sheets as Corpse pushed inside to the second knuckle. “But it feels...oh, wow, it feels like so much.”

“Tell me if it's too much, alright?”

“It's not,” Sykkuno said right away. “I can take it.”

“Good,” Corpse breathed. “Fuck, you're doing so good. Being such a good boy for me.”

Sykkuno basked in the praise and soaked up the pleasure as Corpse rocked his hand back and forth, slowly at first. He picked up speed as Sykkuno's little noises grew louder and louder. Soon the stretching sensation was gone and only the electric friction remained. The pleasure grew and grew and grew, never letting up. Every time Corpse's knuckles rubbed his prostate, Sykkuno's cock jumped. 

He didn't realize how close he was until Corpse reached for him with his free hand, giving his cock a light stroke as he pumped his fingers in and out. He responded to Sykkuno's enthusiastic moan and stroked faster, to the rhythm of his thrusts.

“Wait,” Sykkuno gasped out.

Corpse stopped instantly. “Too much?”

“No, um. It's just. I...I don't want you to make me cum yet.”

“Already?” Corpse blinked, then smiled. “Wanna take a break, or...”

Sykkuno shook his head. “I don't want this to stop. I, um...I think I'm ready for more.”

Corpse's eyes kindled. “You're ready for me?”

“I think so,” Sykkuno said. Would he ever be truly ready? “I really want to try, at least.”

“Jesus.” Corpse leaned back on his heels and looked down at Sykkuno, spread out below him with his thighs open and his hole dripping with lube. “Okay, fuck, hold on.”

“Do you want me like this?” Sykkuno asked. “Or should I, um, turn over to make it easier...?”

He was already sitting up when Corpse shook his head and said, “Stay”, firmly, like an order. It made Sykkuno freeze, going limp and pliant. Corpse leaned over him with his hands planted beside Sykkuno's head. 

“I want you to stay on your back,” Corpse murmured. “I want to see what your pretty face looks like when you’re getting fucked.”

_Oh jesus._ Sykkuno shivered again. That way he'd get to look at Corpse too. “Wh-whatever you want, Corpse.”

Corpse made a strangled noise. He was shaking a bit as he grabbed the lube again. Sykkuno watched as he poured it into his hand and stroked it over his thick cock. It was a lot bigger than his fingers. It was almost impossible to imagine that it could fit inside him. But _god_ , he wanted to try, wanted more of that friction and the fireworks of pressure against his prostate. And he wanted Corpse to feel good too. 

Corpse knelt between Sykkuno's legs, staring down at him for one long wordless moment. Then he bent to kiss him. Sykkuno wrapped his arms around Corpse's shoulders and kissed back.

“I can't believe we're doing this,” Corpse whispered to him. 

“Me neither.” Sykkuno smiled shyly. “I'm glad we are, though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, me too, baby.”

They shared a look, their eyes full of a perfect understanding and love and excitement. Sykkuno would remember that look clearly in his mind for years and years to come.

“I'm going to lift your legs up, okay?”

“Okay,” Sykkuno agreed. “Like on your shoulders?”

“Yeah.”

Sykkuno wondered if that would hurt Corpse. “I could try to, um. Hold my knees, like this?” He bit his lip and pulled his bent legs back and apart. “Does that work?”

“Jesus,” Corpse groaned. “Yeah, that works. Do you have any fucking idea how hot you look right now?”

Sykkuno shook his head. He thought he must look a little ridiculous, holding himself open, ready to get fucked. But the look of pure heat on Corpse's face knocked all the air from his lungs. And when Corpse settled into place, all thoughts of himself looking silly were gone. The slick head of Corpse's cock felt as hot and wet as his tongue, but thicker and more blunt. 

“You're fucking _gorgeous_ ,” Corpse said as he rubbed his cock back and forth over Sykkuno's hole. “I don't think I'm going to last long. I'll try my best to hold out until you finish, but fuck, it's going to be hard.”

“What if you don't fit?” Sykkuno asked tentatively. Maybe it was a ridiculous question.

“Pretty sure it will,” Corpse reassured him. “If this doesn't work for any reason, or if you don't like it, I'll make you cum with my fingers. I'm not going to be disappointed or anything.”

Sykkuno relaxed. “Okay. Right. That would be good too.”

“Ready?” Corpse asked, and when Sykkuno nodded, the blunt sensation at his hole became a steady pressure. Corpse was lining himself up.

Sykkuno tightened for a moment, looked into Corpse's eyes, and relaxed again. 

“Good,” Corpse praised him in a sweet low murmur. “Stay nice and relaxed for me, just like that.”

Sykkuno took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and Corpse canted his hips and began to push inside.

“Oh jesus,” Sykkuno gasped out. Somehow his body was opening up and taking it all in. It felt _huge_ , like there should be pain, but there wasn't. It was the fullness of his fingers and the wild intimacy of his tongue times a thousand. It was stretching, pulsing, mind-blowingly overwhelming – and it was only just starting.

“Hurts?” Corpse asked, and Sykkuno shook his head.

“No. Not at all. It's just so intense.” It was hard to catch his breath. “It's already so good.”

“Yeah? I'm barely in you, babe.” Corpse sounded pleased. He pushed a little deeper and Sykkuno gasped again. It still didn't hurt, just as Corpse promised. It was probably because Corpse was going so slow, nudging in a little bit at a time and then staying there, letting Sykkuno get used to the feeling.

“You can move,” Sykkuno said when he realized Corpse was waiting. “You can...just slow, for now. I - _oh_ – ” He moaned as Corpse gave him a little thrust, a little taste of a friction so sweet that it seemed to roll through his entire body. “Yeah, like that. That's good, Corpse.”

“God, you're beautiful,” Corpse said, staring down at him as he eased out and in again, watching Sykkuno's eyes flutter shut. He sounded overwhelmed himself, his voice thick with both emotion and desire. “I wish you could see yourself right now.”

The praise made Sykkuno glow. Corpse's voice was music and sin, and his timbre made him shiver. The slow thrusts became a rhythm, steady and constant. The feeling of being stretched open abated slightly, but the delicious fullness remained. 

“You're so _big_ ,” Sykkuno moaned, not thinking about what a cliché porn star sentence that was until it was already out of his mouth. He blushed, but Corpse seemed to like it. Sykkuno could feel it when Corpse's cock twitched inside him. “That's all of you, right?”

Corpse chuckled breathlessly. “Still only halfway.”

“Oh.” Sykkuno's eyes widened. He moved his hips, rocking downward, taking in a little more – there was no way he could be much more full than this, was there? 

“It's fine,” Corpse assured him as if he'd read Sykkuno's thoughts. “Trust me, this feels good for me. If this is all you can take – ”

“Can I try more? I mean, can you try to fit it all the way in?”

Corpse swore softly. “Oh, fuck, okay.”

Sykkuno closed his eyes as Corpse pushed forward again. There was so much of him, and it just kept _going_ , deeper and deeper. And Sykkuno's body just let him in, just _took_ it somehow, even though it felt like it was impossible. And then, finally, Sykkuno felt their bodies connect. Corpse had pressed inside to the hilt.

Corpse was staring down at him wildly, and he groaned loudly when Sykkuno squeezed tentatively around the thick cock buried deep inside him. God, he could feel the texture, the raised ridged head and the thick vein on the underside.

“You feel so good in there,” Sykkuno whispered. “Oh, Corpse...”

“You're so fucking _tight_ ,” Corpse groaned. The fullness abated slightly as he pulled back, and Sykkuno let out a little disappointed sound – but then Corpse rocked back in, deep and smooth, and Sykkuno's noise turned into a sharp cry that echoed off the walls.

“Oh,” he gasped. “Oh, oh jesus, Corpse please – ”

“Yeah? You like that?” Corpse thrust again, a little harder, and Sykkuno made an embarrassing squeak. Corpse seemed to like the sound though, because his eyes ignited into flame. Corpse shifted on his knees, bracing himself, getting a better angle. This time when he thrust, his cock rubbed up against the little bundle of nerves inside him, and Sykkuno almost screamed.

“Yeah?” Corpse's teeth flashed as he smiled like a shark. “Right there?”

“Yes!”

Corpse did it again, and Sykkuno practically arched off the bed. His fingernails dug into his knees but he didn't feel it. “Oh my god, Corpse!”

The room was getting hot. Sykkuno was starting to sweat and his hands were slipping on his knees. He grabbed on underneath them instead, needing to keep his legs spread wide for Corpse. His entire world was narrowed down to Corpse's cock inside of him, the incredible in-and-out rhythm that was beyond perfect, beyond pleasure. When he glanced down he saw that his cock was flushed red, bouncing against his belly with every thrust from Corpse. There was already a little pearlescent puddle just below his navel.

“Here,” Corpse said roughly, knocking Sykkuno's hands away. “Get your legs up on my shoulders, so you can – ”

“Right,” Sykkuno said breathlessly, settling his bony ankles on Corpse's sweaty shoulders. He tightened his muscles to keep them in place, and then finally he was able to reach down and wrap a hand around himself. His eyes rolled back in his head as he started to pump in time with Corpse's thrusts. 

“Oh, oh, jesus,” he panted. “I'm...oh, Corpse, yes, keep going, please, _please_.”

It was so – it was so _much._ Sykkuno thought his body might shake apart at the seams if it wasn't for Corpse grounding him and holding him in place. He was being rocked back and forth like a ragdoll, just taking it, being used and loving every second of it. The bedsprings were squeaking, Corpse was grunting low in his chest with every thrust and Sykkuno was practically mewling, all to the rhythmic sound of their bodies slapping together. Between the friction of his hand and Corpse's cock sliding in and out of him, Sykkuno could barely think straight. 

“More.” How could there be more than this? Sykkuno didn't even know but he wanted it all the same. “Corpse, please, go – go faster. Harder.”

“What's the magic word, baby?”

Sykkuno whimpered. “Please?”

“That's it.” Corpse leaned forward, pushing Sykkuno's thighs toward his chest and bending him nearly in half. The new angle made it harder for Sykkuno to stroke himself, but that didn't matter because suddenly Corpse was in him even _deeper_ , filling him to the very limit. Sykkuno's gasp was swallowed by Corpse's mouth. And when Sykkuno sucked Corpse's bottom lip into his mouth – it always felt so good when Corpse did that to him – he could feel Corpse's cock twitch deep inside of him.

“This is okay, yeah?” Corpse asked between kisses. “You're still comfortable?”

Sykkuno could barely move. Corpse was pinning him down into the mattress, utterly in control. Sykkuno couldn't get away if he tried. Corpse could so easily overpower him, do whatever he wanted to him, and that thought was dark and sweet and thrilling beyond belief.

“I like it,” Sykkuno said as Corpse kissed his cheek, his jaw, his neck. “I like it a lot...but, um, why did you stop moving?”

Corpse laughed. “Just trying not to break you, Sy. Trying to be gentle like I promised.”

“Well, I'm not going to break,” Sykkuno said, hitching his legs up on Corpse's back. “Do I have to say the magic word again?”

“You can say it as much as you like.” Corpse gave him a slow thrust, barely rocking his hips, but the angle was different now and the pressure against Sykkuno's snug passage was twice as intense as before. “I'm not gonna complain.”

“Please,” Sykkuno said in a hitching little voice. “Please, Corpse, fuck me.”

Corpse took his time to work up speed, still being gentle and giving Sykkuno time to adjust to the new position. Soon he found a steady rhythm that worked for them both, faster than before, his thrusts staying deep and short and so good that Sykkuno stopped being able to beg or form words altogether. His hand flailed uselessly at his side, grasping at nothing, at Corpse's shoulder, fingernail crescents marking the pale skin, red lines down his back. Tomorrow Sykkuno would kiss them and feel guilty and Corpse would reassure him that he'd loved every second of it. But for now it was all just ecstasy, mindless. His fingers found Corpse's hair, soft and damp with sweat. Sykkuno clutched it, yanked at it, dug his heels into Corpse's back and moaned his name.

“ _Sykkuno,_ fuck.” Corpse made a thick feral sound and started to fuck him even harder. Eventually Sykkuno was so overwhelmed that his hand fell back at his side limply. All he could do was take whatever Corpse gave him and he was loving every second of it. His eyes were rolling back in his head and his moans turned sharp and desperate.

“That's it,” Corpse encouraged. “Yeah, fuck, such a good boy.” He shifted his knees for leverage and braced a hand on Sykkuno's wrist, pinning it to the bed. His next thrust nailed Sykkuno's prostate.

Sykkuno's moan turned into a near-scream, and Corpse's eyes widened. He went still, concerned. 

“Too much?”

“No, no,” Sykkuno practically sobbed, pulling his legs in, pulling Corpse more tightly against him. “No, it's good. It's so good. Don't stop, Corpse, _please_ don't stop. Right there, come on, oh please.”

“God,” Corpse gasped out. “Not gonna stop, baby, not until you cum.” 

And he didn't. Sykkuno tried to keep his eyes open, wanting to look at him. Corpse was beautiful in the grip of pleasure, more gorgeous than he'd ever been. His curls were plastered to his hairline and his forehead was glistening. His lower lip was swollen from where he'd bitten it. _He's holding back,_ Sykkuno thought. _He needs to cum._ Still, Corpse didn't stop, didn't let up. He kept the rhythm steady and perfect, eyes fixed on Sykkuno's face.

“Fuck, baby, I can't hold out much longer.”

“I'm trying – I'm s-so close – ”

Sykkuno's muscles tightened until his thighs ached. He couldn't move his arm, only his wrist, and soon that ached too as he desperately rubbed at his cock. Even his toes were cramping as they curled. His head tipped back and his face was screwing up – he probably looked ridiculous, but he couldn't help it, everything was just so good, so unbearably good. As he started to rise up to his climax, his hole gripped at Corpse's cock, making the penetration even more intense. 

“Fuck!” Corpse ground out through gritted teeth, but he still didn't let up. “Cum for me, baby, let me see it.”

It wasn't an order but Sykkuno's body seemed to treat it as one. He screamed again as the full force of his climax slammed into him. His cock spurted up on his belly and chest, painting himself with his release. There seemed to be so much of it, more than he thought possible, and his orgasm wasn't letting up but spiralling impossibly higher, hotter, until the world was eclipsed in a blaze of white heat.

Corpse moaned almost as loudly as Sykkuno had screamed. And the heat was inside him too, filling him – Corpse's cock was jerking and pulsing, his thrusts erratic – and just as the tidal wave crashed and rolled over him, Sykkuno realized what was happening. Another tinier quake shuddered through him, an aftershock almost as strong as second climax. Sykkuno's spent cock jerked weakly and spurted again. 

Corpse held him through it, both of them shaking and twitching as they came back down to earth. When it was over Corpse collapsed on top of him, panting. It was hot and humid in the room, sticky as a summer day despite the AC at full blast. Sykkuno wrapped his arms around Corpse's back and thought that there could be no better feeling in the world than this – this complete and utter sense of relief and closeness. Their hearts were beating to the same rhythm like they were one person, joined body and soul, forever.

Eventually Corpse pushed himself back up on his elbows with great effort. He reached down and gently withdrew his softening cock. The loss made Sykkuno whimper. It felt like he'd gone soft around the edges, a strange feeling, empty yet complete.

Corpse kissed his forehead. “Are you okay?”

Sykkuno nodded dizzily and tried to remember how to speak. 

“More than okay,” he said. “That was... _wow._ That really happened. I don't know if I can even move.”

“Yeah.” Corpse grinned. “I feel that.”

“I never thought it would be that good. We should have done that a long time ago.” Sykkuno laughed, dizzy and ecstatic and exhausted. “We can do it again soon, right?”

“You want more already? You're insatiable, holy fuck.” 

“Well, I didn't mean right now.” Sykkuno giggled. “I meant...”

“I'm teasing you, Sy. I know. Fuck yes, we can do it again. That was incredible. _You_ were incredible.”

“I dunno. I think that was all you.” 

“Both of us.” Corpse gently brushed Sykkuno's bangs out of his eyes. “I love you.”

That never got old. Every time Corpse said those three words, it felt as good as the first time Sykkuno had heard it.

“I love you too.” Sykkuno smiled at him, but it turned into a wince as he tried to sit up.

“Sore?” Corpse looked concerned. “I was a little rough with you.”

“Nope,” Sykkuno said promptly. “You were perfect. It's just my thighs. They're a little cramped.”

Corpse bent and kissed them, rubbing at the muscles. “What about, uh – ”

Sykkuno knew what Corpse meant. “Feels...weird,” Sykkuno said, and Corpse managed a laugh. “I mean, it's like – I can feel your, um.” Corpse's cum was still seeping out of him slowly. “I think you made a mess, Corpse.”

“I made a mess?” Corpse arched a brow and looked pointedly at Sykkuno's chest. Sykkuno looked at himself and was surprised at how covered he was. His cum was all over his chest and stomach, drying sticky and tacky, pooled in his belly button. It was all over Corpse too where they'd been pressed together after Corpse fell on top of him.

Sykkuno blushed. “Oh. Well, I guess I did too.”

“I'll get a cloth or something. Wait here.”

Sykkuno didn't think he was capable of doing anything else. “Okay.”

Corpse went to the bathroom and came back with warm wet washcloths and towels. He cleaned Sykkuno's chest and stomach himself, and Sykkuno took the cloth and used the clean side to finish the job. As sweaty and messy as they'd gotten, a shower was probably in order, but Sykkuno didn't feel much like showering. Not yet, anyway. He wasn't sure if he could stand up long enough.

Once as cleaned and dry as they would ever get, they cuddled up together on top of the covers, enjoying the cool air on their skin. It was still early for them, far too early to sleep, but their bodies needed time to recover. Neither of them slept, but they drifted together, and that was just as relaxing. Sykkuno felt like he was ensconced in a fluffy cloud, warm and safe and utterly satiated, flying over the world with Corpse at his side, where he belonged.

**

“So what was your text from last night about anyway?” Corpse asked much later in the night, after they'd floated back down to earth. “You said you had something to tell me.”

“Hmm?” Sykkuno asked drowsily. It took a second for the question to register, and another for him to remember the answer. “Oh! I almost forgot. I, um, I guess I have some news. I was gonna tell you earlier, but then – well, we got distracted.”

Corpse hummed softly, waiting for him to continue. Sykkuno propped himself up on one elbow to look at him. The rugged shape of his face was outlined in the silver-blue glow of the moonlight and his lips were still faintly red and kiss-swollen.

“I might have found a house,” Sykkuno finally said.

“A house?” Corpse's eyes opened. “Where?”

“Las Vegas,” Sykkuno told him, keeping his voice calm, like it was no big deal. He reached for his phone to find the listing so Corpse could see it too. 

“That's not too far away,” Corpse said, and though he sounded sincere Sykkuno heard the disappointment too. “I can drive that in what, four hours?”

“About that, yeah. I did put in an offer, but they haven't accepted yet,” Sykkuno said, cautious, reassuring, and hopeful all in one. “Nothing's settled. It's just. It's a pretty nice house, don't you think?”

Corpse took Sykkuno's phone and thumbed through the pictures. He hummed again, and Sykkuno couldn't quite make out the look on his face.

“It's not that big,” Sykkuno said, his heart pounding in his chest. “Bigger than anything I could afford in Los Angeles, of course. But it's a pretty good size. Like for one or two people, it would be great. Do you...like it?”

“I like it,” Corpse said softly. Too softly. “It'll be more difficult to drive there and pick you up and drive back. It'll take me all day.”

“I know,” Sykkuno said apologetically. “But the price...”

“No, you're right.” Corpse took a breath.“Forget I said that. I love the house. I'm happy for you. You've been talking about moving out for a while now and it'd be stupid to waste your money on something in LA just to cut down on driving time for me. It's only four hours.”

“Yeah, um. I mean, I don't think it would be stupid to want to see you a lot. Because that's kind of really important to me. That's why I...” Again, Sykkuno hesitated.

“Don't turn it down because of me,” Corpse said firmly. “If anything – well – I might not be in this apartment forever, right? Maybe I'll end up somewhere closer.”

Sykkuno's heart beat harder. Corpse had given him the perfect segue.

“Actually, um, about that, I was thinking...” God, he was nervous. Neither of them had broached this subject. “Um, well, so on one hand you could come and stay over more often. Of course you're always welcome at my parents' house too, but, well. It's not the same as being alone together, is it? Obviously there's stuff we can't do...or stuff we'd have to do really quietly, and apparently I'm not good at that.”

“True.” Corpse grinned at that, but his eyes were still uncertain.

“And on the other hand...” Sykkuno had to say it. He had to stop stalling. He looked Corpse full in the face.

“If you liked it there...and if you wanted to...maybe, one day, you'd just want to stay. For good.”

It was the bravest thing he'd ever said in his life.

Corpse's eyes went wide. “You mean move in.” 

“It's not a little log cabin,” Sykkuno said, his heart fluttering, “and it's definitely not in the middle of nowhere. I know it's not what you dreamed of, or anything. But it's really nice. There's a yard, with a tall fence for privacy. And there's lots of space. There's an extra bedroom and an office. And there's even a basement. I don't think I'd use the basement myself. It could be...like a recording studio, or something. Maybe.”

Corpse had listened like a man in a dream. “You mean it,” he said slowly. “You're serious.” 

“Definitely serious,” Sykkuno agreed. “But if you don't want to...well, I'm thinking of getting a car, too. Soon, I hope. That way I could still come down here without having to have you be my Uber all the time. We could take turns. One weekend you can come see me and the next I'll come see you. That could be nice too.”

“It could,” Corpse said haltingly. “But – if I did move in with you, permanently...” 

His voice faded, like he couldn't quite visualize it.

“Would you be happy?” Sykkuno asked, anxiously. “I know you like living alone more than I do. You like your space. I respect that. I won't be disappointed if you say no.”

“I do like being alone,” Corpse said, his brow creased. “But you're the exception to every rule. It's different when I'm with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You do give me space when I need it. But it's like I need it less often.” Corpse gripped Sykkuno's hand. “When you're here, my head doesn't get loud. I never feel like I'm not good enough. You don't let me. I feel...safe, with you.”

“You do?” Sykkuno couldn't have imagined a higher compliment. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“It's just that I'd have to make a lot of arrangements first,” Corpse said. “I'll take me a while. I'd have to find another doctor. Another therapist. I'll have to figure out – fuck, I can't lift stuff like I used to. The thought of having movers come in, strangers, touching all my shit...you'll have to give me time.”

“Oh, you don't need to hire movers,” Sykkuno piped up. “My family will help us both. They already said they would.”

“You mean they said they'd help you, so they'd probably agree to help me?”

“No.” Sykkuno blushed. “Um, I asked them about you. I didn't say it was a for sure thing. And I just said that maybe you'd be my roommate. They know about us anyway, I think. They said they'd come down to help.”

Corpse looked like that idea was brand new to him. “They'd do that for me?”

“Of course. They like you, Corpse. And our friends, they'd come too. I already kinda brought up the idea. I didn't mention you specifically, but – Toast kind of figured it out.”

Corpse still looked incredulous. “He wants to help?”

Sykkuno nodded. “I bet Lily could ask Michael, too. We'd have more than enough people. And as for the other, um, arrangements – you can take all the time you want.” He hesitated. “Actually, um. In the neighbourhood this house is in, there's this clinic right down the street. I, um, I checked, and they do the injections that you mentioned, the ones your doctor said might help with your arms. This doctor has really good reviews, I looked at those too. I hope that's not weird or anything? I wasn't trying to be weird. Of course it's up to you, and I know you're capable of doing that on your own and everything, but I was thinking about you the whole time I was looking for houses just in case – ”

Corpse cut him off with a kiss.

“Oh,” Sykkuno said when they parted, dazed. “I guess that means you don't mind that it was weird.”

“It's not weird,” Corpse murmured. “You really put that much thought into this?”

Sykkuno nodded. “Don't feel pressured,” he said, half-anxiously. “If you decide against it, that's okay too. It's actually my favourite house I've seen so far, so it's not just like I chose one that wasn't right for me because it might be best for you. It's totally up to you whether or not you end up coming.”

“But you want me to.”

“Yes,” Sykkuno admitted. “I don't really mind living alone, but if it was up to me...well...of course I want you to come. But it's not up to me. It's up to you.”

Sykkuno held his breath and waited.

Corpse's hand found Sykkuno's again and squeezed it. His fingers were cold and trembling but his eyes were blazing with excitement. 

“I'll do it,” he whispered. And then he said, his voice louder and more determined. “I'll come live with you. I don't know when – but I'll come. I'll stay. As long as you'll have me.”

Sykkuno wanted to speak but couldn't find the words. He was so happy that his heart ached with it.

But when he looked into Corpse's eyes, something on his face must have spoken for him. Corpse flushed and broke out into his rarest smile, the one that started in his eyes and crept over the rest of his face like the sun breaking over the horizon until everything was ablaze with light and feeling.

It was a big step so soon in their relationship. The relationship itself was already a new experience for Sykkuno altogether. It was daunting, even terrifying, and yet Sykkuno wasn't scared. He didn't have to do it alone, after all. While they both had their flaws, they brought out the best in each other, loved the worst of each other. And together, they could make it work. _Would_ make it work. Sykkuno was good at doubting himself, but this he was sure of.

Before them, the little cream-bricked house in the heart of the Mojave desert waited for the sounds of laughter and music and love that would soon fill its empty rooms. Before them lay mystery and uncertainty and the hardship of forming new rhythms and routines centered around two lives instead of one. 

They could talk more in the morning and work out the finer details. For now, Sykkuno was content to urge Corpse onto his side so he could wrap his arm around his familiar shape. _I feel safe with you,_ Corpse had said, and that felt as good as when he said _I love you._

“I can't wait until we get to do this every night,” Sykkuno said out loud.

This time it was Corpse that answered without words. He took Sykkuno's hand and pressed it to his chest, over his heart.


End file.
